Dear Jane,
My father has been single for about six years, since my mother passed away. cancer, but in the last few months, he’s been going out to dinner with a few different women, which has been… kind of surprising, tbh. I always thought my mother was the only woman for him and I guess I assumed he would be single for the rest of his life.
So when he first told me that he had a dinner date planned with “a lady,” I was surprised, but I tried to be supportive and my own husband reminded me that it would be unfair of me to expect him to be alone for the rest of his life. life, especially considering that he is only 68 years old.
But less than a week after that first date, he told me he was going out to dinner again, and when I asked him if it was a second encounter with the same woman, he said it was actually someone different. Within a month, she had dated (by my calculations) four different women. Basically a different one every week.
The whole situation set off some alarm bells for me, but I did my best to stay quiet and continue to support him. Even if he gave me a strange feeling.
Dear Jane, My father revealed horrible information about his sex life and it has completely changed the way I see him.
But after a few more dates with a few more women, I decided to ask him what was going on.
It turns out that he has been using a professional escort service to hire these women!
He could clearly tell how horrified he was by this information because he immediately started making excuses, telling me that he was really nervous about getting back into the dating world after so many years and thought this would be an easy way to get some practice. .
He insists that nothing physical has happened with any of these women, but I just don’t know what to think.
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He says all he really wants from these transactions is the company of a woman and finds it “comforting” that there are no strings attached and that he doesn’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing.
I understand his apprehension about jumping back into dating and romance, but the idea that he’s paying women to spend time with him in any kind of romantic capacity is just horrible to me.
Maybe I’m being dramatic (my husband thinks I am, but that’s another can of worms I won’t open right now), but this has made me look at my dad in a whole new and unflattering light.
Any ideas on how I can overcome this?
Of,
1-800-Horrified
Dear 1-800-Aghast,
I understand why you are so disturbed to discover this information about your father, but, and this is a big but, I think you should stay out of his business.
Who your dad decides to date, whether or not he pays for it, and how he chooses to spend his time is really up to him. While it may be incredibly awkward for you, I imagine it would also be awkward to find out that he was having wild sex with someone he met on a dating app.
He’s an adult, just like you. He doesn’t owe you an explanation and you have no right to ask him for one. As for his behavior being horrible, I find his clarity around his choices to be completely reasonable.
I doubt this will change your mind, and I urge you to take care of your own life, letting your father find his happiness as he chooses.
Dear Jane,
I’m 25 years old and recently started a new office job. The manager of my department is an older man in his 50s and he is a pretty strict and no-nonsense type of boss.
A little while after I started there I started to get the feeling that he treated me better and more favorably every time I ‘dressed up’ a little more than usual, so I decided to test that theory… just to see if my instincts were right. correct.
Sometimes I started wearing much shorter, tighter skirts, a nicer blouse here and there, and even opened an extra button or two before going to her office whenever we had to talk. Generally just being sexier and flirtatious. And it worked!
Over the past few months I’ve started to make it a habit and it’s gotten to the point where he treats me much better and honestly gives me pretty preferential treatment over other coworkers.
However, at this point, he has started to give some pretty strong hints about wanting more and being much more direct with me. I’m not really that interested in something like that, but I have no idea how to turn it down without losing all the favors and little bonuses I have.
I would appreciate any advice.
Of,
Corporate chaos
Dear Corporate Chaos,
What a mess you’ve gotten yourself into. Instead of blaming you, I will say that at twenty-five you are not old enough to understand the unintended consequences of using the bloom and youth of your sexuality on a man your father’s age.
Using your sexuality, flirting to get what you think you want, will almost always get you into trouble, as you are now discovering. And the problem with flirting in a work environment is that you can’t just leave it without repercussions.
There is no simple solution. I suggest that she sit down with him and let him know firmly and clearly that she realizes that she may have unintentionally misled him, that she realizes it was inappropriate, and that she hopes he doesn’t get the wrong impression.
Expect the little favors and bonuses to stop, and know that they should never have been there in the first place.