Career counseling talks at school were always difficult for me. —So, what profession do you hope to follow, Bea? They would ask me.
And while my friends trotted out the usual answers: law, accounting, medicine, and the arts, I felt like I couldn’t be completely honest about what I wanted to be “when I grow up.”
The reason for my reluctance was that all I ever wanted to be was a full-time wife, mother, and homemaker. It’s the only role I feel a natural inclination toward and truly believe my body was designed for.
Today I am 30 years old and my ambition has come true. I’m articulate and educated, I have a degree in hospitality and a strong work ethic, but since I met my husband five years ago, I haven’t worked a single day.
I was lucky enough to meet a man who shares my spirit and is proud to live by my “traditional housewife” values. Mark, 33, who works as a health and safety consultant, is the only one making money and is very happy with the arrangement.
Traditional roles: Bea and Mark Hammond with their 15-month-old daughter Mia
We have a 15-month-old daughter, Mia, and in three weeks I will give birth again. I don’t plan to stop there: I’ve always dreamed of four children, ideally with a toddler in the mix.
My family home is a converted barn in the New Forest, where I cook, clean, bake bread, grow our own vegetables and look after seven chickens. Prepared and takeaway dishes are not on the menu.
I am happiest when I create a home for our family, providing a clean and cheerful space where we can all be together. Our house runs like a finely oiled machine and my life is so much better for it.
I know that not everyone’s financial circumstances allow them to live on one income, but both Mark and I believe that it should be socially acceptable and admirable for women to follow this path if they are able and willing to do so.
No one has ever criticized my lifestyle, at least not to my face! Also, my theory is that a lot of women would like to be home with their kids if they could, so I’m not jealous of women with careers. In any case, I feel sorry for them.
Happier at home: Bea is about to give birth and dreams of having four children
It’s been interesting and disturbing to me, then, to see how the ‘traditional housewife’ trend is getting so much attention lately, and not all of it in a positive way.
Former American ballerina Hannah Neeleman, married and mother of eight, best known for her ‘Ballerina Farm’ Instagram account which posts about her traditional life on a farm in Utah to her ten million followers, recently attracted a wave of negative attention after being interviewed.
Hannah gave up her dancing career to care for her family and follows traditional gender roles in her marriage.
However, such is the level of contempt and skepticism she attracts that many have openly questioned whether she is mentally unstable or being coercively controlled.
This, to me, is very unfair. Is Hannah (or, for that matter, am I) really doing something so radical and divisive? Isn’t this, after all, what most women did until the middle of the last century?
Working mothers are a relatively new experiment in human history and, in my opinion, have some obvious drawbacks, not the least of which is the impact it has on family stress levels.
I hear stories of young children being sent to daycare from early morning until late at night, and their poor mothers are too tired to read them a bedtime story when they come home from work.
If our husbands can support us so that their children can benefit from this loving attention, why shouldn’t they?
I see sunken-eyed parents wandering around the supermarket on a Saturday, after a week of takeout in front of the TV.
It’s something my own mother, who worked full-time as a teacher while raising me and my two brothers, had to endure to some extent. Mark’s mother too: she commuted from Hampshire to London, where she ran an IT business.
Looking back, I remember how stressed and tired Mom was and how little time my parents had for each other. Since then, both my mother and mother-in-law have admitted that they would have loved to stay home to raise their family if they could.
It cemented the idea that having it all simply wasn’t possible. There is no better person to take care of a child than her own mother. If our husbands can support us so that their children can benefit from this loving attention, why shouldn’t they?
All that said, I am well aware that some mothers prefer to pursue a career while they are mothers, and some women simply do not want to have children. That’s your choice. And this is mine.
I think housework is more difficult and exhausting than any office job, but more rewarding.
Supporting the three of us on one salary means thinking carefully: I have to be prudent and budget sensibly.
However, before I found Mark to start a family with, the obvious path for me was to do something that helped people, to scratch that motherly itch. So after gaining four A-Levels, I studied hospitality at university.
After graduating, I ended up working with adolescents with traumatic experiences and challenging behaviors. It was great training for motherhood, especially for those difficult teenage years to come!
I met Mark when I was 25 while practicing judo, something we both loved. When we fell in love, Mark was the one who noticed the mental toll my job was taking on me and suggested we take on traditional gender roles in our partnership; in other words, that I was a ‘traditional wife’.
She was not an oppressed woman forced to stay at home; If anything, I was relieved that we shared the same values.
We got married in 2022 and shortly after found out we were expecting Mia. Not working meant I was able to relax during pregnancy and prepare my body (and our home) for the big change ahead.
Some people ask: ‘But what do you do all day?’ A question that never fails to irritate.
Since Mia was born, I have never been busier. My day starts early, during toddler time, and we spend the mornings in playgroups or taking walks in the woods.
Then I prepare lunch for all of us; Mark works from home, so we eat together. While Mia takes a nap, I do laundry and clean. I involve her in household chores when she wakes up: she helps me take the clothes out of the dryer, organizes her toys, and plays with the duster.
If we had a son, he would also be taught household chores. It is important that everyone possesses the skills to be independent (if necessary) and also contribute to the running of their future homes.
That being said, we have different “male jobs” in our home. I appreciate that it sounds pretty black and white, but my husband has his responsibilities within our home: DIY, gardening and heavy lifting are his domain.
When Mark finishes work, he spends time with Mia and that’s when I can go to the gym or whatever else I need to do. When she sleeps at night, we have time for each other.
If Mia wants her own career, I’ll be happy for her. It will be her choice. But she can’t escape the fact that cooking, making the bed, and gardening are life skills every child should have.
I don’t feel any less empowered at home than if I were earning my own money. Mark and I make all the decisions together. I manage our finances, appointments, household management and organization. We rarely have arguments, but when we do, they don’t last long. I tend to go with the flow.
I am happy that both my husband and daughter are happy. What more could you want?
- As told to Samantha Brick