We hear a lot of interesting advice about how to improve our sex lives, says respiratory specialist Jamie Clements. ‘To start, there’s this: try this Kama Sutra position!’
But, in reality, for many people the problem is not the technique, but rather a lack of attention. “It’s not a problem of pleasure, it’s a problem of presence,” he says. We are distracted or tense.
‘Many of us spend so much time in our heads that we’re not really there. We’re not really enjoying it. We don’t feel connected to ourselves or our partner.’
The solution is literally within us.
Focusing on your breathing and slowing down your breathing can relax you and bring you back into the moment.
“Breath has a real ability to help us feel more present,” says Jamie, founder of London-based The Breath Space.
‘Part of that perception of lack of pleasure is because we are disconnected from the feeling. Breathing is a very effective route to reconnect with your body, yourself and your feelings.’
Jamie is aware that to some this will seem like hot air.
‘I know how to breathe’, you might be thinking. ‘I’ve been doing it successfully my whole life!’
But their approach is that breathing is more of a posture. There is usually room for improvement and making even the most subtle changes can be noticeably beneficial.
It can do a lot for us, especially in the bedroom. If you’ve ever tried to lose yourself in your lover’s embrace, but your brain keeps reminding you about an email you should have sent, then you might inadvertently “forget” to breathe, putting your body under stress, so as As cortisol increases, passion fades. .
Focusing on your breathing and slowing down your pace can relax you and bring you back into the moment.
Here, Jamie explains how to breathe new life into your lovemaking…
1. Stop holding your breath at crucial moments
It is common to tense up and hold your breath during sex. We often do it unconsciously, especially in the moments before orgasm.
It takes away the experience, because to fully feel pleasure we need to be in a relaxed state.
But becoming aware that you are holding your breath is the starting point. Once you realize that you are doing it, you can start to change.
2. Try nasal breathing
Keeping your mouth closed and inhaling through your nose stimulates the release of nitric oxide into your bloodstream.
Nitric oxide is a vasodilator and, by relaxing and widening blood vessels, it improves circulation and lowers blood pressure.
That means it can improve sexual function, for both men and women, by increasing blood flow to the places where it needs to flow.
Nasal breathing also naturally slows down breathing and keeps us relaxed. Inhale through your nose, down your abdomen to your diaphragm.
Breathing specialist Jamie Clements says breathing can do a lot for us, especially in the bedroom.
3. Imagine breathing deeply into your body.
Increasing the depth of breathing during sexual relations can put us in the optimal state to relax and feel pleasure.
If you are tense or worried, your breathing is likely to be short, rapid, and shallow, from your mouth to the top of your chest.
Inhaling deeply, into the lower abdomen and pelvic floor, can calm you and improve sensations.
While the breath does not physically reach our pelvic floor, when we visualize that we are breathing into that space, it can have a powerful effect.
(As if to say: close your eyes and focus on your right index finger; soon you will feel a tingling and throbbing in that finger.)
4. Synchronize your breathing
Especially in long-term relationships, sex can become a chore – you lose that spark, connection and depth.
Breathing in sync with a partner can be an incredibly intimate and connecting experience. Sometimes it’s not even about how you breathe together, it’s the act of intentionally sitting, comfortably close, facing each other (you may be fully clothed), looking into each other’s eyes and slowing your breathing at the same time.
Place a hand on your partner’s chest or stomach to create a physical connection and then breathe through your nose, beginning to slow your breathing at the same time as the other.
Try inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for six seconds together.
As your breathing gains a rhythm, your heartbeats begin to synchronize. It is a simple and wonderfully powerful practice to do as a couple.
5. Include this ancient practice
This is called “microcosmic orbit,” derived from Taoist philosophy, and is a simple practice.
Sit or lie down, close your eyes and focus on your pelvic floor. Then, moving your attention up through your spine to the top of your head, inhale slowly through your nose.
As you move down the front of your body, between your legs, exhale slowly. And repeat.
You are creating an orbit around your body. Over time, with your breathing (inhale as you go up, exhale as you go down, combining slow, deep breathing with connecting with different parts of the body) you are creating a cycle of sexual energy.
The macrocosmic orbit is the couple version; It’s similar, but when you inhale, your partner exhales and vice versa, as you create a sensual flow together.