The countdown to the wedding was marked by a flurry of activity. Invitations to send, menus to confirm, flowers to deliberate and many other arrangements to make.
However, in the midst of all this, we both believed it was vital, as a couple, to plan for what would happen if our marriage went down a certain path.
Sorry, did you think I meant signing a prenuptial agreement, known colloquially as a “prenup”? Not really.
This was 33 years ago (1991), a time when such contracts were considered little more than a gimmick and society remained generally wary of the idea of a scheme to divide the spoils of a broken marriage before they had even been signed. exchanged votes.
Instead, the topic of discussion was what would happen if we started a family.
Protection: Around 18 million married Britons living in the UK still do not have a prenuptial agreement to help them divide their assets if their relationship breaks down.
After which we agreed to a “traditional arrangement”, whereby I would be the breadwinner and my future wife would do the critical work of taking care of the children.
After all, he was already a senior partner at a major criminal defense law firm, with a demanding career that often involved 70-hour weeks.
Our agreement meant that I could (generously) support the family while we were both assured that the children would enjoy the best care.
However, after 20 years (and two children), the marriage broke up. At that point my career had skyrocketed into the stratosphere.
The media named me the UK’s highest profile lawyer and the media labeled me ‘Mr. Loophole’ thanks to a seemingly unstoppable streak of winning cases, especially on legal technicalities.
I represented celebrities, sports stars, politicians, captains of industry and was even the subject of two television documentaries with Trevor McDonald.
Without a prenuptial agreement or desire for a protracted court battle, we split the pot fairly and by mutual agreement. In my opinion, one thing was clear. I would never marry again without a prenuptial agreement. One costly breakup was one too many.
My opinion was supported by a landmark legal ruling that occurred around the same time in 2010.
It was German heiress Katrin Radmacher, who won a Court of Appeal case to enforce a prenuptial agreement that prevented her ex-husband from accessing her multimillion-dollar fortune.
The case demonstrated that a fair prenuptial agreement could be persuasive in influencing the division of assets.
However, I think the time has come to go a step further and make having a prenuptial agreement a mandatory legal requirement for anyone wishing to get married. Especially since it was recently revealed that around 18 million married Brits in the UK still don’t have one.
It may sound draconian and romantics may well cringe in horror at such harsh tactics, no doubt dismissing me as a tough lawyer with an even tougher heart.
How can the law prevent loving couples from getting married if they don’t agree to sign a legal document that makes it clear who gets what (and when) should the marriage end in divorce?
However, I would argue that drafting a prenup together is actually (and counterintuitively) a romantic gesture.
A survey found that one in seven British couples over 40 admit they never talk about their finances with each other.
I would go so far as to describe it as a beautiful document because if the marriage works, there is no need to mention it again and if not, you both save yourself stress and financial uncertainty.
Drafting a document before a flake of confetti is scattered is not only fair in terms of protecting the money and assets that you both bring to the union. It’s also a healthy reminder that divorce can be a lonely experience.
The mere existence of such a document can even help disabuse the desire to break up.
Likewise, having such a difficult conversation about finances before walking down the aisle would encourage couples to openly communicate their expectations. A survey found that one in seven British couples over 40 admit they never talk about their finances with each other.
And while it’s not my area of law, it’s also worth noting that attorneys charge much less for prenuptial agreements than they would in a divorce case where everyone is trying to get a bite. Which happens frequently, given that an estimated 42 percent of marriages in the country end in divorce.
Above all, why should wealth obtained through harsh bribery be given to someone who has played no role in ensuring the success of one of the partners?
I’m sick of the idea that a spouse should be entitled to a windfall because it was once a part of their life, like a warped subscription service.
What’s more, a prenuptial agreement eliminates potentially predatory partners. Believe me, I have met many women who considered my beautiful home in Cheshire and my second home in France, acquired through long hours of graft, as an attractive proposition.
A prenuptial agreement would have confirmed whether these women were interested in me or my money.
I must emphasize that these are not always large sums of cash. But the principle endures.
A prenuptial agreement will ensure that assets and money accumulated during the marriage are protected, regardless of how much or little you contribute, while limiting emotional strain (especially when children are involved). Without one, divorce can be ugly.
These days I live with my partner, Melissa. We are deeply committed to each other and I recently adopted her, now our amazing 13 year old son, Pierce. Marriage is a topic of conversation and there is one thing we both agree on: a prenuptial agreement is non-negotiable.
If only there was a law to ensure that couples planning to say “I do” were required to say “I do.”
MELISSA: I agree with Nick that prenups are essential for anyone getting married. I know what it’s like to work hard to make money and then give it away, which is what happened with my first childless marriage many years ago.
Both partners must protect what they have gained or sacrificed to achieve it.
Nick and I had contracts drawn up when I moved into his house with Pierce and by the time Nick adopted Pierce.
Although romance is a key part of a relationship, marriage is also a business arrangement when it comes to money; there is no need to confuse the two. Discussing a prenuptial agreement before you get married can be a difficult conversation, but it’s a sure-fire way to ensure that everyone knows where they stand.
What could be fairer?
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