More than a year after our separation, Simon and I finally divorced.
The man I married and had three children with, whom I once considered my soulmate, had become someone I didn’t recognize: my adversary.
The 12 months of bitter disputes had brought out the worst in both of them. But perhaps the rancor that now existed between us had always been threatening to break out; Throughout our years together I had seen it in the discussions we had had, about things big and small.
When we got married, we made up with a kiss… until the kisses stopped and then the arguments took over.
The most contentious part of the divorce was the financial settlement which, unfortunately for me, meant giving Simon a large chunk of the money I had inherited from my grandmother.
But now that was over. It was time to make peace, for the sake of the children.
Annabel Bond remembers how arguments between her and her husband were settled with a kiss when they were happily married many years ago
I appreciated the fact that he wanted me to keep the family home, which meant that Hector, 15, Maude, 12, and Emi, six, had some stability.
Simon rented a dingy flat in south London, where he had no intention of staying. I don’t know why he didn’t buy some place with the money I had given him, but maybe Simon was better off living the life of an itinerant.
Now that the matter of ending our marriage was finally over, I wanted to remember the good times between us, so that we could be civil to each other and move on.
I needed to remember, now that the dust had settled, why I had married him in the first place. Simón was a good father, attentive, especially when the children were small. He was handsome and intelligent. He loved adventure.
In fact, some of the best times Simon and I had together were those early days of adventures. Sixteen years ago, before the children were born, while our house in Wiltshire was being renovated, we decided to travel around Thailand during the winter. I remember more of the sex we had in the heat and chaos of Thailand than we did in the next six years we spent in Wiltshire.
Outside of our usual domestic roles, it was easy to like each other. We ate in restaurants for every meal, so we didn’t have to fight over who did the dishes. Simon was at his best when we were on vacation: determined, charming and outgoing.
The sleeper train we took that vacation from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, in northern Thailand, was the best trip of my life. We started the night with a Pad Thai in the brightly lit dining car and when we returned to our car, our red velvet seats had magically turned into surprisingly comfortable bunk beds, narrow but with pillow, sheets and room to stretch out.
Simon and I weren’t ready to sleep yet, so we ordered a beer and, as the countryside sped by, I remember feeling like I was really alive.
As we huddled together on the bottom bunk, the satin gold curtain drawn for a modicum of privacy, we were desperate for each other. Things were very cozy; there was no room to lie next to each other, so there was nowhere else for him to be except on top of me.
The rattle of the train and the darkness gave us some protection, but for me, the knowledge that I had taken off my clothes and we were about to have sex, with other people in the carriage right next to us but (hopefully ) no one noticed, it was hotter than ever.
While on the sleeper train, the exotic scenery gave their missionary position sex an exciting quality and Annabel felt “really alive.”
There wasn’t much foreplay, but it didn’t matter because I was so turned on.
I was more present with Simon than ever before or since. At the same time, I was mentally watching myself, listening to the voices of the staff as they passed by, feeling the warm air coming in through the window.
The exotic location gave the missionary position sex we were having an exciting quality, so much so that I’ve remembered it all these years later.
I think we got away with it; Nobody lifted the curtain or arrested us.
Simon then chivalrously climbed onto the top bunk (the view was better from below) and the speeding train lulled us to sleep.
In the morning I drew back the curtain and took in the view. The mists hung between the undulations of the greenest mountains I had ever seen. He was ecstatic with happiness.
If someone at that time had told me about the terrible, brutal unhappiness of the divorce and the lawyers that awaited us, and magically given me the option to leave Simon and make a new life with someone else, I’m sure I would have done it. She still chose to stay with him, even with all that that entailed.
Annabel Bond is a pseudonym. The names have been changed.