The term ‘gaslighting’ has become increasingly common in recent times, but many people are unsure what exactly it is.
London-based forensic psychiatrist Dr. Sohom Das, who runs a YouTube channel called A psychologist for sore minds has described gaslighting in a video, in addition to addressing five myths about it.
He started the video by describing what gaslighting is and saying: ‘(That) is a form of emotional abuse that arises from manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, their own memories, or their perception of reality.
‘It is a deliberate attempt to erode someone’s sense of confidence in themselves and their experiences. So you can think of it as a covert form of control and domination.”
He explained that an overt form of control could be someone controlling someone’s finances or being violent.
Dr. Sohom Das (pictured) debunked five myths about gaslighting in a video on his A Psych for Sore Minds YouTube channel.
But, Dr. Das explained, as a type of covert control, gaslighting is not like that, it is done so subtly that the victim begins to doubt themselves.
He continued: “The first key aspect of gaslighting is about power and control – that’s the point.” It is about dominating the victim and making them doubt themselves.
‘And, as I said before, the key difference to other forms of manipulation is that it is subtle. “It’s under the radar.”
The second aspect of gaslighting is manipulation tactics, Dr. Das said, explaining that “gaslighters use several specific tactics such as denial, deflection, trivialization and lying to create a sense of confusion.”
The long-term impact is that this makes the victim feel anxious, depressed, isolated and withdrawn.
“They might even start to question their own judgment,” he continued.
Listing some tactics that gaslighters use and the phrases they use to do so, he said: ‘The number one phrase is related to denial. (For example, a gaslighter will say “what you never said,” even though you did. They deny that ever happened.)
The next phrases he listed were related to trivialization and included a gaslighter saying things like “ok princess, calm down, you’re exaggerating, it’s really no big deal.”
While many people believe that gaslighting only occurs in romantic relationships, it can occur in many different scenarios.
Blaming was the third tactic he listed, which can be expressed through phrases like “you’re a snowflake, if you weren’t so sensitive this wouldn’t be a problem.”
The fourth tactic used by gaslighters is to play the victim, presenting themselves as the victim and the victim as the abuser.
He then began to list five common myths about gaslighting and explained why they are not true.
1. Gaslighting only happens in romantic relationships
According to Dr. Das: “Gaslighting can occur in other types of dynamics. It could be a parent-child relationship, it could be a friendship, it could even be a co-worker dynamic or within a cult setting.’
He explained that gaslighting is not just about romance, but about power and control, so it can occur in many different scenarios.
2. It’s a good idea to confront your gas lighter directly.
According to Dr Das: ‘Obviously there will be some situations with gaslighting where ties with the individual cannot be severed.
‘So if it’s about, say, your parents or your brother, you probably can’t walk away from that situation. Other times it might be easier. If it’s a new romantic relationship, you can probably cut ties.
“So, if possible, the healthiest thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation and prioritize your own well-being and your own mental health.”
3. GasLighting is always intentional.
With some gas lighters, Dr. Das said it “absolutely” is very deliberate.
“But in other cases,” he explained, “they won’t even realize they’re doing it, a bit like when you grind your teeth at night.”
He continued: ‘So how come they don’t realize? Well, they may have learned these manipulation tasks in their own education. Sometimes it’s so ingrained that they do it on autopilot. He becomes automatic.”
This could be because “they’re literally modeling what they learned when they were younger,” she said, while sometimes it’s because “they think every relationship needs to have a dynamic.”
4. Only people with low intelligence can be fooled
“Really, anyone is susceptible to gaslighting,” Dr. Das said.
‘So it has nothing to do with intelligence. It’s more about how much they care about the gaslighter’s opinion.
“That may be related to low self-esteem, but equally it may be related to high levels of empathy, just being a good person, or you might genuinely love that person, or you might have been emotionally dependent on them, either now.” or in the past.’
Dr Sohom Das (pictured) is a London-based forensic psychiatrist who also creates YouTube content on his channel A Psych for Sore Minds.
5. Gaslighting is a modern phenomenon
“Humanity has been playing mind games since the beginning of time,” said the psychiatrist.
He explained that while the term “gaslighting” entered our lexicon only recently, it has been around for as long as humans have interacted with each other.
Dr Das explained the origins of the word, saying: ‘It originated in a 1938 British play by Patrick Hamilton which was titled Gaslight.
‘The play tells the story of a husband who manipulates his own wife into believing she is going crazy by dimming the gas light in their house and then denying it when she confronts him… (this) leaves the wife questioning her sanity. and your own perception of reality.
Dr. Sohom Das can be found at Twitter, instagramand Tik Tokas well as YouTube.