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Amid the stress of modern life, we seem to be more anxious than ever, with famous faces from Prince Harry to Adele among those who have shared their experiences with the condition.
And increasingly, children and adolescents suffer too. The number of children referred to NHS mental health services with anxiety each year is now double what it was before the pandemic.
So how do you know if your child is struggling and how to help them? Here, Dr. Amanda Gummer, a psychologist specializing in child development (goodplayguide.com) shares his advice…
What is causing children’s increased anxiety?
Adults sometimes suggest that childhood anxiety is an attempt to get attention or “a phase.” Others place all the blame on smartphones, citing the pressure of constantly being online, comparisons with others, and the typical teenage “fear of missing out” (Fomo) as major stressors. But while social media plays a big role in fueling anxiety among tweens and teens, phones aren’t the only cause. As was the case long before smartphones, young people have limited life experience and, in particular, a lack of experience when it comes to failing, so the fear of making mistakes, socially or academically, can be very real. . There is also school pressure, family problems and global problems that reach them every day through distressing images online.
How to know if your child is having difficulties and how to help them? Here, Dr. Amanda Gummer, a child development psychologist, shares her advice.
Sometimes genetics and upbringing can also play a role in whether a parent suffers from anxiety. In teenagers, drinking alcohol, smoking strong marijuana, and even too many energy drinks can cause increased anxiety.
What are the signs to pay attention to?
Anxiety can manifest itself both physically and behaviorally, from a mysterious tummy ache in a younger child to sudden outbursts of temper in a teenager. Watch for changes in sleep patterns, such as difficulty falling asleep or frequent nightmares. Other signs include withdrawal from social activities, irritability, and avoidance of certain situations, such as parties or sleepovers. Younger children may try to find excuses, while older children may simply refuse to discuss their decision. Over time, you may notice a decline in academic performance or even refuse to go to school.
Anxiety can trigger real symptoms, so don’t assume they’re faking it when they mention headaches, stomachaches, or frequent, unspecified claims that they don’t feel well.
Also, keep in mind that anxiety can manifest differently in boys and girls. Generally speaking, boys may express anxiety through anger, irritability, or behavioral difficulties, while girls are more likely to internalize it, leading to withdrawal, sadness, or perfectionism. But these patterns are not rigid: any worry or fear that seems out of proportion is a red flag and should be investigated further.
How should I approach my child?
Approaching an anxious child requires sensitivity and understanding, but with younger children play can be a really powerful tool. Parents I work with are often surprised at how much children can open up during a board game or any fun family activity where they feel safe.
For primary school children, use simple, clear language. Ask open-ended questions, such as “how does school make you feel?” and provide them with a safe, non-judgmental space to express themselves. You can also use stories or games to outline imaginary scenarios and ask them how they feel and how they could solve problems. Or, if you are a reader, authors like Jacqueline Wilson do a good job of addressing the concerns of childhood and pre-adolescence, which can then be discussed.
Dr. Amanda Gummer advises sharing some of your own emotions with your children to let them know that even the biggest, most painful feelings can change.
With teens, respect their need for privacy (don’t snoop through their diaries), but let them know you’re available to listen when they want to talk. Always validate their feelings (“yes, what you said sounds disturbing”) and avoid minimizing any concerns you share, even if they seem trivial. Saying ‘no one cares what your hair looks like!’ not useful; For them, it is enormously important. As I mentioned above, teenagers have limited life experience and therefore a much narrower perspective on what “really matters.” While listening is crucial, practical measures could include agreeing limits on screen time, as well as encouraging regular physical activity to boost endorphins “happy chemicals” and eating well (too much sugar can cause mood drops ).
Also share your own emotions with them to let them know that even big, painful feelings can change, for example: “I felt very sad when Grandma died, but now I feel happy when I remember her.” But don’t use your child as an emotional crutch. They need to feel safe and they are your child, not your confidant.
What happens if they don’t talk about it?
It is important not to pressure. Encourage activities that promote relaxation, such as physical exercise and uplifting hobbies such as nature journaling, drawing, reading, or listening to relaxing music. Try to create a family culture in which feelings are shared without judgment and do not allow siblings or older relatives to mock or dismiss emotions. Often with teenagers, the pressure to be perfect can be a big source of anxiety, so always let kids see you make mistakes and witness you address them and move on.
Is anxiety a temporary condition or feeling?
There is a difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety. It is normal for children to experience anxiety as part of the emotional spectrum, and helping them develop resilience in response to regular daily stress can prevent it from escalating. But if it escalates and those feelings become overwhelming and impact their daily functioning, they may need professional intervention from a therapist who can help them understand what is happening. In some cases, medications can help, but psychotherapy usually comes first, except in extreme cases.
However, don’t assume that an anxious child or teen will be an anxious adult. While some people may be predisposed to anxiety thanks to genetics and early experiences, early support can really help reduce the impact of anxiety in the long term. Teaching children coping strategies, such as calm breathing, distraction techniques, and problem-solving to find a solution, can greatly decrease the likelihood that anxiety will persist into adulthood.
