As a divorced single dad, I enjoy inviting friends over to my home in Surrey for my signature Sunday roast. Recently, I invited Charlie, my business partner and best friend, along with his wife and two daughters, aged nine and four.
Charlie’s wife is one of those women who knows everything and assumes that men can’t cook, so she walks into the kitchen, peering into this or that pot or pan, turning the heat up or down.
This time, I was in that crucial ten-minute countdown (where, hopefully, the roast chicken and vegetables will be ready at the same time) when she walked in, about to begin her usual interference.
“It’s all under control!” I snapped. “Go sit with Charlie, Natalie.”
Then I froze. Charlie’s wife’s name is Jude, not Natalie. Natalie is the name of Charlie’s mistress of the past year, with whom he is madly in love. The same woman who has also come to my house countless times.
‘As much as I love my friend, there are times when I could happily kill him for making me an unwitting accomplice to his affair.’
It was when she invited Charlie and his wife to a barbecue that our writer accidentally called her by the name of Charlie’s mistress, whom he had also invited to dinner.
As much as I love my friend, there are times when I could happily kill him for unwittingly making me complicit in his affair, and that day in the kitchen was one of those times.
I managed to get out of that terrible faux pas by joking that Natalie was one of the people I had invited over the previous weekend. Of course, Jude wanted all the details, which I had to make up on the spot. I think I got away with it, just barely.
Considering that up to 20 percent of married couples will experience infidelity at some point, I can’t be the only friend caught in a complicated web of deceit, through no fault of my own.
Cheating is bad enough, of course, but we rarely hear friends say they wish they hadn’t been in on the secret. How guilt by association eats away at you.
Over the past six months, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to make an excuse to hide Charlie’s whereabouts. It’s like I’m in a threesome, but without any of the sexual benefits.
Since I found out about the affair, my house (not my bedroom, thankfully) has been routinely used for their liaisons. And since we run a small independent estate agency together, I’ve had to take Charlie’s phone with me on viewings when he’s busy, in case Jude checks that he’s where he says he is. Yes, she clearly tracks his whereabouts via his phone, but who can blame her?
Thanks to me, it has passed all those checks so far.
There were times when Charlie enjoyed a visit to a luxury hotel with Natalie while I had to answer Jude’s texts asking when he would be home. I lost count of the cases of wine Charlie sent me to make up for it.
If we weren’t such good friends and business partners, I would have ended our decades-long friendship months ago.
But Charlie and Jude were at my wedding; they helped me when my now ex-wife left me five years ago. Jude helped me pick up the kids from school and was a huge support. Our lives are inextricably linked. If I were to distance myself from Charlie, Jude would want to know why. And I don’t think my chances are bad when she finds out about Charlie’s betrayal.
Every time I remind Charlie that he’s a father and that he should think about what his actions could mean for his children, it usually turns the conversation around. However, despite what you might be thinking, Charlie is not typically the type of man who indulges in “sleazy” behavior. As far as I know, he’s never cheated on any other girlfriend.
He’s not a risk-taker in life, either. If anything, he’s a risk-averse office geek.
Charlie’s romance surprised his best friend, as “he’s not one to take risks in life. If anything, he’s the office geek who doesn’t take risks.”
We met on holiday in Spain when we were in our early 20s. We both had girlfriends and would meet up for group dinners at the resort. We had a lot in common – we both worked in real estate and shared the same sense of humour.
When we returned, we stayed in touch and, realising that we both had ambitions to start our own business, we decided to partner up. Over the next decade, our agency grew from strength to strength.
I then married my girlfriend Lexie (Charlie was our best man) and Charlie (who had already broken up with the girlfriend we met on holiday) got together with Jude shortly after in 2014. Six months later she moved in with him and before he knew it she was pregnant. They got married a year later and I was his best man.
Unfortunately, Charlie’s wife is the definition of “dominant” – she decides everything: the family car, when and where they go on holiday, even the names of their children. Charlie routinely vents to me (rather than to her) about his behaviour. But the silver lining was that Charlie and I became parents within a year of each other.
Unfortunately for Charlie, Jude not only decided when they were going to have their first child, but made the unilateral decision to have a second four years later, much to Charlie’s shock and horror.
If I had to pinpoint the moment when the first cracks appeared in their marriage, I would say it was when Jude was eight months pregnant with Charlie’s unplanned baby.
And while it didn’t matter at first that she was a decade older than Charlie, it became a problem.
Charlie is in his 30s and Jude is in his 40s and they have to deal with all sorts of issues: two children in primary school and (from what I understand) the horrible symptoms of perimenopause.
I’m not saying Charlie is the innocent party here, but I definitely think Jude hasn’t been helping herself when it comes to communication or equality in her marriage.
In his defense, I don’t think Charlie had any intention of diving headlong into an adventure.
“What was supposed to be an unusual one-night stand quickly turned into a relationship. Natalie doesn’t have kids, isn’t ‘overbearing’ and, in Charlie’s words, is ‘fun.'”
“Charlie’s wife is the definition of ‘dominant’ – she decides everything: the family car, when and where they go on holiday, even the names of their children. Charlie regularly vents to me (rather than her) about his behaviour.”
He makes no effort to improve his appearance: three-day beard, dirty fleece shirts and jeans without knees.
His car has all the trappings of family life: child safety seats and toys everywhere. He certainly doesn’t pretend to be single or available.
But a year ago, Charlie met Natalie at a local bar and, he says, the magnetic attraction knocked him out.
What was supposed to be an unusual one-night stand quickly turned into a relationship. Natalie doesn’t have children, isn’t “overbearing” and, in Charlie’s words, is “fun.”
I realized something was wrong a few months later. He was losing focus in meetings, always looking at his phone and walking outside to take calls. I now regret asking him if he wanted to talk. We went for drinks after work and I spilled the beans. He even insisted that I should meet Natalie.
I resisted for a month or so, but Charlie was madly in love with her, so in the end I didn’t have much choice. I needed to know who this other woman was so Charlie wouldn’t notice what I was doing in the office.
I was expecting some sort of Jessica Rabbit-esque femme fatale, but Natalie couldn’t be further from that. As the drinks flowed, I found myself actually liking her. Rightly or wrongly, I could totally understand why Charlie had fallen for her. As much as it pains me, they’re a good match.
“I was expecting some sort of Jessica Rabbit-esque femme fatale, but Natalie couldn’t have been further from that. As the drinks kept coming, I found myself really liking her.”
It was on our second meeting that I made a mistake. I mentioned Jude and, when Natalie looked puzzled, I asked her if she knew Charlie was married.
The silence was terrible. Natalie’s lower lip was trembling. While Charlie comforted her, I got up and left. I later found out that she did know and was still coming to terms with the whole situation. She wasn’t the only one! But that didn’t break them up, it’s a shame.
They still see each other at least twice a week, and he even brings her over to my house under the pretense of an innocent boys’ night out. He does this in case Jude calls him on FaceTime, so I can pop in on him in the background. I feel like a complete fool when this happens.
I never thought Charlie was someone capable of behaving so hypocritically, but today he could compete with 007. There’s a part of me that’s secretly impressed, while the other is incredibly disappointed with him.
But recently things got out of hand. Three months ago, Natalie was in the hospital for a routine operation. She needed Charlie to be by her side, even if it was just to accompany her to the ward, to be there when she recovered, and to take her home when she was discharged. I understand all that.
But Charlie told his wife that I was in the hospital and that since he was my trusted person, he had to be by my side.
It was all too much for me. I even had to reply to Jude’s worried messages asking how I was doing.
I now find myself in the position of having to give Charlie’s wife an update on my “well-being” after a medical procedure I never underwent. Jude is not stupid at all and I feel terrible for misleading her in this way. There are times when I feel as guilty as Charlie should feel.
The final straw was when Natalie came to pick up some of her stuff from mine, and since it was the weekend I had my son with me, I ended up having to introduce her to him. I brushed it off (Natalie is friends with Charlie and Dad!), but the last thing I wanted was for my son to get dragged into this.
I’ve already given Charlie my advice: if he loves Natalie enough to want to be with her, then he should confess it to his wife.
And, friends, if you find yourself straying from the right path, don’t involve your best friend. I’ve aged several lifetimes in the last year.
As told to Samantha Brick
(tags to translate)dailymail