Our brilliant advice columnist Bel Mooney has responded to thousands of reader letters over the years. But what if the rich and famous turned to her for unrivalled advice on their own problems?
Each week we invite Bel to look behind the headlines and reflect on an imaginary celebrity dilemma that we have invented for her (with irony). In turn, Bel will take the letter at face value, just as she does with everyone who writes in her famous column.
She will give an honest answer, so celebrities and politicians, listen up! This week, we imagine what Alice Evans might write in a letter to Bel.
Alice Evans and Ioan Gruffudd, before their marriage fell apart three years ago
Dear Bel,
It’s been a torturous three years since my “happy” marriage fell apart. My husband, who I had been married to for 14 years and who I believed was my soulmate and with whom I have two daughters, told me he “didn’t love me anymore” and left home. Shortly after, he started posting happy photos of himself with a new, much younger woman, to whom he is now engaged.
I admit, I didn’t behave brilliantly, such was my pain. I embarked on some reckless social media, posting nasty things about him and his future wife, to the point that he filed for a restraining order against me. I learned my lesson.
Now our messy divorce is finalized, but I am left with no money: I can barely feed my children, I risk not being able to pay rent and utilities, and I have had to go to court to ask for more money. My husband earns much more than I do, as I had taken on the role of primary caregiver.
How can I get through this, calm my pain and anger… and give my daughters the happy future they so deserve?
ALICIA
Bel Mooney responds: As you can imagine, over the 19 years I’ve been writing an advice column, I’ve had to read many letters from jilted wives, devastated because the man they loved (and often still love) has left them for a new love.
Sometimes the pain, bewilderment and despair in your letters made me cry.
Like you, Alice, they wonder what they did to deserve such treatment. The answer is: nothing. No marriage is perfect, but when a man falls passionately in love with a new (often younger) woman, he can suddenly seem like a cruel stranger.
And the pain of knowing that he’s happily in love, and that mutual friends are on her side, and that the innocent children they share are utterly heartbroken… Yes, it can drive a woman crazy.
Gruffudd with his fiancée Bianca Wallace, who is wearing “an expensive engagement ring”
I wish I could have talked to you at the beginning. Public abuse is disastrous, not for the husband, but for the children.
It is easy to understand your ‘hurt and anger’, but at the same time suggest that you were wrong to display such a humiliating lack of self-control.
But you know that. That’s why you’ve made a formal statement in a court document, expressing regret for your actions and citing “emotional distress” as the reason.
Who wouldn’t feel deep sorrow for you?
I don’t find it hard to believe that a separated husband would have less time for his children. I assume that the man is probably too busy shopping and having a great time with his beautiful fiancée to pay much attention to young girls who need a father.
If that’s the case, I completely despise that behavior. You have no idea how common it is.
What now? The lawyers have made a fortune and this isn’t over. Your ex’s “friends” are being as unhelpful as ever saying things like, “Those girls are what Ioan cares about the most and it’s devastating for him to see this happening.”
Honestly, if that was the case, would she have left home and gone to live with a new love?
I wonder if any of these “friends” have told him some truths.
What’s next? I can only hope and pray that you receive the financial support you need and deserve.
It is obviously too late to protect your daughters from the consequences of this disastrous separation, but at this stage you have to try.
There is talk of girls going to therapy, but the best therapy possible is to have serious, loving conversations with a mother who will stop abusing her father.
They need to know that even though they have their own opinions, you won’t participate when they criticize their father.
They need to know that you are no longer going to let being a victim define your life. They need to know that you still have pride.
There would be more dignity in you quietly getting a job as a personal assistant (or some other acceptable employment) than in continuing to complain, rage, moan and blame others, as you have done for three long years.
What else can I say? It’s the only way to stabilize their lives.
(tags to translate)dailymail
