A radio journalist has said he regrets having his daughter and often feels “bored and frustrated” when he has to play with her.
Miguel Macias, 48, wrote an essay for the New York Times in which he explored the complexity of his feelings about fatherhood.
While he acknowledged a “deep love” for his daughter, Olivia, he was brutally honest about some of the most challenging emotions he’s felt since her arrival.
“It’s such a difficult feeling to express, so universally taboo, that I’m nervous to express it even to those closest to me: regret,” Macias wrote.
The new father explained that he had never wanted to have children before and preferred to focus on his career.
Radio journalist Miguel Macías (pictured with his partner) said he regrets having his baby daughter and that he often gets “bored and frustrated” when he has to play with her.
But as the years passed, his ambitions to make Oscar-winning documentaries faded and his life didn’t look the way he imagined.
This, combined with the desire to please their partner, led them to take the plunge and eventually welcome the child.
Amid all the typical emotions new parents feel, Macias said he felt a little embarrassed to find regret bubbling to the surface.
He attributed this in part to small things like frustration when his daughter misbehaves and boredom from the monotony of parenting.
“Despite my love for Olivia, I don’t really enjoy playing with her,” Macias admitted.
“I can play for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but then I get bored and frustrated because I’m wasting my time.”
She also said she mourned the loss of her former life and goals, and questioned whether it was the most moral decision to bring a child into a rapidly warming world rife with conflict.
The journalist explained how he tried to suppress his feelings of regret while battling depression.
While Macias acknowledged a “deep love” for his daughter, he was brutally honest about some of the most challenging emotions he has felt since her arrival.
Macías detailed his experiences in an essay for the New York Times
Over time, Macias wrote, she came to appreciate sitting with the emotion as a way to deal with it.
Essentially, Macías has come to the conclusion that regret can coexist with his immense love for Olivia.
“If we don’t allow ourselves to feel regret — to feel it and come to some kind of peace with it — we run the risk of being haunted by it,” he wrote.
