Today’s work life is full of ever-evolving challenges and obstacles. When is it okay to date a coworker? Can you tell your team to return to the office five days a week? Whether you’re a bewildered Boomer, a confused Millennial, or a confused Generation Z, our brilliant new columnist, Nicola Horlick, is here to help. In her biweekly column, she will use his decades of experience in corporate life to guide you through the pitfalls and set you on the path to success in a supportive atmosphere. of a minefield.
Dear Nicola,
There’s a guy in our office who, almost every time he walks past me, just brushes up against me in a way that might seem accidental but I know it’s not. Whether it’s aggression toward me for my role in a recent deal or sexual harassment, I don’t know, but I do know that I want this to end. He also stands near my desk and jingles some keys that he keeps in his pants pocket, which I find very unpleasant.
Just because a colleague is superior to you does not give them the right to make you feel uncomfortable.
Since he is older than me, I cannot challenge this man. I keep pondering if there’s something I can say out loud, in a way that doesn’t make a big deal out of it but still makes him feel a little embarrassed, and then he’ll stop. I’m nervous it would backfire.
What is my next step?
sarah
Nicola Horlick replies: You certainly can and should say something. Just because your colleague is older than you does not give you the right to make him or her uncomfortable. He may not even realize that his behavior is causing you discomfort.
There are two ways to approach the problem. The first would be to casually mention it in the office. The other would be to request a formal meeting with him.
Either way, you should tell him that his behavior makes you anxious and that you want to know what he is going to do about it. My feeling is that as soon as you highlight what he has been doing and make it clear that you will not tolerate it, he will stop doing it.
If you talk to him either informally or formally and the behavior continues, you will have no choice but to go to human resources and explain what is happening. If you have a proper and professional HR function in your company, they will talk to you and ask you to stop doing it. They will then keep in touch with you to see if the behavior persists. If so, they will most likely issue an official warning.
It may be that all of this is too complicated and has affected your view of your employer. After all, senior management should be on the lookout for harassing behavior, especially given all the high-profile scandals involving young women in the workplace in recent years.
Nicola Horlick uses her decades of corporate experience to help Mail on Sunday readers
You might feel that if the company is not adequately protecting its employees from predatory male colleagues, you should take action. It really is a seller’s market right now and there should be plenty of other job opportunities for you. However, I don’t see why you should feel so uncomfortable that you have to take such drastic measures.
You should talk to your colleague and get a sense of whether their actions are simply a careless disregard for those around them or whether they are intentional.
Interestingly, many years ago I had a similar situation at work. A high-ranking colleague kept brushing up against me, and I didn’t know if he simply had poor spatial awareness or did it intentionally. Finally, it all came to a head when I was bending over to put a file in a cabinet and he touched my butt.
A colleague, who was at the same level of seniority as me, challenged him and told him in no uncertain terms that he should not treat his junior colleagues that way. He never did it again.
Asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk
