Following President Joe Biden’s disastrous debate performance, a new presidential candidate appears to have emerged as an alternative to Biden and former President Donald Trump.
Bruce Mahnken III, a self-described comedian and entertainer, filmed himself shirtless and wearing a gold chain as he recited his campaign slogan: “I’m running for the fuck out of here.”
With the song Yankee Doodle Dandy playing in the background, Mahnken stood in front of his truck and made his first bold proclamation.
“Vote for me, because I’m not 95 fucking years old and I still remember where I park my truck,” the long-haired man said in a TikTok video that has already racked up more than 11 million views.
Among the 47,000 comments (and counting) on the viral video, one viewer said: “Best candidate I’ve seen in decades.”
Another wrote: ‘Dude, you won me over at under 95.’
Bruce Mahnken III jokingly listed a wide range of policies he would implement as president, including making congressmen work in fast food restaurants.
Other comments echoed this long-standing sentiment among Americans that the candidates are too old.
Most Americans have repeatedly responded to polls saying they do not want a rematch between Trump and Biden in the 2024 election, with many saying both are too old or mentally and physically unfit to serve.
Americans are so alienated from the current president that only 38 percent of voters believe Biden will be alive at the end of his second term.
Like most Americans, Mahnken is aware of this, which makes it that much easier for him to make jokes about the current state of our presidential politics.
His next campaign speech came from a motorcycle as he looked to test the Internet tough guys.
“Vote for me and I’ll make a law that says if you talk shit on the Internet, you’ll have to fight in real life,” he said, punctuating his speech with a wry smile.
Another law of his invention could provoke quite a few resignations of members of Congress.
Former President Donald Trump and President Joe Biden are pictured during the CNN debate last Thursday. Headlines were dominated by Biden’s shaky performance, characterized by forgetfulness, a hoarse voice and frequent trouble communicating his ideas.
“Vote for me and I’ll make everyone in the fucking Senate and Congress work in fast food for the next eight fucking years,” he said.
He then addresses foreign policy, reflecting his earlier proposal that people who fight on social media should fight in real life.
“Vote for me and if we have a problem with another country, I will have a problem with their leader and it will all be over. No more wars,” he said.
Throughout the video, he wore a tie-dyed cap with the words OKIE on the front, suggesting he might be from Oklahoma.
While Oklahoma may not be a key swing state, one commentator suggested Mahnken spice up his candidacy by choosing TikTok star ‘Hawk Tuah’ as his vice presidential running mate.
Haliey Welch became famous for an interview she did on June 19 in which she used the term ‘Hawk Tuah’ to describe a sexual act.
Like any tried-and-true political ad, he ended it with a still image of himself saying, “This message is approved by Captain Son of a Bitch Isosceles.”
Mahnken also responded to people who asked him to do things as president.
One person asked if the US could have a 4-day weekend.
His response: ‘We only work on Thursdays and half a day on Fridays.’
Another person requested that he bring music videos back to MTV and create a television channel dedicated to playing Star Wars 24/7.
“It seems feasible,” he replied.
Arguably the biggest question he received in the comments was from someone who asked him what name they should write on their ballot to vote for him.
He replied, ‘Bruce Hampshire Mahnken III.’
Like any tried-and-true political ad, he ended it with a still image of himself saying, “This message is approved by Captain Damn Isosceles.”
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