Dear Jane,
I’m getting married next June! I still can’t quite believe it.
And contrary to what everyone has told me, wedding planning has been pretty easy so far.
Except for one really interesting topic: my bridesmaids.
I’ve had four of my bridesmaids locked up since we were in high school. We’ve been friends for years, we’re very close, and it was always obvious to me that they would be with me when I finally got married.
Then I have a cousin who is like my best friend, so she was another obvious choice.
Dear Jane, I don’t want my sister to be in my bridal party because I think she’s going to ruin my wedding. How do I tell them without provoking a serious argument?
But my fiancé will have six groomsmen and ideally we’d like to have an even number, which is where things get a little weird. I have an older sister, so I think most people assumed she would be my sixth pick, including her.
I, on the other hand, can’t think of anything worse than having her in my bridal party.
She has always been pessimistic about everything. And while I was planning the wedding, she kept harping on all the negative things she could. Flowers are too expensive, having two dresses is silly, my choice of wedding venue is too over the top, blah blah blah.
The crazy thing is that she seems to think these interjections are actually useful to me. She keeps telling me how much she enjoyed “helping with the plans” and asked me several times when I will tell the “rest” of my bridesmaids who are in my bridal party.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest topics in her column Dear Jane, Agony Aunt
So now I’m stuck in that really awkward position of wanting to ask someone else, but not knowing how to tell them it’s not…desired.
Obviously she’ll be invited that day, I just can’t stand the thought of having her near me while I get ready, no doubt telling me how horrible everything is.
How can I let it fall firmly but gently?
Of,
wedding panic
Dear wedding panic,
Firstly, my best wishes for your wedding – it’s such an exciting thing to be organizing and I’m delighted that most of your plans are going so well.
And I know how disturbing it must be to have a sister who is always negative and critical, how toxic it can be to have someone with so much negative energy around on such a happy day.
I don’t think your sister should be in your wedding party.
I recently had a birthday party and one of the guests came in in a bad mood: he had gotten lost driving there and blamed us for the bad directions and then complained about almost everything. I had a great time, except for the fact that every time I looked, I saw this woman gesturing furiously at whoever was talking.
I won’t deny that it definitely ruined my party a little.
This is your wedding. Up to you. You don’t have to say you don’t want it, you just have to say thank you but you’ve already chosen your bridesmaids.
If she presses you, you can always tell her that you’ve been annoyed by her constant criticism, but honestly, I’m inclined to suggest keeping it simple and just saying that you’ve already invited other people over.
I wish you luck!