It’s like choosing to have your wedding during a total solar eclipse. Except in this case, you become completely invisible not by the movement of the heavens but by the overly beautiful woman next to you whom you unwisely named maid of honor.
It’s bad enough walking down the hallway watching all the heads turn just a fraction after you’ve passed them.
But at the altar itself there is a sudden, ominous chill in the air. A bad wind. The birds take flight, as if feeling a tsunami. You’ve just handed your bouquet to this temptress and, feeling completely overwhelmed, are now hoping that the pollen will leave a yellow stain on her pastel dress and that her thorns will make her bleed.
Margot Robbie was maid of honor for her best friend from school, Brittany Claxton, in her native Queensland, Australia.
Clad in an ivory silk halter neck to match her hair, Margot looked so good
What were you thinking when you allowed this Helen of Troy, this exquisite princess, to participate in the most important day of your life?
The boyfriend looks from you to her, his gaze lingering just a fraction too long. He wonders if it’s too late to change his mind… And can you blame him, when the woman he chose is the human embodiment of every man’s fantasy: fucking Barbie!
Over the weekend, Margot Robbie (yes, the one of those incredibly stylish members who not long ago found herself wrapped, pretzel-style, around Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street), a woman who managed to make the pink plaid It looks cool and has those kind of teeth). that she can blind a man at 20 paces – she was a bridesmaid for her best friend from her school.
Again, what was his name? Oops, like the boyfriend (possibly), I’ve forgotten (I can only imagine that when he was asked to say the words ‘I’ll take you…’ he had to fight very hard not to do a Ross from Friends and say the one he was actually In his mind). Oh yeah, Brittany Claxton, that’s it! At one point she was seen wearing dark glasses, probably to prevent her old friend from blinding her.
Never mind Barbie vs Oppenheimer at the box office, I would have gone nuclear!
The truth is that Margot looked very good. Clad in an ivory silk halterneck that matched her hair, she moved like quicksilver. For the next day’s Las Vegas-themed celebrations, she donned one…yep, you guessed it! – Barbie-pink tutu. Did Brittany know beforehand or did her inner moan last all day?
Supermodels Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner were fashion blogger Lauren Perez’s bridesmaids. Lauren did what any sensible woman would do and dressed them in out-of-the-box dresses that cost £207 – the supermodel equivalent of wearing them in Primark.
Now I’m a little worried that she invited her old friend on her honeymoon. Apparently it’s a new trend to invite friends and family. The prospect of seeing Margot in a bikini would make it very tempting to drown her.
So what’s the etiquette here? Should you ever choose a beautiful bridesmaid, even if she, like Margot, is happily married? Should you ever choose someone younger, thinner and much more successful than you? Or can you legitimately leave it out on the grounds that it’s your day and yours alone?
I suppose casting a beauty in this leading role could be like sending a canary into a coal mine: if the boyfriend pays too much attention to her, you can save a huge sum on divorce lawyers later. It is better to find out now if she is easily convinced.
Ultimately, though, I think having your own version of Barbie as a bridesmaid is a gamble on your future happiness. But you have to be clever when it comes to neutralizing its effect. I remember the wedding of fashion blogger Lauren Perez, who had supermodels Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner as bridesmaids. Lauren did what any sensible woman would do and dressed them in out-of-the-box dresses that cost £207 – the supermodel equivalent of wearing them in Primark.
Cara Delevingne, a guest at Princess Eugenie’s nuptials in 2018, completely upstaged the royal bride by appearing in a top hat and tails.
Overly attractive guests can also be a fly in the ganache, so it’s best to clean them up too: one serial offender is Kate Moss, who wore a short gray suit to stylist Katy England’s wedding in 2006, which made that even the vicar lost focus. . Cara Delevingne, a guest at poor Princess Eugenie’s nuptials in 2018, completely upstaged the royal bride by appearing in a top hat and tails.
I only had one bridesmaid when I got married in 2002. Anna is my niece and my double, then a gangly teenager. I dressed in an Alberta Ferretti dress and Gina shoes (she was wearing a boring white tuxedo). She was marrying me to a man 15 years younger than me, so maybe she wanted him to know what I was like.
I also had a bridesmaid, my best friend and former personal assistant Kerry, who rather disloyally spent the eve of the wedding playing pool with my future husband and the day of the wedding going out with him to share love affairs. She could almost see her brain thinking, ‘This is more my type of woman.’ One of the boys.
But here’s the thing: My bridesmaid and I got along so well, making each other laugh so much, wasting a lot of champagne sniffing it up our noses, that she almost came to our honeymoon.
Liz Jones wore a white suit to her wedding in 2002, while her niece Anna was a vision in an Alberta Ferretti dress and Gina shoes.
I felt like I needed someone to talk to instead of the moody lump my husband became. And it turns out that my beautiful bridesmaid was the least of my problems. However, I made a major mistake by hiring a gorgeous Brazilian wedding photographer named Leticia. She looked like Gisele Bundchen and all the men at the wedding, including her boyfriend, were salivating over her. My new husband even left the top table to sit with her during the speeches.
I became so angry that I requisitioned her room at Babington House for my nephew and banished her to a pub on the same street.
But of course, the bridesmaid’s unique charm is not just about her beauty.
The universal problem with bridesmaids, not just those who are Hollywood megastars, is that on the Big Day they are always much more relaxed than the bride, a quality that most men, allergic to pressure and details, , they find infinitely attractive. Bridesmaids always seem to enjoy the day with joyous abandon: no stress, no worries about the cost.
While girlfriends always have an expression (or at least I did) of barely concealed hypervigilant hysteria.
Fortunately, we don’t just have to be careful with bridesmaids. Grooms: be careful with the best man, especially if he is taller, more witty and has a gold tooth.
I wonder if Kate Middleton saw Prince Harry, grinning from ear to ear, and thought for a fleeting second that she could have more fun with him.
As I staggered down the stairs to the altar, aware that I was wearing Bottega heels and had drank a bottle of champagne, my husband’s best man (you can see him in my wedding photo, ding dong!) whispered conspiratorially, grabbing my hand. arm: “If everything goes wrong, you have my number.”
In the immortal words of Bonnie Tyler, the total eclipse of the heart really can work both ways.