Georgia Kousoulou says she will “never get over the feeling” of losing her baby after suffering a devastating miscarriage at 12 weeks.
The former TOWIE star, 32, who shares son Brody, two, with husband Tommy Mallet, 31, began therapy after struggling with emotional triggers and feeling “exhausted” by grief.
And Georgia’s sadness came to the surface again as she reflected on her trauma while writing her new book I Wish I Knew, where she opens up about the pain of losing a baby.
After almost a year since the nightmare, Georgia says she is “distracted” by Brody, the “boy of her dreams,” but often experiences negative thoughts, especially when she is on social media.
But she wants to try to have more children with Tommy, whom she married in a surprise ceremony last year, as she has always imagined herself having a big family, as she was when she grew up with two brothers.
Georgia Kousoulou says she will “never get over the feeling” of losing her baby after suffering a devastating miscarriage at 12 weeks.
The former TOWIE star, who shares son Brody with husband Tommy Mallet, began receiving therapy after struggling with emotional triggers and feeling “exhausted” by grief.
Georgia wants to try to have more children with Tommy, whom she married in a surprise ceremony last year, as she has always imagined herself having a big family.
She said: ‘I don’t think you’ll ever get over that feeling.
‘I just started therapy, I’m much better, luckily for me I have Brody who is the love of my life, he is a dream boy and he keeps me distracted, but there are still triggers. The problem with baby loss is that there are triggers everywhere.
‘My entire Instagram is about babies or weddings. The hardest thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to feel sad but happy for other people.
‘I really struggled with that… I thought I was a bad person.
‘The consequences are exhausting, it is hard. I hope one day I get pregnant again and maybe that will make me feel better, but I don’t know.
‘I really want a big family; I see us having three or four children. When you’re old, you look at your table and it’s full of people, that’s what it all comes down to.’
While Georgia says writing her book was a cathartic experience, she also had to deal with reliving much of her previous trauma.
The Baby Steps star previously explained that she had to undergo an abortion after doctors discovered a rare chromosomal disorder that meant the couple’s baby had no chance of surviving.
Tommy and Georgia, stars of ITV reality show Baby Steps, have been together for more than a decade and plan to celebrate their recent vows with a big party in Spain next year.
Georgia also talks in her book about feeling “lost” after becoming a mother for the first time, saying, “I seemed like a different person.”
Learning to be a mother was also difficult, and Georgia admitted that she was paid to promote some baby products that she wasn’t even sure how to make work.
If she had continued with her pregnancy, her baby would have suffered a miscarriage or stillborn.
Recording the audiobook was particularly difficult, but Georgia says facing her pain head-on has helped her move forward and urges women experiencing similar emotions to do the same.
She said: “Writing the book a lot of bad memories resurfaced… especially the loss of a baby because that wasn’t in the report.”
“I was pregnant when I was writing the book and then everything changed and it was difficult. I thought I have to add this chapter. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I had to.
‘I did the audio recording in January… that was difficult. I remember I was just getting off my period and I told the producer I needed a minute because you’re really… it’s so raw.
‘I’m speaking from my heart, and I was reliving it again. I know it will help people, so I have to keep going. It helps me later because the more I talk, the better I feel.’
Georgia also talks in her book about feeling “lost” after becoming a mother for the first time, saying, “I seemed like a different person.”
She went from being a glamorous TV star to wearing only “baggy clothes” and says that once Tommy returned to work and friends’ visits stopped, she asked herself, “What am I supposed to do now?”
The TV personality has revealed she is the opposite of a bridezilla and is under pressure from her wedding planner to start making some big decisions.
Georgia has asked 12 of her closest friends to be her bridesmaids when she marries Tommy again in Spain next year, including former TOWIE co-star Lydia Bright.
Learning to be a mother was also difficult, and Georgia admitted that she was paid to promote some baby products that she wasn’t even sure how to make work.
She said: ‘I remember having Brody and I was in a very dark place, my hormones were all over the place and I felt very depressed.
“It’s very, very difficult because it’s you all this time and then you’re a mother and you have to take care of this human being.
“They need you all day, the TV you watch is for children, the food you cook is for them, your whole life is centered around this tiny little person telling you what to do.”
“Looking back, if I could give myself one piece of advice it would be not to put too much pressure on yourself, give yourself that time because it’s a lot.”
Georgia credits Tommy, her partner of ten years, for helping her regain her confidence.
She remembers that the shoe businessman arranged for a babysitter and took her shopping, where he gave her new clothes.
Georgia says the gesture will stay with her forever because it was the first step in starting to feel like her old self.
Georgia says writing her new book I Wish I Knew was like ‘therapy’ as she reflected on the ups and downs of her childhood and becoming a first-time mother to her son Brody.
She said: ‘Tommy saved me. He was amazing to me.
“I’ll never forget, one day he took me shopping and I told him I didn’t want to go, but we went out and he bought me really nice things for the gym.
“I was so excited about my new wardrobe he bought me, I felt confident in it, just giving me a few more outfits boosted my confidence and then I started doing my hair again and feeling like myself.” ‘
Georgia and Tommy surprised their fans by posting a picture from their legal wedding day after secretly tying the knot last December.
Georgia wrote on Instagram: “After a challenging year, we decided we wanted to end the year happy, in love and together as husband and wife.” The second part of the wedding will be coming soon…’
And now Georgia has revealed she is the opposite of a bridezilla and is under pressure from her wedding planner to start making some big decisions.
She said: ‘I’m so excited for our Spanish wedding next year.
‘I’ve barely organized anything because I’m the worst girlfriend. I haven’t thought about this since I was a child, like most girls. I have not been that girl.
‘I don’t have a band, all I have are 12 bridesmaids, which is very dramatic. It’s going to be chaos and like a big party.
“I know what I want to wear, though. I’m going to have my dress designed and I’ll have an evening dress because all I want to do is get dirty and dance all night.”
- I Wish I Knew by Georgia Kousoulou available February 29 RRP £18.99