Dear Jana,
Sometimes, if my boss and I have had a hard day at work, we go to a sauna together. Nothing kinky, just chatting while we sit totally naked sweating. In fact, I get quite turned on and I can see that he does too… but we’re just indifferent. Is rare?
sarah
Dear Sarah,
First, let me congratulate you on your use of the word “indifferent.” What a fabulously pompous word. For using it more in everyday sentences.
Other than that, let’s be honest. You want to fuck your boss. Ah, it’s a story as old as time. But as someone who has slept with his boss in the past, believe me when I say DON’T DO IT! And stop putting yourself in a very sexy situation with him. You know exactly what you’re doing girlfriend.
Because it’s going to happen. Honestly, it’s a matter of time. Stress from a hard day at work + sweat + nakedness + a moment of weakness = fucking.
But what I learned from my own experience is that in the long run it is an uncomfortable experience in all aspects. If the fuck is good, you’ll want to do it again and you’ll spend your working hours looking forward to it. If it’s bad, you’ll try to avoid it like the plague, which can be very difficult in a work environment.
I’ll give you props for finding a unique way to bond after a tough day, but would it look good in an HR meeting? No. No, I wouldn’t! I can also guarantee that your coworkers are gossiping about it. I would be.
As for whether it’s weird or not, let’s just say it’s definitely… unconventional office therapy. Just remember, there’s nothing wrong with a beer or wine at the pub, or a good old-fashioned game of squash to blow off some steam.
Anything that involves taking off your gear in front of your boss is not a good idea. But you already knew that, didn’t you? You cheeky devil.
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Dear Jana,
I have been sleeping with my sister-in-law on and off for the last 20 years. When I’m in town for work, I stay at his house and we make it happen. The risk is worth it because the sex is very good, but am I playing with fire? It would destroy the family.
Anonymous
Oh anonymous,
If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to excuse their questionable behavior by saying “but the sex is so good,” I’d be a millionaire right now. Friends who tell me why they got together with the former loser, with a married man or with a player.
Pffft…don’t people realize that you can have amazing sex with people who are emotionally and morally available? There is not a single fish in the sea that is ridiculously good for sex!
You are obviously playing with fire. That’s a no-brainer. The real question is: do you secretly want to get caught so it all comes to light? Maybe you have deeper feelings for your sassy sister-in-law and are subconsciously putting yourself in a position to get caught. Or here’s an idea, maybe it is?
Don’t get me wrong, I feel the thrill of doing something bad, especially with a forbidden romance (it’s like an R-rated Romeo and Juliet), but you’re dancing dangerously close to family drama hellholes.
Have you always been competitive with your brother? Is it a matter of revenge? Instead of persisting with a cheap fuck, maybe dig a little deeper and try to get to the reason why you’re dating your sister-in-law.
Maybe it’s time to consider some less combustible hobbies? Do you like getting a girlfriend and enjoying some naked time outdoors? Or a cheeky caress in a movie theater?
At the end of the day, you’re being an idiot and so is she.
Explore your horizons outside of your brother’s marriage so we won’t end up seeing you on the news when your brother finds out. Because this will NOT end well if you keep this up.
Jana Hocking’s advice to Sarah: ‘Anything that involves taking off your gear in front of your boss is not a great idea. But you already knew that, didn’t you, cheeky devil?
djana ear,
I keep finding inappropriate messages my husband shares with other women he meets for a cup of tea. We have a great sex life and I don’t understand why he feels the need to flirt with these women. He will ruin me financially if I leave him. I’m also 50 and don’t want to rejoin the dating pool. It sounds horrible. AID!
Anonymous
Dear anonymous,
I can tell you exactly why your husband shares inappropriate messages with other women. It’s because he has a metaphorical ‘small penis’ and is desperate for constant validation.
I would venture to guess that these ‘innocent caps’ started occurring the moment his hair started receding, or turning a little grey, or his balls started falling into ‘flagged’ territory. Ahh yeah, he feels insecure and wants to know that other women outside of his marriage still find him attractive. It’s all very superficial and ridiculous, but I see it all the time.
One look at my Instagram DMs will show you plenty of men with ‘happy marriage’ photos on their profiles trying to get my attention. It’s pathetic.
Now I’m sorry but I’m also going to tap your wrist. Because if there is one thing that Judge Judy has taught all of us women, it is to keep our personal finances in order.
In a viral TikTok, she clearly states: “Once a woman gives up financial independence to her partner, it’s over.” And you have to be prepared. Because if you’re not prepared, you’re stuck.” What I see is your current situation.
A close relative of mine had a small private bank account when she started noticing a couple of red flags in her marriage. So when it came time to abort the ship, she had enough money in the bank to get out quickly. And that’s what she did.
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My advice to you would be to get up tomorrow morning, get in your car, drive to the bank and open your own account. Put some of your hard-earned money in little by little, and whether you eventually need it or not, you’ll at least have the peace of mind of knowing you have a plan B up your sleeve.
As for dating at 50. Who said you have to do it? Julia Morris has been telling everyone how happy she is to be single at 50. Supermodel Linda Evangelista also said: “I’m not interested.” I don’t want to sleep with anyone anymore. I don’t want to hear anyone breathe.
Just because a relationship has ended doesn’t mean you have to jump right back into a new one. Imagine if you took some time to figure out what you want. You have your whole life to re-associate.
But who knows, maybe you just need to have a very firm conversation with your husband and set some firm boundaries for these ‘cuppas’.
Stand up for yourself, girlfriend, and remind him where his bread is buttered. Maybe throw a bottle of Rogaine at her while she does it.