World-renowned relationship experts have claimed that an affair can save your relationship and dismissed the idea of ”the one.”
American doctors John and Julie Gottman appeared on a recent episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, hosted by entrepreneur Steven Bartlett, and claimed that couples can repair their relationship after an affair.
The duo, who have been married for 36 years and have spent the last five decades studying love and what makes it last, also revealed that there is no such thing as “the one.”
Julie claimed that 75 per cent of relationships can be successfully ‘treated’ and ‘healed’ after infidelity and experts developed a three-step model to help restore a marriage.
Julie said: ‘We developed a model based on our research called atone, tune and attach. The AAA model and this is, in a nutshell, what it entails.
American doctors John and Julie Gottman have revealed that affairs can save your relationship and claimed there is no such thing as “the one” in a recent episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast.
“First, the person who betrayed should respond with complete transparency to every question the injured partner asks; however, the injured partner should not ask about the type of sex they had.”
The expert explained that every person who has suffered an affair has post-traumatic stress disorder and will suffer “Flashbacks and too much intimate information cantorment her to an even greater degree.”
She said, “So, atoning is answering the questions and then saying I’m sorry a thousand times and meaning it.”
Subsequently, the betrayed partner must express their emotion without criticism and out of contempt.
Julie, speaking as if she were a couple who had been cheated on, said: “I feel destroyed, I feel like my world has collapsed, I feel so empty, so abandoned, so rejected, that she has to describe it or he will have to describe it.” “. describe your own feelings…so that’s the atonement phase.’
In the attunement phase, the couple has to analyze the marriage or relationship itself and what is wrong with it.
The expert said: “A lot of times what you see are couples who at the beginning might have had a terrible conflict, it was so bad that they started to avoid the conflict, once they avoided it, they became more emotionally distant and the person who betrayed them became lonely.
The couple appeared on The Diary Of A CEO podcast, hosted by businessman Steven Bartlett (pictured) and claimed the couple can really repair the relationship after an affair.
“A lot of times affairs are not just about having more sex, but about loneliness and starting to talk to someone else about how unhappy they are.”
Julie said the third phase, which they call attaching, is recommitting to the relationship.
She said: ‘In many cases, I have seen sexual intercourse is not It resumes until phase three, especially if the woman is the one who has been betrayed, but there are some where the woman throws herself sexually at the man to compete with the affair partner and be better than the affair partner, so now you know. It can be both things.
Steven asked if experts had ever seen cheating help a relationship, and Julie responded, “Very often when they get help.”
“If they don’t get help, they won’t get it, you know, it’s worse, but when they get help, it can help them change all the patterns in the relationship and help them learn who the other person really is, what their real needs are.” they are, how they want you to show up in the relationship that they had no idea about before, so that it can create more intimacy, a different kind of trust, of course, but more intimacy and more connection.
Speaking about the initial effects of an affair on a partnership, Julie said that trust is eradicated.
Julie stated that looking for “the one” is a bad idea because “there is no perfection” and we are all imperfect human beings.
Experts said the statistics of women having affairs will practically catch up with men by 2024.
She said: ‘What affairs do is turn the hurt couple’s world upside down, everything they believed about their partner is wrong, everything they thought they shared in terms of values is wrong.
“So you know you can’t trust the person who says that because he didn’t stay late at work, he went to so-and-so’s apartment.”
Experts said the statistics of women having affairs will almost catch up with men by 2024.
Julie said: ‘Here’s why, before the ’70s and the women’s liberation movement, women were stuck at home, they weren’t out in the world working, they didn’t have access to others.
“Once they entered the workforce, they had access to a whole field of potential people.”
Julie stated that looking for “the one” is a bad idea because “there is no perfection” and we are all imperfect human beings.
She said: “They inevitably snore at night or eat with their mouth open, which drives you crazy.” Let’s look at ourselves as human beings.
‘We all have flaws, we all have cracks and those can also be seen as beautiful, we don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
“When someone comes into my office and says, ‘I want to find my soulmate,’ it’s like, what is a soulmate? I mean, in America we have 350 million people, there are probably 500,000 of them that you would find. wonderful and attractive.”
