After a year of frantic flirting, I could no longer control my desire. I locked myself in my office, turned off the lights, closed the electric blinds, called Henry and had sex with him at my desk.
It was a wild impulse; a moment of utter recklessness that could have cost me my job and my three-year marriage. I also had a baby, who was only 18 months old, and Henry was in a relationship. But much worse was the fact that, at 25, Henry was 15 years younger than me and I was his boss.
At the global technology company in London where we both worked, I was a company director and he was part of a sales team. He was many rungs below me on the corporate ladder. Part of me loved the power of summoning Henry to my office to finally consummate our relationship. I was calling the shots and it felt sexy and exciting.
Of course, it occurred to me that he was imitating that old cliché about a boss sleeping with a much younger employee, albeit with the gender roles reversed.
Nicole Kidman in a scene from Babygirl, in which a high-profile CEO risks her career and family when she begins an affair with her much younger intern.
These types of encounters, which carry an inherent power imbalance, are frowned upon in the wake of #MeToo. However, they obviously still happen. And, as in my case, a leading woman is equally capable of falling in love with a very young man. It’s a hot topic, featured on TV’s hottest show, Industry, when powerhouse Nicole makes sexual advances on two interns and then begins an affair with a man, Robert, before it ends rather awkwardly.
And it’s also explored in Nicole Kidman’s new film, Babygirl, where she plays a CEO whose career and family are threatened after an affair with a young intern. On screen, as I experienced in life, the power dynamic between them changes and evolves, increasing the stakes for both of them.
Because while the boss may get a head start, as matters escalate and morale becomes increasingly compromised, the balance may tip in her employee’s favor. As I would find it at my cost.
Like Kidman’s character, I was unhappy in my marriage. That’s not an excuse, but it did mean that I was vulnerable when Henry showed interest, and it’s what led to my incredible recklessness, a word no one would have used to describe me before.
I married my husband Tom in 2015, when I was 38 years old. Perhaps ironically, we met working for a different company, when we were both single and had similar careers. I was drawn to it because it offered stability and my family and friends thought it was great. We were both very committed to our respective careers (Tom is a financier), but beyond that, I suspect we actually had little in common.
He wasn’t the romantic type or a man who paid me a lot of compliments. But we were both keen to start a family and settled in Kent to provide our future children with a rural life.
However, after three years of marriage and a baby, any emotional and physical intimacy had diminished and I felt underestimated and increasingly afraid to stay with him for the rest of my life. Returning to work six months after my baby was born, I was happy to have structure back in my life.
Henry and I saw each other regularly when I led our weekly team meetings or conducted quarterly evaluations. He had dark brown hair, smiling blue eyes, and big, strong arms. He was always well dressed and wore a subtle fragrance. You had to be close enough to smell the warm woody aroma. I was attracted to his charisma, confidence and sense of fun.
From my point of view as the head of a team of 200 people, I noticed that he was always the one to metaphorically put his arm around anyone who was feeling down. Henry realized that I was unhappy too. He started deliberately asking me if I was okay.
The flirting started harmlessly enough with the simple raise of an eyebrow one day when I mentioned that his team’s performance was “up.” I remember thinking, ‘Oh, I’ve never seen him raise his eyebrow like that at anyone else.’
After that, the flattery gradually became more blatant. He was cheekily calling me ‘boss’ and was pensive, checking to see if I needed lunch or a drink.
The chocolate bars he left on my desk were welcome tokens of a relationship that was a little more than professional. Henry had a way of telling me what I needed to hear, but in a subtle way: he would always notice if I had done my nails or blow-dried my hair, for example.
I was someone who had always taken pride in my professional appearance: I went to the gym every other day, got regular manicures, had my blonde hair highlighted every six weeks, and had an immaculate and extensive wardrobe.
I remember him complimenting me on my new mommy curves and telling me that my personality could light up any room. Given my isolated position as team leader and the lack of attention I received from my husband, I found it difficult to resist these overtures.
The cast of HBO’s Industry, in which young bankers and traders make their way in the cutthroat financial world after the 2008 crash.
After a few months, Henry came to my office one afternoon, closed the door behind him and asked with unusual seriousness: ‘Are you really okay? You seem so discouraged. . .’
Not even my close friends or family had asked me that question and it broke down the walls I had built. My problems came to light; how unhappy I was in my marriage, the fact that my husband seemed completely indifferent towards me and the feeling was mutual.
Henry took this as a green light to start messaging me outside of work, just to see if I was okay, or so he initially said.
One weekend he texted me to say, “I hope you’re okay and if you need to get out of the house I can meet you for coffee, just say so.” Although I didn’t accept his offer, I greatly appreciated the idea.
Then, late one Saturday night, when I was at home having a glass of wine on the couch, a text message arrived that changed everything. Perhaps drunk, perhaps simply feeling reckless, Henry sent me a list of explicit things he would like to do with me. I was shocked. But instead of preparing to report him to HR, I realized how much I wanted him too.
Perhaps because of the wine, I found myself reciprocating. On Monday morning I felt incredibly uncomfortable but, to my relief, he made no hint or revealing look. I relaxed – a little.
For the next few months, we sexted constantly when we weren’t at work, even at home when my husband was home. Although I didn’t feel guilty at the time, I was anxious that if he said a single word about our exchanges, my position as his boss would become untenable.
I got the impression that he was willing to run off into the sunset with me because I mentioned things that suggested a future together. Although this was more than I wanted, I didn’t tell him in case his attention waned and he decided to reveal our secret wide open.
We hadn’t even kissed before he started directing our text messages toward the topic of us leaving our partners. I would dance around him, making our talk light and sexy again. Meetings where he was present were often embarrassing, knowing that we had been texting all weekend and bringing ourselves to orgasm on the other end of the phone.
Although there were rumors at work that Henry liked her, that was it. No one suspected that I would have been tempted, both because of being married and because of my status. But secretly, the sexual tension was becoming unbearable.
One of the oldest clichés in the book is that we finally had sex at the Christmas party at headquarters, a few weeks before we all left for the holiday break in December 2018. With the fizz flowing, I couldn’t contain my lust. not anymore. That’s when I called him to my office and we had sex on the desk; our colleagues were a few meters away outside. It was easily the riskiest thing I had ever done in my life.
Afterwards, we hurriedly dressed. He returned to the party and I excused myself from having to pick up the babysitter again and left. There were more illicit relationships before Christmas: one in a bathroom at work, another in a boardroom and a third after hours.
Why weren’t the risks enough to deter me? I had a lot more to lose than him, including a six-figure salary and the respect of my peers.
Actually, it was finally giving in to my feelings and having sex that made me come to my senses and realize how much I was risking.
Over Christmas break, I texted Henry five simple words: “That will never happen again.” He never tried to persuade me otherwise, nor did he respond, which made me question whether he would reveal everything at work.
Henry knew everything about me: my sexual fantasies, what it was like to have sex with me. . .
That’s when I realized how much power I had given him. Even though he had started it all and I had the messages to prove it, as his boss should have known better. In reality, however, the moment I responded to his text messages, the scales tipped in his favor.
He started putting me down in meetings, questioning the decisions I made in front of everyone. He would give me a determined look, fixating me in meetings with a look that I interpreted as: ‘Challenge my opinion and I’ll tell everyone what’s going on between us.’
I became a nervous wreck. Every time I saw him with any of my colleagues, I became convinced that he was revealing everything about our year-long mutual obsession, perhaps even showing them some of our most explicit sexual messages, which included revealing photos.
Call it chance, but not long after, another big tech company sought me out, and I gratefully left my old job (and Henry) behind in 2019. My marriage ended by mutual consent that same year. Tom never found out about my affair and my career survived unscathed.
I have never had another working relationship or flirtation since then, and I never will. My advice to other successful women is: stay away. It’s not worth the risk of losing everything you’ve worked hard for.
I recently married a wonderful man who I met at a friend’s birthday celebration in 2022. We know everything about each other with this one exception.
I’ve never been able to confess everything about Henry. Such is my guilt and shame for being a boss who slept with an office boy.
- As he told Sadie Nicholas. The names have been changed.