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Who doesn’t love the sound of a WhatsApp ‘ping’. Could it be some juicy gossip? Maybe a joke or a funny video? Or perhaps it will be the guts of the group’s misery that will want to unload with even more complaints?
“Complaining is a great way to release emotions and frustrations, but negative emotions are contagious,” says psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur. “Just as we can lift other people up with our happiness, negativity and complaints can bring down people’s emotional state.”
Jenny Phenix recently felt the consequences of complaining in a WhatsApp group. The divorcee was booked on a three-year luxury cruise worth £265,000, but when her stream of negative messages on a passenger chat came to light, she was banned from boarding the ship, with the cruise operator saying that his comments had “affected”. community morality.
So, you are also a WhatsApp group complainer? Here’s how to spot the signs you might have, while Kamalyn advises you how to tone down your moaning in all your group chats…
Psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur says complaining is a great way to release emotions and frustrations, but negative emotions are contagious.
family talk
These groups involve multiple generations, so you don’t want to be the middle-aged misery constantly complaining about how young people use too many emojis and don’t write sentences.
‘What does IYKWIM mean? Why are you all laughing at an eggplant?
Don’t you comment on good news and holiday photos, but complain that your family members don’t send birthday cards or do their part when it comes to caring for your elderly relatives?
“Family groups require careful navigation,” says Kamalyn. ‘What may seem like casual or direct conversation to one person may seem forceful to others, especially younger members.
‘The older generation may be used to “telling it like it is”, but this doesn’t always translate well into the text.’
street group
It’s invaluable for getting someone to feed your cat when you’re on vacation, but be careful about complaining about every little thing that bothers you. Don’t you think about writing things like: ‘To the person who revved the engine last night, please remember that some of us have to get up early to go to work.’
Or: ‘Just because your wheelie bin is full, don’t use mine.’ I have pictures of the doorbell and I know who you are.
These passive-aggressive complaints can make your neighbors give you a wide berth. “If all your posts are negative, ask yourself how you would feel if someone else posted them,” says Kamalyn. ‘Worn out? Exhausted? Then limit yourself to five minutes of WhatsApp a day.’
school moms
Anyone with children will be in a WhatsApp group where they can compare notes on endless school admin tasks, homework, World Book Day costume hacks and half-term sports camps.
But do you also use it as an opportunity to confront the class teacher or to clique and complain about a parent you don’t like?
“If your complaints turn into nastiness, you will be found out,” says Kamalyn. ‘Call it karma, but it always comes to light. It’s a cowardly use of WhatsApp, if you have a grudge tell someone to their face.’
the one from work
It’s always a useful gathering place where worker bees can gossip, gloat and, yes, complain… within reason. If you’re the person who already fills the office kitchen with sticky notes about dirty mugs and you’re the only one who ever puts toner in the printer, then don’t include this in the group.
You may not be able to see someone roll their eyes, but, Kamalyn says, there are other ways to read people’s frustration.
‘If someone barely interacts now, it may mean they are losing patience with you. Also, after a rant, if you only get the “thumbs up” emoji in response, it’s usually a non-verbal way of saying “enough, already.”
Reading and diet clubs
Anyone in a book club will know that meetings tend to be 90 percent gossip and then a quick ten minutes of discussing the book everyone pretends to have read.
Everyone gets a turn to choose a book, so in the WhatsApp spin-off group, don’t complain if you’re not enjoying Margaret’s boring choice or criticize Wendy for choosing Chic Lit.
Likewise, diet groups are there to provide support, but if you’re angry that Cheryl is only 12 and shouldn’t even be in the class. Keep it to yourself. However, if you have an epic moan, it’s never too late to reverse it.
“You can always leave a follow-up message saying you didn’t mean to complain, but that’s how you felt,” Kamalyn says. “Or better yet, leave a voice note, as many times the tone can get lost in the text.”