Something is looming over Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.
Yes, I’m talking about Laura Loomer, conspiracy theorist, racial activist, MAGA roadie, and aficionado of evil eyebrows.
This woman could put a child with a nut allergy into anaphylactic shock from far away and should not be anywhere near a man who wants to be president.
Yet this 9/11 “truth-teller,” a self-described “proud Islamophobe” (makes sense!), was seen disembarking Trump’s plane in Philadelphia ahead of Tuesday’s debate on ABC News, joined his team backstage at the event, and then again in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, on Sept. 11.
Loomer is so crazy that even space laser lover Marjorie Taylor Greene called her “appalling and extremely racist.”
Well, Don, with good friends like Laura, who needs the presidency?
Because this is definitely what this is starting to look like.
With seven weeks to go until the election, there is no harmful distraction that Trump cannot turn his two little hands to.
By Friday evening, Trump had rowed belatedly back from The Loomonster.
Something is looming over Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. Yes, I’m talking about Laura Loomer (above, left), a conspiracy theorist, racial activist, MAGA supporter and critic-aficionado.
Now, debunk the “eating cats” claims. Honestly, what’s with the Republican ticket’s feline obsession? (Above) Cat meme posted on Donald Trump’s Truth Social account
“I do not agree with the statements she made but, like the millions of people who support me, she is tired of seeing radical leftist Marxists and fascists violently attack and smear me,” Trump posted on Truth Social.
Okay. Now, debunk the claims about “eating cats.”
Honestly, what’s with the Republican ticket’s feline obsession?
JD Vance once claimed that our great nation was run by “a bunch of childless, cat-loving women who are miserable with their own lives and the choices they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”
Meow!
Then, in the debate, Trump poured kerosene on a third-hand, unverified story posted on Facebook from Springfield, Ohio, about a “friend of a neighbor’s daughter” who lost her kitten and found it hanging from a tree, ready to be eaten by Haitian immigrants.
You might think it would be a good idea to investigate a story as inflammatory as this. Instead, Trump turned it into the icing on his cake of crimes against immigrants.
“They’re eating the dogs. They’re eating the cats. They’re eating the pets of the people who live there,” she said of Springfield’s alleged Haitian cats.
Look, I can’t say Loomer planted that ridiculous line in Trump’s “very, very big brain,” but I bet she didn’t pull it off that scratching post, either.
If there’s anyone on their way to becoming a feline lady, it’s Loony Loomer. (You can smell the dirty Fresh Step from here!)
But I still can’t understand why Trump seems to want to join this trip.
On the Feder line
Britney Spears’ youngest son with Kevin Federline, Jayden, turned 18 this week.
How fast it grew!
I’m referring to Big Daddy Kevin’s love handles, of course.
Justin Timberlake’s former backup dancer is now the size of a small Oldsmobile.
Britney Spears’ youngest son with Kevin Federline, Jayden (above, left in 2013), turned 18 this week.
Justin Timberlake’s former backup dancer is now the size of a small Oldsmobile.
DailyMail.com exclusively reported this week that Spears has paid K-Overfed an estimated $5 million in child support payments over the past 17 years.
Now that Jayden is 18, that gravy train has come to a halt, which is actually a good thing for K-Fat.
He’s had enough sauce.
Nepote on parade
Hunter Biden used his father’s title to trick foreign morons into giving him lucrative lobbying contracts and $80,000 worth of diamonds.
Jack Schlossberg relied on his Kennedy blood to land a job disguised as a political correspondent at Vogue.
And now Ella Emhoff can play a runway model thanks to her beloved stepmother.
Ella Emhoff gets to play a runway model thanks to her beloved stepmother.
Our hairy-armpit hipster dominated New York Fashion Week with creative looks like an I Heart NY T-shirt (which could very well have been ripped off by a homeless man in Times Square) and a delicate floral Tory Burch dress that showed off her heavily tattooed legs.
Burch please.
Poop lighter
There goes my hero.
Another rock star couldn’t fit his drumstick into his skinny jeans.
Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl admitted this week that he “recently became the father of a new daughter, born out of wedlock.”
Now, Dave’s ’90s ex, punk rocker Jennifer Finch, has come forward to defend him, claiming that Grohl is actually a great family man.
That better be the case! Because he has two!
Shannon Dull
NFL great Shannon Sharpe has finally come clean after his Instagram account live-streamed two minutes of grunting from a man and woman that sounded like they were having a hard time changing a heavy tire.
“I wasn’t hacked… it was my fault for being a healthy, active man,” he admitted Wednesday night.
“I wasn’t hacked… it was my fault for being a healthy, active man,” he admitted Wednesday night.
“Obviously, I’m embarrassed,” he said. “People are counting on Shannon.”
Hey, Shannon… what’s truly mortifying is referring to yourself in the third person.
Statute of Limitations
When I saw a new Mrs. Doubtfire statue in Northern Ireland, I thought, “I didn’t know Robin Williams was Irish.”
Then, it hit me.
When I saw a new Mrs. Doubtfire statue in Northern Ireland (above), I thought, “I didn’t know Robin Williams was Irish.”
This is supposed to be Queen Elizabeth II.
Her late Majesty is depicted alongside a stiff Prince Philip (who looks like an ungreased Tin Man) and a pair of corgis (who may be cats dressed as dogs).
Quick thinking
Taylor Swift put on her brightest pair of big girl pants and bravely took to Instagram to… endorse Kamala Harris.
How brave and convenient!
Her post came moments after Harris gave Trump a hearty laugh at Tuesday’s debate.
Miss Americana doesn’t root for losers. You better keep catching those balls, Travis.
Smeared in her signature scarlet lipstick and hugging her emotional support cat, TayTay wrote: “I’ve done my research and made my decision.”
He then praised Wily Tim Walz for advocating “IVF.”
Taylor Swift put on her brightest pants and bravely took to Instagram to… support Kamala Harris. How brave and how fitting.
I wish someone would fact-check this childless cat lady’s post (NOT the ABC News debate moderators though).
While Rep. Swift (D-IVA) instantly praises Walz’s fake fertility process, Trump has actually come out in favor of publicly subsidized IVF.
It seems, Taylor, that your “research” is as botched as your romantic history.
Musky
Elon is back in action: offering his billionaire sperm to a member of the three-comma club.
In a bizarre post just hours after T-Swizzle endorsed Mamala, Musk offered to make her childless, tweeting: ‘Fine Taylor… you win… I’ll give you a kid and take care of your cats with my life.’
Luckily for Travis, $250 billion can’t buy Rizz!
(tags to translate)dailymail
