I was surprised, but not entirely surprised, to wake up to yesterday’s headlines that TV presenter Erin Jayne Plummer, who took her own life two years ago, may have been suffering domestic violence at the hands of her husband Alan when she died.
The allegations emerged after Alan himself was found dead at the foot of a cliff at Freshwater Beach on Sunday, having also committed suicide.
I didn’t know Erin Jayne, but I remember feeling terribly sad when she passed away in May 2022, leaving behind three daughters – now orphans – and her husband..
Seeing the perfect photos of the couple on the news, they looked so happy and so in love. Snuggling together at dinner parties, twirling around on your wedding day, posing for family photos. How lucky they were to have each other, I thought. While she may have felt lost in the end, at least she knew the love in her life.
And it really seemed like Erin had it all: a successful career as a TV host and aerobics star, stunning looks, and, what we assumed, the perfect husband of 22 years.
When the details of her death became public (that she had jumped from the top of the Manly cliffs on Sydney’s northern beaches), the question on my mind was: ‘How could such a beautiful woman who had everything do such a thing?’
Now it seems we know why.
As revealed yesterday by this media, an investigation by the New South Wales state coroner discovered that she had confided in friends that she was a victim of domestic violence and coercive control and that she planned to leave her husband.
The Plummers’ smiling family photos offered no hint of the domestic violence and coercive control that supposedly occurred behind closed doors, writes Amanda Goff.
‘I can’t look at the Plummers’ photos the same way anymore. My heart goes out to her. And to other women who are living that nightmare,” Amanda writes.
Erin had a terrible secret that she only shared with a select few; He hadn’t even reported it to the police. The woman who looked so happy and in love in those photos was supposedly trapped in an abusive marriage.
As the saying goes, “the camera doesn’t lie.” But it does. Ask the airbrushed influencers who can’t stand how they look without filters or the happy couples who are actually on the brink of collapse. Or the mother who hides her anguish behind a forced smile and lipstick, ready to burst into tears at any moment, barely holding back for her children.
I can’t look at the Plummers’ photos the same way anymore. My heart goes out to her. And to other women who are living that nightmare.
It’s a story I know too well. Violence does not discriminate. These marriages are everywhere, even in the posh suburbs. Especially in the posh suburbs.
Amanda: ‘Violence does not discriminate. These marriages are everywhere, even in the posh suburbs. Especially in the posh suburbs.
Instagram posts of mansions and designer clothes, fast cars and Aspen vacations may seem enviable, but I know the terrifying reality of what happens in some of those houses. I’ve been in Sydney’s eastern suburbs for 25 years; I am part of the community of school moms, business owners and locals. Believe me when I tell you, scratch beneath the surface and you will find privileged women living in multi-million dollar homes whose seemingly perfect lives are, in reality, absolute hell..
I also know some police officers. I once joked with one about how bored they must be in the East; after all, what would they be chasing in Bondi? Some purses stolen on the beach? The occasional small-time cocaine bust? Missing dogs?
“You’d be surprised what really happens,” he responded. “The rates of domestic violence here are huge, more than any other area I’ve worked in.” And it’s not just the east, it’s the northern beaches, the elegant north coast; Anywhere there is a lot of money you will find husbands who treat their wives like trash.
It was a shock to me, but it shouldn’t have been. In my previous life as the owner of a luxury escort agency, I mainly employed women over 40 who, with a few exceptions, shared the same story.: They were upper-middle-class divorcees with horror stories about their “perfect” marriages.
Some had escaped physical violence, others were married to drug addicts and narcissists. Some were controlled by husbands with money and access to children. Some were subjected to horrific emotional and verbal abuse.
It was horrible to hear their stories, and I have so much respect for the bravery of these women who manage to escape, often penniless and broken, from these marriages.
And they don’t just run away from abusive men. Many women who seem to lead perfect lives online are struggling with their own problems: alcohol, drugs, loneliness.
I lost a girlfriend to alcoholism: a beautiful friend and professional model. He struggled with anxiety and loneliness, and drank to escape his sadness. No one would have guessed it from her social networks, her designer wardrobe and her career.
Seeking support is not easy. It takes courage to escape abusive marriages, especially when the husband controls the finances and children.
Erin’s last Instagram post, from a work trip to New Zealand, was posted four weeks before she died.
The suicides of Erin Jayne and her husband have left the couple’s three children orphaned
Plummer was found dead on Freshwater beach (pictured) on Sunday morning.
There’s also the embarrassment and “keeping up with the neighbors” factor. The fear of what your socialite friends would think if they knew how tragic your life was.
My guess is that many of them are going through it too, or certainly more than you think. It may not always be physical violence, but rather coercive control, affairs, verbal abuse, disrespect and, something I personally find abhorrent, parental alienation..
As women, we need to stop clinging to the idea that our lives must be “perfect.” There is no shame in fighting, there is no shame in honesty, there is no shame in asking for help. If you are one of those women desperately trying to keep up appearances while trapped in an abusive marriageMy advice to you is to tell someone, or better yet, report it to the police and do it today. She is not alone: once one woman speaks, others will follow.
You could save another woman’s life or, more importantly, your own.