- In her latest column about the agony aunt, bestselling author Jane Green offers some candid advice to a woman whose transformation has destroyed a friendship.
- Do you have any questions for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com or ask below
- READ MORE: My wife thinks I CHEAT, just because I made a lifestyle change
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Dear Jane,
I’ve spent most of my life being the chubby friend. And I say this without any resentment; in fact, it’s something I enjoyed for many years. I developed a great sense of humor and happily became the funny one in my group of friends.
It may seem cliché to some, but entertaining people made me very happy. Making people laugh with me and not at me made me very happy.
I may not have been the pretty one or the skinny one, but I never really cared. And I formed an incredible group of close friends throughout high school and college, none of whom made me feel like I was the “big one” among them.
Dear Jane, I lost 50 pounds after going through serious medical problems, and although many of my friends congratulated me for it, my closest friend completely turned against me.
Well, about a year ago, I was diagnosed with some health problems and had to undergo a series of pretty serious surgical procedures, as well as make some major lifestyle changes: eliminating many foods, giving up alcohol for a while… you get the idea.
As a result, without trying, I began to lose weight.
Surprisingly, my role in my friend group changed. Suddenly people were complimenting me on how good I looked, how much weight I had lost… and all of this made me feel very uncomfortable.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest topics in her column Dear Jane, Agony Aunt
Here I was being praised for something over which I had absolutely no control and which had actually only occurred as a result of a serious health problem.
But there was one friend in our group, the person I would have said was my closest friend, who seemed to seriously dislike my weight loss.
Suddenly, she started making fun of me at every available opportunity… every time someone praised my weight loss, she would make a sarcastic comment like, ‘Oh, if only we could all have surgery and lose weight,’ as if I had been subjected to to liposuction instead of a major surgical procedure.
She stopped answering my texts, she never hangs out with me alone, and to be honest, I’m already sick of her.
I’m devastated that our friendship could really end because of this, but I don’t know how I can forgive her for being so vile when all I’ve done is support her.
Should I rule it out forever or should I try to explain my version?
Of,
feel small
Dear little feeling,
Please don’t be discouraged by the end of this friendship, because that’s not how a real friend behaves.
True friends do not feel threatened by another’s transformation, in fact, they applaud and support it. Real friends don’t make snide comments, ghost, or stop responding to text messages without explanation.
It’s incredibly hurtful to be treated like this by someone we thought was a good friend, but jealousy is always a deal breaker, and this behavior smacks of jealousy.
There is nothing you have to forgive her for. Leave her alone and remember that you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you, support you, and treat you with kindness and respect.
Never go after people who treat you badly, no matter how much you think you can excuse that behavior by analyzing their own childhood trauma or harm.
The bottom line is that you deserve to be treated well and you should let go of people who can’t.