We’re all aware of the obvious signs: an item of clothing that doesn’t belong to you, coming home late without an excuse, or a dating app on your phone.
But without this type of strong evidence, It can be difficult to know if you are right when you have a hunch about a partner who is cheating on you.
Now, a psychotherapist has shared four easy-to-miss signs that a spouse may be having an affair.
According to Bhavna Raithatha, who is based in Cornwall and accredited by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, lesser-known warning signs are more than just subtle behavioral changes.
According to Bhavna Raithatha, based in Cornwall and accredited by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, lesser-known warning signs are more than just subtle changes in behaviour.
They don’t bother you, quite the opposite.
It is often believed that a cheater would lose all interest in having sex, since he is having sex elsewhere. But this is not always the case, says Raithatha.
She told MailOnline: ‘Intimacy is physical and emotional. What you have been sharing with your partner is very sacred. It really brings us together.
‘When you have an affair, you have an increased libido, that’s why you become like a Duracell bunny.
‘And couples, who may feel temporarily guilty about this, redirect this increased sexual desire towards their current partner.
‘But it may simply be a physical release to release tension, not an emotional one.
‘Many of my clients have realized that their partner is having an affair when they make love.
“Suddenly your partner is just going through the motions – there’s no eye contact, for example – and this is heartbreaking.”
However, a once “really good intimate life” suddenly becoming “dead in the water” could also be a telltale sign.
“Men, especially, can experience a form of erectile dysfunction, because the excitement just isn’t there, so they won’t be able to get it up.
“SuddenlyThey start making excuses not to have sex, and the reason is because they want to be loyal to their new person.’
You may have thought that an unfaithful partner loses their sexual appetite for you, but the opposite is true, experts say.
They’re glued to their phone… even more than usual
Raithatha admits it can be difficult to say what constitutes “excessive” phone use given the online world we live in.
“But unfortunately, if they’re putting in so much extra time to the point where they’re not paying any attention to their partner, that should start raising alarm bells.”
“Couples who have been cheated on have often said later that they felt that ‘there is clearly something or someone much more important than me.'”
‘The biggest telltale sign is suddenly hiding your phone or pinning it.
‘For example, last week they left it lying on the table sounding happy, but now it’s welded to their back pocket.
‘Or if they heard things or called people over the loudspeaker but now they are silent voices.
‘What they are doing is closing their lives, layer by layer, from their current partner.
“Adventures don’t happen suddenly, it’s a multi-step process.”
“Couples who have been cheated on have often said later that they felt ‘there is clearly something or someone much more important than me,'” said psychotherapist Bhavna Raithatha.
Suddenly he becomes very agile
Raithatha said unfaithful partners often exhibit angry and short-tempered behavior as a result of feeling “distant and detached.”
“I’ve also had a couple of clients who then challenged their partners about this and became almost physically aggressive,” he said.
“When they start slamming doors or hitting drywall with their fists and become threatening, it’s to scare you into keeping quiet.
‘They don’t want you to go and tell your family, for example, or your friends.
‘If your partner is becoming defiant, it’s self-protection, because they don’t want to be found out. It’s his secret. “They know there will be repercussions.”
gas lighting
It’s a term that is familiar to most women: gaslighting.
Raithatha said affairs often provoke this type of insidious behavior in the cheater.
They are simply projecting their guilt onto you, he explained.
‘They are the ones who are wrong for having the affair, but they are blaming you. They are putting you under the microscope.
“They may say things like, ‘Oh, you smell good, you dress nice, you’re eating better, why? Who is that for?’
‘And this is devastating. You may feel like you’re losing your mind over it.
‘They are projecting their insecurities onto you.
‘They also do it in public, for example in a pub or a restaurant, in front of your friends.
‘They want to sow the seed of doubt in front of everyone. They are gathering a crowd, feeding them lies.
‘People who are witnesses start to have that seed of doubt, even if they know you.
“Then you don’t know what they say about you behind your back and what they then tell their friends.”