Dear Jana,
My girlfriend never initiates sexual relations with me and always rejects me when I try. But I caught her pleasuring herself the other night, so she clearly hasn’t lost her sexual desire. How can I get our relationship back?
Dear involuntary celibates,
My question for you is, what are you doing to make her want to have sex with you? Do you brush your teeth, shower before bed, help her around the house? It’s one thing to want sex, but another to be worthy of it.
Oh really. I have so many friends who complain that they come home after a long day at work and her man is sitting in his dirty work clothes in front of the TV waiting for her to make dinner. They fart constantly. Scratching his balls. And, dare I say it, they have gotten carried away. And yet they expect women to treat them lovingly like gods.
Simply put, minimal effort = minimal lovemaking.
If you want your partner to rip off your clothes, how about making an effort outside of the bedroom? Congratulate her, help her around the house, take a bath before going to bed, surprise her with fresh, minty breath. It’s the little things that go a long way. Not just a tit squeeze and a grunt of ‘do you want?’ No, we don’t.
Dear Jana,
I began to develop feelings for an older coworker and position in my company. Is it wrong to act on my feelings? For example, will they drag me to HR if I tell them how I feel?
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Dear Sarah,
Let’s be honest, the only real reason we go to work is so we can shamelessly flirt with our coworkers. Sure, working from home is great for a lazy day in your pajamas, but isn’t it fun to share some cheeky jokes with the office hottie? Lord, it sure makes those spreadsheets a little less boring. But with human resources laws as strict as they are today, it really is a gamble.
Technically, dating a coworker isn’t illegal, but you should make sure your “first move” doesn’t border on sexual harassment.
Before making a decision, I would suggest testing the waters first. He tries to find out a little more about his life outside of work. Are you 100 percent single? Do your conversations delve into topics outside of work? Does his body language suggest that he is physically attracted to you? I’d like to be 100 percent sure you’re interested before I make a move. In fact, she would wait for him to make the first move.
You also have to consider the dangers. If you went on a date and everything goes wrong, are you at risk of losing your job? Does it affect the balance of power?
I once secretly dated a boss, and everyone found out during one particular meeting when he said no to my idea and I defended myself. I told him openly that he was wrong and that we would move forward with my proposal. Normally I would never have the courage to respond so directly to a boss, but outside of work there was no hierarchy… and for a moment I forgot that in the workplace he makes the final decision. Actually, now that I think about it, that’s kind of attractive.
So before you take a risk that could damage your career, make sure he definitely likes you. Oh, and not married. That’s a completely different topic!
Dear Jana,
I want to ask my wife for a threesome for my birthday but I’m afraid she’ll say no. How do I ask him without being embarrassed?
Dear Tony,
Now listen carefully because there is a very delicate art in such a proposal. In fact, get a pen and paper because you’ll want to take notes.
First of all, you don’t want to make it seem like you’re really thirsty and make her feel like she’s not enough. So approach it in a way that is both reassuring and calm.
I would have a romantic dinner, maybe open a bottle of wine, and start by paying him a compliment. Like “you look so beautiful tonight.” Then ask her how she feels about your love life and if there is anything you can do to make it more enjoyable. Top tip here Tony: really listen to what she has to say! Don’t rush to go to the trio chat.
Jana Hocking shares advice on what to do if you want to get your sex life back
Then ask her if she’s interested in spicing it up a little more and trying something new. When he asks you to give him an example, don’t just yell “TRIO!” Suggest a few things, but maybe point out that a threesome has always been on her wish list.
Once again, give it back to him. For example, say something like, “I think it would be very attractive for him to see you admired by another woman.” (O man, no judgment here.) That way she feels included and the star of the show.
So don’t ask him to answer right away, but think about it for a while. She will probably be surprised at first, but you may be surprised to see how the idea grows on her.
However, if the answer is no, don’t insist. Maybe just download some really good porn.
Good luck!