A child psychology expert has revealed the traumatic choice faced by the distraught mother of a 12-year-old girl who killed herself after being bullied at school.
Charlotte O’Brien, a year seven student at Santa Sabina College in Strathfield in Sydney’s central west, took her own life earlier this month after two years of misery in which she said classmates used confidential information to relentlessly harass her.
Emails between Charlotte’s mother, Kerry O’Brien, and the school reveal that Ms O’Brien believed the bullying was having “severe ramifications” on her daughter’s mental health.
She was faced with a heartbreaking decision about whether to uproot her daughter and pull her out of school mid-year or try to work with school staff to resolve the problem.
Senior Brisbane-based child psychiatrist Dr Jillian Spencer said the dilemma of leaving a school, even a toxic one, mid-year was “An extremely difficult situation for parents.
“The hope is that the social environment of the new school will be easier, but there is no guarantee,” Dr. Spencer said.
‘I have seen some children adapt very well to a change of school and I have seen others who have not been able to cope with the pressure of being ‘the new kid’, especially if their self-confidence has been affected by recent negative experiences.
‘Some parents worry that changing schools will teach a child to give up in the face of adversity, but this is not a major concern in the case of a single school change.’
Seventh-year student Charlotte O’Brien tragically took her own life after saying persistent bullying by her classmates was making her school life a living hell.
For some families, purchasing a complete new school uniform or other costs associated with the change could be a financial stress.
And there is also the fear that the trigger for bullying could follow the child even to their new school through online abuse and social media.
In Charlotte’s tragic case, she discovered on Google that her biological father, whom she had never met, had a violent criminal past and confided in some friends.
Unfortunately, that information was later used mercilessly against her, the family said.
However, even in the connected age of social media, Dr. Spencer thought it was still possible for a child to move to a new school where he or she was struggling and find a “clean slate.”
“I’ve seen it clinically and it’s wonderful to see a child recover,” he said.
Dr Spencer said persistent bullying was usually due to a combination of things rather than a single factor, such as family history.
She said it depended on the individual personalities of the children in the class or school year doing the bullying and their parents’ willingness to intervene, the school’s ability to regulate bullying and the vulnerabilities of the child being bullied.
Charlotte disclosed personal family information to some friends, but unfortunately she said it was used against her.
Brisbane’s senior child psychiatrist Dr Jillian Spencer said there was no guarantee that changing schools would make a bullying situation go away.
Although Dr Spencer could only comment on Charlotte’s case from what she had read, suicide in general is complex and the World Health Organisation (WHO) warns against attributing it to a single factor.
“Suicide risk should not be exaggerated or presented as a single cause and should not be considered an appropriate means of coping with adversity,” says a WHO guideline.
Dr. Spencer offered some general advice to parents who believe their children are being bullied.
“Parents should be kept informed of the reported incidents and the children involved, so that the school has clear information to take action,” she said.
‘If severe bullying continues for more than two or three months, it can affect the child’s development.
‘The child may come to see himself and the world in a different light from sustained negative experiences.
‘There needs to be ongoing conversation with the child about what they are experiencing and whether they see opportunities to make things better and maintain a sense of hope.’
Dr. Spencer said there also needs to be an “ongoing conversation” between parents and the school, including the school psychologist/principal, about any factors that can be used to protect the child.
For parents who are concerned that a school is not being proactive enough, Dr Spencer said it was important to communicate this in writing “to ensure their concerns are not ignored”.
“Parents should also meet with senior school staff and the school psychologist or counselor to discuss the situation,” Dr. Spencer said.
‘If mental health services are involved, they can also communicate with the school to ensure concerns are addressed.’
