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Intrigued by what happens behind the kitchen curtain on your vacation flight? Want to know why some passengers receive five-star service (“another gin for later, sir?”) and others get an “accidental” bump on the elbow with every drinks cart that passes by?
So welcome to the secret world of flight attendants, and you should know because you used to be a member of BA cabin crew.
Here are the secret codes, pet hates and top benefits, plus what to do to get better service and free fizz.
We are watching you
Just remember that you are being watched from the moment you step on board. “We check you in and check you in,” says my former BA flight attendant colleague Jennie Jordan, who now works for Virgin Atlantic. Kitchen gossip focuses on the most handsome or charming, and the crew is keen to choose their ‘Bob’ (‘Best on Board’).
Earn Bob status and receive a pleasant surprise. “If I say, ‘You forgot this in the kitchen, sir,’ I’m probably giving my Bob a duty-free bag full of free soda from the front,” Jennie says.
Best advice for being Bob? It’s about behavior, not just appearance. “If we need someone to move so a complicated family can sit together, we will go the extra mile to help anyone,” says BA team member Neil Jackson.
Stewardesses have to juggle the wishes of many passengers at once… and always remember which are the ‘Bobs’ (best on board)
Do you want an update?
‘Can you pick up your bag and follow me?’ These are the words you should hear before you step through the curtain into a better cabin. But onboard updates are rare, even if you’re famous. Even VIPs are now overlooked in favor of big-spending CIPs (Commercially Important Persons). Often, computers at major travel agencies select CIPs for better seats before boarding begins.
Once on board, few things change. “Say it’s your birthday, your honeymoon or you’ve got a bad leg and we can only offer you an extra drink,” says Neil. Nowadays, even a broken television screen can only provide you with vouchers for future flights.
Being polite can only get you so far when you’re pushing for an upgrade, since big spenders often fill available seats.
bad passengers
Behave badly and the crew can take revenge. Everyone is likely to trip and hit the back of a seat as they pass, especially effective on night flights when the passenger is trying to sleep. The crew may hand a person a can of drink shaken in the galley and ready to explode. Or their hands may be shaking in key positions. “I’m trained to work in turbulence, so if I spill something it’s on purpose,” Jennie says.
Working for hours on end in the sky can be stressful enough without noisy crowds or rude passengers.
flying coffins
Haven’t seen your favorite crew member in a while? They’re probably sleeping in a coffin.
This is because long-haul planes have crew rest areas hidden behind “secret” doors that most passengers overlook. Climb the ladder behind the door (often next to a bathroom in economy) to find rows of bunk beds on the cabin roof.
After the first meal, half of the crew takes a first rest and then exchanges with the others. But don’t be jealous because the bunks look like coffins and the claustrophobic crew hates them.’
On long-haul flights, attendants often disappear for a few hours to catch up on much-needed sleep.
Party time
Conventional wisdom says that cabin crew have a lot of fun, and stopover hotels tend to be of a good standard, usually with pools and bars.
But Neil says the reality is less spicy. “We’re constantly jet lagged, so while the young crew members say, ‘What happens in stopover hotels stays in stopover hotels,’ most of us just want to sleep.”
It is also a mistake to assume that two crew members who call each other “babe” throughout the flight are a couple.
“Crews usually meet for the first time at the pre-flight briefing and never fly together again,” says Neil.
“I call everyone ‘baby’ because I never remember their names.”