Regina King has opened up about her heartbreak following the death of her son Ian Alexander Jr. by suicide at the age of 26 in January 2022.
While on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar, April 2024 issuethe Oscar winner, 53, reflected on the loss of her only child and how it continues to influence her life and career choices.
“I feel like I’m in a place now where my faith has really been challenged,” the If Beale Street Could Talk star said. “I don’t know if I should say this, because I feel like that’s where I was, but this idea that what you put into it is what you get back, it made me has been proven that this is not necessarily true.”
The actress went on to describe her late son as “pure joy and pure light” despite his battle with depression.
Regina King has opened up about her heartbreak after her son Ian Alexander Jr. died by suicide at age 26 in January 2022.
“He was struggling so much. We knew. We knew what we were going through, but it never came across that way,” she told the outlet. “That’s why I know a smile doesn’t always mean happy.”
She continued: “He would never let whoever he was with feel like they were the most special person in the world.”
King said she now sees that although “he invested a lot in things” of the world and others, “it didn’t come back to him” for some reason.
“If someone said to me: ‘Do you want to do this again, but it will be exactly the same?’ “I would say yes, just because of everything Ian gives me,” she insisted.
Since Ian’s death, King has worked hard to “better understand this new relationship with him” that “the universe has chosen.”
“We always speak in spirit: they are always with us in spirit. But his physical absence is so loud that sometimes it’s hard to tap into that spiritual connection,” she said.
The performer recalled some of their fondest memories together, including him telling her that his film, If Beale Street Could Talk, was the first film that made him feel seen.
She also spoke about wrapping up filming on her latest project, Shirley, which arrived on Netflix last week, just months after her passing.
While covering the April 2024 issue of Harper’s Bazaar, the Oscar winner, 53, reflected on the loss of her only child and how he continues to influence her life and career choices. career.
“I feel like I’m in a place now where my faith has really been challenged,” the If Beale Street Could Talk star said. “I don’t know if I should say this, because I feel like that’s where I was, but this idea that what you put into it is what you get back, it made me has been proven that this is not necessarily true”
“I know Ian would have felt like if I didn’t finish something because of a choice he had to make, then I wasn’t honoring him,” she noted. “We all landed at the finish line on Ian’s wings. He guided us there.
King, who was married to Ian’s father, Ian Alexander Sr. from 1997 to 2007, concluded that she would continue to rely on her son’s legacy to guide her.
“Usually with mothers, our children teach us about ourselves, our abilities, things we never thought we could do, things we never wanted to do and we do,” she said. -she declared. “Ian taught me – and still teaches me – so many things. »
Earlier this week, while appearing on Good Morning America, King said she still feels “a lot of guilt” over Ian’s death.
“When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way and to feel heavy,” she said before pausing and wiping her eyes with a tissue.
King added: “Having to go through that and not being able to have the time to sit down with Ian’s choice, which I respect and understand… that he didn’t want to be here anymore and that’s a difficult thing for others.receive because they haven’t had our experience (and) haven’t had Ian’s journey.
The actress went on to describe her late son as “pure joy and pure light” despite his battle with depression.
“He was struggling so much. We knew. We knew what we were going through, but it never came across that way,” she told the outlet. “That’s why I know a smile doesn’t always mean happy.”
King said she was “so angry at God” and that they tried everything from “therapy, psychiatrists and programs” until Ian said, “I’m tired of talking, Mom “.
“My favorite thing about myself is being Ian’s mother and I can’t say that with a smile, with tears, with all the emotion that goes with it, I can’t do that if I did not respect the trip.”
When asked what the last two years have been like for her, the Watchmen star replied, “Oh wow, you know, I’m a different person now than I was on January 19. Grief is a journey… I understand that grief is a love that has nowhere to go.
Since Ian’s death, King has been working hard to “better understand this new relationship with him” that “the universe has chosen” (seen in 2015)
“We always speak in spirit: they are always with us in spirit. But his physical absence is so loud that sometimes it’s hard to tap into that spiritual connection,” she said.
King was married to Ian’s father, Ian Alexander Sr., from 1997 to 2007 (pictured together in 2003)
“I know it’s important for me to honor Ian and the whole of who he is. I speak of him in the present tense because he is always with me…the joy and happiness he brought to all of us given.’
Regina admitted that attending events without her son was now “absolutely triggering” as he was always by her side when she attended red carpet ceremonies.
“So sometimes it just triggers a laugh.” “Most of the time recently, it triggers a smile, but sometimes his absence, his absence, is very loud,” she explained, before saying that she still has difficulty accepting Ian’s death. .
“It’s a lot of guilt that comes over me,” she said. “When a parent loses a child, we still wonder: what could I have done to prevent this from happening?
“I know I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mother, you know? Just me. And so it’s mine and the sadness will never go away, it will always be with me, and I think I saw somewhere, the sadness reminds me how much he means to me.