A pregnant woman has revealed that she plans to give the baby her ex-husband’s surname even though he is not the father.
The 29-year-old from the US took to Reddit’s Relationship Advice thread to unravel the details of the drama.
She explained how she had become pregnant by her ex-fiancé, even though he had had a vasectomy, before the relationship fell apart.
However, the unnamed mother said she wanted to continue with the pregnancy but wanted to give the new child her ex-husband’s last name instead, especially since they already share a child.
The 29-year-old American woman took to Reddit’s Relationship Advice thread to unravel the details of the drama.
She explained how she had become pregnant by her ex-fiancé, despite him having a vasectomy, before the relationship fell apart (file image)
The post, which was uploaded earlier this week, was titled: “How strange would it be if I gave a new baby only my ex-husband’s last name?”
The woman candidly shared: ‘My now ex-fiancé got me pregnant and blocked me on everything. He had a vasectomy and I had the IUD removed. We proceeded and I became pregnant.
‘He tried to force me to abort the last few days, but when I refused, he blocked me. Have a good trip.
‘I don’t know the quality of his vasectomy. I only know what he told me.
She continued defiantly: ‘I’m going to go ahead with the pregnancy alone. I am divorced, I have a son from a previous marriage and I kept my ex-husband’s last name.
‘Our son had that name, so I just didn’t change it. Now, I have this new baby on the way, but isn’t the last name originally mine?
‘The father is obviously not going to be involved. Would it be crazy for me to give the baby another man’s last name? I don’t really want to go back to my maiden name because my dad wasn’t involved either.
‘Years ago, I asked my ex-husband if I could have a baby alone and give him his name and he said it was fine. I said it as some kind of joke but now it seems like cruel irony. I don’t know how she would feel now. Thoughts? I also don’t know how my exes, future spouses or girlfriends would feel about it.
The post was quickly inundated with comments, as many tried to assure her that it would be okay to give the child her ex-husband’s surname as it is still hers as well.
The exasperated woman concluded: “I have no problem supporting the child and I am already emotionally attached.”
Elaborating on the comments, she said that she and her ex-husband had been married for six years and added: ‘I would definitely tell my ex-husband just to be polite.
‘Also, I didn’t leave my ex-husband. He cheated on me with a woman while I was deployed. They decided they wanted to be together and that was it.
‘Now he has several children, all from different mothers. Believe it or not, I tried really hard with both of my partners as they are the only ones I have ever had. It’s not a story of me being a homeless man and running through the streets.
‘Now it’s my name too. I didn’t just pick it and say “it looks good.” I have had this name for over 10 years and it is on all of my college degrees, licenses, etc.
‘It’s not “out of spite.” That’s legally my name. I didn’t anticipate that the man I thought was going to marry me would run away. We were together for years. I didn’t anticipate any of that.
She continued: ‘My main reason was that I wanted the same surname as my daughter. I think it’s a little strange too, but I was trying to weigh how strange it might be.
‘How will I explain it to the future child? I’ll say, “Your dad couldn’t take responsibility, so I did it alone. You have the same name, your sister and I, and we love you very much.”
‘”I’m sorry your dad couldn’t see what a great person you are.” Or something like that. It will be perfect? I doubt it.
‘My ex-fiancé specifically said he didn’t want me to have his last name. She became very cruel before blocking me. It was hard.
“If he came and decided to be a father (or even get involved), I would be more than willing to change the child’s first name to his last name.”
However, on the other hand, other Reddit users did not agree with using the last name she still shares with her ex-husband.
And the post was quickly inundated with comments, as many tried to assure her that it would be fine to give the child her ex-husband’s surname as it is still hers too.
One person wrote: ‘It’s your last name. You never changed it to your maid, so it’s essentially your last name, meaning the baby would have the same last name as you. Just don’t put your ex-husband on the birth certificate lol.’
A second person commented: ‘This. Legally, it’s your last name. As far as any government entity is concerned, it is their last name.
‘So get rid of at least one worry. You are not giving your baby your ex-husband’s last name, you are giving that baby your last name.
Another added: ‘It’s still your surname too, so if it wasn’t your current surname what would you use? Certainly not the guy who walked away and blocked you. In fact, it seems logical to me to use his current last name.
Someone else wrote: “Personally I think it would be a bit weird, not going to lie.” But it’s your last name now, so do what you want. I don’t see anything wrong with it.’
A fifth person commented: ‘It’s not “another man’s name”, it’s YOUR last name. You gained the same ownership of that surname when you changed your name as anyone who was born with that surname.
‘If you are likely to keep that surname (even if you remarry), I recommend using it. It’s so you share a last name with your son. End of story.’
One person added: ‘Legally it’s still your last name so it seems reasonable.’ You can let your ex-husband know if you want, and if he acts weird, just remind him that it’s yours and also your other child’s last name (plus you don’t want to give the baby the last name of a man who is declared not to be involved). .’
‘I have the same last name as my mother and my sisters, the last name of my mother’s ex-husband. I have a different father than my sisters. It was never strange and it made it easier for my mom,” another person wrote.
However, on the other hand, other Reddit users did not agree with the use of the last name that she still shares with her ex-husband.
One person wrote: ‘I gave my middle son my married name (NOT my husband’s) instead of my maiden name, because I wanted it to match me and my oldest son. My son wishes I hadn’t done this.
Another person commented: ‘Don’t do it. This is why. This will confuse everyone, including the baby. You will be answering the same question for the rest of your life. It can affect your ex’s reputation.
‘People may assume he’s lazy/favors the first child. The baby may also make the connection and believe that his ex is her father, and feel confused or hurt because he does not treat him the same as his older brother. Ultimately, it’s your decision. “I just don’t think it’s worth it.”
A third person advised: ‘It’s strange. Very rare. Unless he’s okay with it. Talk to him again in real time, so you can have a firm answer.
‘In my opinion, future brides should not be considered. The decision is simply not yours, because you are not here right now. She talks to him and watches what she says. I should be able to have a say since it’s originally his last name.’