Dear Vanessa,
I hope you can help with a difficult situation. My elderly father owns a house but does not have a will. He refuses to talk about what will happen after he is gone, saying that then we can “deal with it” and that it is rude to talk about death now.
The problem is that I have two brothers and we don’t get along. I’m worried that if Dad dies without a will, things will get ugly. From what I know, if he dies without a will, the house and his belongings may not be divided the way he would like. Worse still, it could mean a long and expensive legal mess for us, with many arguments along the way.
How can I make him see that fixing this now will save us a lot of pain later? Any advice on how to make this go more smoothly would be helpful.
Thank you,
Ross
Send your questions to leading monetary educator Vanessa Stoykov at bloomafter50@dailymail.com.au
Noted monetary educator Vanessa Stoykov (above) suggests that Ross should talk to his father from the angle of respect. “He has worked hard for what he has and a will ensures that his legacy is handled as he would like”
Hello Ross,
Thank you for reaching out with this important question. I can understand why this situation is weighing on you: it’s hard when a parent doesn’t want to talk about these things, but having the conversation now can really save you a lot of heartache and heartache down the road.
First, it’s crucial that your dad understands that without a will, things won’t magically fall into place. In fact, the law will decide how your assets are divided, which may not reflect your wishes at all. Additionally, any disagreement between you and your siblings could mean costly legal battles and tension for everyone involved.
I suggest you broach the topic with your dad gently, framing it to honor his wishes and make things easier for the entire family. It could be mentioned that by having a will, he decides what happens to his house and belongings, instead of leaving it to chance. Maybe let’s talk about it from the angle of respect: he has worked hard for what he has and a will ensures that his legacy is handled the way he would like.
If they’re still reluctant, perhaps ask if they’d be willing to sit down with a neutral third party, such as a financial advisor or estate planner. Sometimes hearing from a professional about the risks and benefits can make a big difference. And, if possible, bring a trusted friend or family member who has been through this process; They will be able to explain the peace of mind that comes with planning ahead.
This is what my friend Harry Moustakas, financial advisor and director of Browse the financial grouphas to say:
‘If your father dies without a will, it is known as “intestate”, and you and your siblings are entitled to the entire estate in equal shares.
‘Since there is no will, this will be a longer and more difficult process and there may be other complications. For example, if one of your siblings predeceases their father, leaving children of their own, others may come out of the woodwork and make a claim on the estate. While a will potentially won’t solve everything and people can still contest it, having one will go a long way to ensuring your father’s wishes are carried out.
Harry Moustakas, a financial advisor and principal at Navigate Financial Group, says Ross’ father should also consider what happens to his home and belongings if he develops dementia or receives medical care.
‘I would first try to gain a deeper understanding of what your father thinks and feels. Importantly, the other thing to consider and discuss with him is what happens if he develops dementia or needs to receive medical care. You need to consider not only having a will, but also an estate plan that incorporates a durable power of attorney, a durable guardian, and health directive documents.
‘Perhaps this is a better approach to start a conversation with him, rather than discussing his death, talking about his continuing care and who will legally be able to make decisions. As part of this conversation, I would recommend that you be encouraged to speak with a financial advisor or estate planner to formulate a plan for your future. An independent professional can make all the difference in helping you put together a plan and get your estate planning in order.’
I wish you the best with this, Ross. Remember, you are doing the right thing by encouraging your dad to plan.
Take care,
Vanessa.