A former Mormon couple has opened up about how they maintained their marriage after the husband came out as a transgender woman, despite admitting that they lost several friends within the strict religion as a result.
Amanda and Shaye Scott, from Utah, grew up in Mormon families and began their romance when they were just 15 years old. However, while their dedication to each other has strengthened since Shaye, 39, came out as trans, they admit her decision prompted them to abandon the ultra-strict religion, revealing how it triggered a “deconstruction of faith.”
Although happily married and a mother of three, Shaye, 39, said she knew she was transgender since she was three years old.
However, she had never been able to adequately articulate how she really felt, until she came across the phrase “gender dysphoria” online in 2019.
Shaye Scott, 39, started hormone replacement therapy in 2023. The 39-year-old says she has known she is transgender since she was three years old.
Amanda and Shaye (pictured on their wedding day) have been together since they were 15 and continue to love each other.
Instantly, he knew that this described exactly how he felt, despite his doubts about how it would affect his three children and his wife.
However, knowing that he could not hide his true self, he decided to be honest with his wife and was very happy when Amanda expressed her full support, and the couple decided to continue their marriage in a new way.
Shaye adopted she and her pronouns and began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to help alleviate her gender dysphoria.
“After coming out in 2019, I started out doing nothing and eventually decided to do hormone replacement therapy, but I had no intention of socially transitioning,” Shaye recalled.
“But during therapy and talking with Amanda we decided to schedule an appointment with a surgeon for a year later.”
In 2023, Shaye decided to socially transition and undergo facial feminization surgery.
Amanda, who works as an English teacher, added that she finds Shaye presenting as a woman “beautiful,” and noted that she has become more “fluent” in her attractions since her partner came out.
Shaye adopted she and her pronouns and began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to help alleviate her gender dysphoria.
After Shaye opened up to her, Amanda decided to stay with her long-time partner and says she’s become more “fluid” in what she’s attracted to.
Shaye decided it was time to tell Amanda how she felt and was thrilled when Amanda supported her in her news: embarking on her new relationship.
“It’s been a journey of discovery for both of us,” he admitted.
“The narrative about a spouse coming out like that is that people think it’s deceptive, but a lot of times people just don’t have the language to express themselves,” she said.
Shaye agreed and said they have become closer as a couple, despite it being such a “raw and difficult” situation, but says it was never a question of whether they would stay together.
“We’ve known each other since we were kids and she’s my person,” Shaye said fondly.
“I wouldn’t want to do anything that could hurt her and vice versa,” he continued. “One of the most important things for me throughout all of this was the emphasis placed on attraction: Would Amanda still be attracted to me?”
However, while the couple’s relationship has gone from strength to strength, they admit that Shaye’s departure prompted them to rethink their connection to the Mormon Church, and the couple ultimately decided to leave the religion.
“Assuming the fact of being transgender began a deconstruction of faith for us,” they explained.
The couple eventually decided to tell their children about Shaye’s transition, and Amanda says her oldest son started using Shaye’s pronouns without being asked.
“Our daughter started using she/her pronouns without asking,” Amanda said proudly. ‘Our two youngest children have been amazing with this. And they talk about it comfortably because they feel very comfortable with Shaye.”
The couple eventually decided to tell their children about Shaye’s transition, and Amanda says her oldest son began using Shaye’s pronouns without being asked (Shaye Scott pictured before undergoing facial feminization surgery in April 2023).
Shaye and Amanda said they have become closer as a couple, despite it being such a “raw and difficult” situation, but she says it was never a question of whether they would stay together.
“The kids have been amazing.” Amanda gushed. “They love people for people and we’ve tried to be very sensitive to their feelings.”
The couple says they believe they have been “so strong” because they felt confident their family unit would be okay.
‘All [the kids] “It was a more authentic person on my part, they haven’t lost anything,” Shaye shared, adding that her therapist said her kids will be fine as long as they tell them what’s going on.
However, their Mormon background means they have lost friends along the way, but they say their families have mostly been supportive.
“The principles of these religions are about doing good for others, but for political reasons that doesn’t always extend to everyone,” Amanda reflected sadly.
‘There are also many religious people who choose people in the first place.
“That is the crux of what is sometimes unfortunate about religion.
‘Goodness is put in a box and has a certain appearance.
“Change is hard for people and it’s been a process, but I think we’re in a pretty good place with our families right now,” Amanda shared.
“It was a challenge for them at first, but as time went on they became more loving and accepting,” Shayne added.
Amanda also acknowledged that not everyone could stay together like she and Shaye did, but she loves her regardless of her gender.
“It doesn’t work that way for everyone and that’s totally acceptable, but for me, Shaye is my person and every marriage has challenges, but when you have that love and commitment to each other, then it works,” Amanda said simply.