Like a growing number of Americans, Marty and Melinda Rangers’ busy careers made it difficult for them to start a family.
But after making a small fortune in the real estate business and retiring early, the couple moved to the Caribbean where they finally felt ready to bring a new life into the world.
However, being in your early 40s and finding your new local medical services ‘disrespectful’, They decided to give up IVF and opt for surrogacy.
Marty and Melinda invested “hundreds of hours of research” into the process.
But the dramatic moment she was caught drinking alcohol turned her dreams of parenthood into a nightmare.
Marty Ranger* and his wife Melinda had their children through surrogate, but discovered the world of surrogacy is a “minefield”
The couple decided on a newer but reputable surrogacy agency in California, who He introduced them to a young woman who “seemed trustworthy on paper and good at talking on the phone.”
From there, both parties underwent a psychological examination and the surrogate mother underwent a medical check-up. An IVF clinic then transferred the couple’s embryo to the surrogate mother.
Marty said the surrogacy fees amounted to about $100,000, of which “$30,000 went to the agency, $65,000 to the surrogate and another $5,000 in legal fees.”
As part of the process, Marty and his wife had to sign a contract with their surrogate mother “that was about 40 pages long with agreements that covered things you would never have thought of.”
Detailing some of the points of the contract, Marty revealed: ‘Drugs and alcohol are strictly prohibited during pregnancy, as is leaving the country. Domestic air travel is only possible with a doctor’s letter.
“The surrogate mother also cannot leave the state in the last trimester and cannot have a new sexual partner without prior approval.”
Traveling abroad increases the risk of diseases or infections such as Zika and malaria.
Also, having a new sexual partner could increase the risk of contracting an STD that could harm the baby.
While Marty and Melinda were initially happy with their choice, four months into their pregnancy they discovered their surrogate drinking alcohol.
The couple spoke on the phone every two weeks with their surrogate mother and, for added peace of mind, Melinda liked to check their activities on social media.
About three and a half weeks into her pregnancy, Melinda checked the woman’s Instagram and saw that she had been tagged in a video drinking what appeared to be a shot of tequila.
Detailing the chain of events, Marty said: “Everything was going well with our surrogate pregnancy until Melinda saw that Instagram.
“It was a complete shock to us and when we confronted her, she said what she was drinking was water, but there was something about her reaction that left me unconvinced.
‘After much deliberation, we decided it would be best to abort our baby at 20 weeks.
“It was a very difficult decision, but trust had been broken and we weren’t sure what else this woman was capable of doing.”
While Marty and Melinda were happy with their choice at first, four months into their pregnancy, their worst nightmare came into play when they caught their surrogate drinking.
Marty and Melinda asked their surrogate to terminate the pregnancy for breach of contract and she agreed. They “cut ties and moved on.”
“Thankfully, our surrogate was communicative and respected our wishes and we left it at that,” Marty explained.
“It gets very complicated with the contract and stuff, so we handled the matter outside of the agency and made sure the surrogate was well compensated.”
After further research, he and Melinda turned to a more established surrogacy agency in California, which they discovered had a stricter vetting service, such as only employing surrogates who had previously given birth to children.
It is estimated that about 750 babies are born each year in the U.S. through gestational surrogacy, when the couple’s embryos are inserted into the surrogate mother.
This is the method Marty and Melinda used.
The other method of surrogacy, traditional surrogacy, uses an egg from the surrogate mother, which is then artificially inseminated with sperm from the intended father or a donor.
Frank Bewkes, a professor at George Washington University Law School, notes that the problem with traditional surrogacy is that, “in most states, the traditional surrogate is presumed to be the mother of the child she is carrying.” womb, either because she gave birth to the child or due to the confluence of gestation and genetics.
“Therefore, the agreement is treated as a post-natal adoption, leaving the surrogate free to change her mind after the birth.”
After switching to another surrogacy agency in California, Marty said it “made a big difference” and, although the fees were almost double, “it was worth it.”
The only drawback during the pregnancy was that her surrogate mother refused to receive the Covid vaccine.
She ended up giving birth to her baby early via C-section, after contracting the virus when she was six months pregnant.
Despite the premature birth, Marty and Melinda’s daughter was in good health and “surrogacy as a whole was a positive experience.”
When they decided to try for a second child two years later, they decided to go to a different agency, after receiving more feedback from friends who had gone through surrogacy.
Marty explained, “For our second child, we focused more intensely on judging the surrogate and got them to commit more explicitly to following medical advice about pregnancy, whether it be vaccines, bed rest, diet, or whatever.”
“Our second child’s journey went smoothly and couldn’t have been a more perfect process.”
Marty even goes so far as to describe her second experience with surrogacy as “like something out of a Disney movie.”
In total, Marty and his wife paid around $300,000 to have their daughter and son through surrogate mothers.
The couple became increasingly close to the surrogate and her family as the pregnancy progressed, and a month before the birth, Marty said they had a “great time hanging out and waiting for the baby.”
He continues: “At the time of birth, we were all there to support the surrogate mother, and when the baby arrived, we were all very happy and my wife held the baby first, and then once all the medical checks were done and everything was resolved, after about 20 minutes we brought the baby in for the surrogate to hold as well.
‘She was very happy for us and happy to meet the baby, but she also had the attachment of having raised the baby for nine months.
“Over the next day, while everyone was settling in and being checked at the hospital, she brought her family and children to meet the baby and we all took photos together and it was a lovely, positive celebration.”
Marty and his wife now have a strong relationship with his surrogate mother and her family and send photos and videos of their son every week.
The father-of-two concludes: ‘Surrogacy is certainly not for everyone.
“Despite the drama we had with some of our initial trips, our last surrogacy trip was magical.”
In total, Marty and his wife paid more than $300,000 to have their daughter and son through surrogate mothers.
She says some of the other “hidden costs” involved include benefits such as paid time off for the surrogate after childbirth, counseling, maternity clothing and cleaning services during pregnancies.
The couple also paid for their surrogate mothers’ “organic groceries” to ensure they maintained a healthy diet.
Offering advice to other couples considering having babies through surrogates, Marty says the most important thing is to “do a lot of research and think about things that might come up in the future.”