Julia Roberts’ sister Nancy Motes passed away ten years ago today, and things will never be easier for her devastated fiancé John Dilbeck, who still firmly points the finger at the Hollywood star for “leaving a hole in my soul” .
Motes took his own life after overdosing on pills and drowning in a bathtub on February 9, 2014 at the age of 37.
In his 13-page suicide note, he detailed how his older, more famous half-brother had made his life a living hell.
In all these years, Roberts, 56, never spoke about Nancy’s death and chose not to make public the part of Nancy’s note, which was addressed only to Julia and her late mother Betty.
Julia Roberts’ half-sister Nancy Motes (together in an undated photo) took her own life ten years ago, leaving a suicide note detailing how the actress made her life a living hell.
Her devastated fiancé, John Dilbeck, spoke to DailyMail.com on the 10th anniversary of her death and revealed that he has been unable to recover from the tragedy.
An emotional Dilbeck says he still feels resentment towards Roberts and guilt for ‘leaving a hole in my soul’
Meanwhile, TV location manager Dilbeck, 41, still lives in the same Santa Monica apartment he shared with Nancy, sitting on the same now-worn couch that holds bittersweet memories.
In an exclusive interview with DailyMail.com, he said: “I feel like I’ve been stuck in a coma.” Life stopped, the whole world fell apart after his death.
‘I never recovered. You know, I’ve never had another serious relationship.
‘Even after ten years, I am devastated. Nancy meant the world to me. She is a hole in my soul. I feel so empty and incomplete without her.
TV location manager Dilbeck, 41, still lives in the same Santa Monica apartment he shared with Nancy ten years later.
‘They say you are very lucky if you ever find a soulmate in your life and maybe that will be it.
‘I’m still trying to be hopeful, but here we are a decade later. He doesn’t feel so long, he feels blurry.
‘Once Nancy died, the pieces never came back together. I never found another solution. My life was very ruined because I thought that was my future.’
Motes claimed that Roberts and her other half-sister, Lisa, made Nancy’s life a misery for more than 20 years. Overweight and depressed, Nancy felt like she had nothing left to live for.
In the emotional handwritten suicide note, Motes, a production assistant on the hit show Glee, said the abuse had been so severe that “I started crying because I woke up.”
He added: “My mother (Betty) and the so-called ‘siblings’ get nothing except the memory that they were the ones who drove me into the deepest depression I have ever been in.”
This was the part of the letter that was made public.
He wrote it in three parts: one addressed to Dilbeck, one for everyone, and the final part for Roberts and his mother, which Roberts has kept private.
Dilbeck believes his decision to do so was not out of any respect for Nancy, as the LAPD officers investigating the case told him about the contents of the letter.
Roberts is pictured with Motes and her mother Betty Lou when the star was filming 1997’s My Best Friend’s Wedding.
The actress was seen greeting well-wishers at a service at her sister’s grave in Smyrna, Georgia, in May 2014.
In the section of the note addressed to John, Nancy praised him as her “one true love” and told him that she is not worthy of his affection.
He also declared his desire to leave his belongings and his dog Lucy with Dilbeck.
Motes blamed her mother and her “so-called” siblings” for driving her “into the deepest depression she’s ever been in.”
An emotional Dilbeck still feels raw and angry.
‘The note makes it very clear how horrible and miserable Julia had tormented Nancy all her life. It showed the desperation Nancy felt. He’s very heartbreaking,” she says.
‘Anyone could understand why someone in Nancy’s position had been pushed so far that the only way to escape her torment was to take her own life. That’s clearly what Nancy believed.
‘So many people have been discovered, the toxic stars, I have been waiting for Julia to fall, I felt it was a matter of time.
“But now that this story is overshadowed by other scandalous events, which seem to occur weekly, we move on to the next scandal,” says Dilbeck.
‘I still feel resentment, anger. The wound does not disappear, it does not heal.
“I can’t even forgive Julia for everything she’s done, because she lives in a fantasy bubble, where she would just deny everything,” he says.
Nancy died of a drug overdose on February 9 at the age of 37. Her death was ruled a suicide.
Julia Roberts is seen with Simon Porte Jacquemus during the Jacquemus fashion show in Saint-Paul-De-Vence, France, last month.
“Nancy was made to look like some kind of drug addict who died of an overdose, which turns out that was never the case. Nancy used the prescription drug as a means to an end.
“Julia drove her into the deepest depression,” Dilbeck says.
“But it’s a side of the story that’s kind of ignored, just like people don’t want to believe that Santa Claus isn’t real.”
“At the time, Julia was the self-proclaimed American sweetheart; she’s quite the opposite.”
Dilbeck says he was banned from attending the funeral and Roberts gave a “harsh” eulogy in which he allegedly said he “just wanted to ‘wring (Motes’) neck because he didn’t wait to see the joy that comes with the morning.”
He says the family did everything they could to stop him from going and threatened anyone else if they told me, as then they would be banned too.
“Then I asked some friends what it was like: ‘Do you think that’s what Nancy would have wanted?’ And they all unanimously said: ‘Of course not, she would be horrified.’
“Everyone present said they felt very uncomfortable, especially when Julia stood up to speak. It just added insult to injury.
Dilbeck admitted that he has struggled to move on since Nancy’s death and has not had “another serious relationship” since.
Motes had worked as a production assistant on the hit show Glee. He is pictured with cast member Chris Colfer in 2013.
Nicknames with Glee star Heather Morris in April 2013
But I think she really has some bad karma ahead of her. I have to believe that somehow Karma has to take over this woman. She is absolutely miserable.
While suffering a personal tragedy, Dilbeck, who worked on the Kardashians’ reality shows, also saw her career suffer due to the pandemic and then the actors’ strike.
There’s no sugar coating the fact that the world without Motes is a much darker place.
“My industry has been on a rollercoaster, I’ve been working mainly on reality shows or game shows as they are cheap and don’t involve actors, but that is slowly changing,” he explains.
‘Dating in Los Angeles is already very difficult, I’m trying, I feel lucky to be alive, but I also feel trapped.
‘I miss Nancy so much that words cannot explain the depth of it all. She was a wonderful, kind, loving and caring person, with so much hope and ambition. Her empathy for others was never surpassed.
‘His laugh was contagious. She was inspiring, loving and caring. We had so many dreams, goals and passions that we could have shared together.’