The world is full of addicts. If you’ve walked through a city center in the last week, chances are you’ve passed dozens of them.
I’m not talking about the “obvious” addicts, the ones who are at the store doors and whom most people prefer to turn their back on.
I’m talking about the hidden, “everyday” addicts, who go about their business without anyone really knowing their history of drug abuse or alcoholism, the ones who look a lot like you and me, who wear suits, ties, and fancy dresses. , who go to work, put their kids to bed, and do everything they can to help others because that’s what addicts do when they’re on the road to recovery.
Those addicts.
The sober ones.
Liam Payne on vacation with his girlfriend, American actress Kate Cassidy
There is a lot of judgment when a celebrity’s life is cut short due to addiction issues. We saw it last year, when Matthew Perry died, and we are seeing it now after the tragic death of Liam Payne, at just 31 years old.
People who are blissfully unaware of the realities of addiction pontificate about the events that led to these deaths and all the ways things could have been different, if perhaps the celebrity in question had perked up a little or received a gift. good to talk to.
They gape and look with contempt at these humans whose pain they know absolutely nothing about.
What isn’t talked about very often is the quiet group of people who have known the horrors of addiction and wake up every morning grateful to have survived it. Recovering addicts, who will have read the reports of Liam’s death with great sadness, and probably thought to themselves: ‘There but for the grace of God would I go.’ Because the truth is that we are surrounded by people who privately describe themselves as alcoholics or addicts, while publicly presenting themselves as the upstanding citizens that they are: teachers, lawyers, judges, builders, doctors, accountants and, yes, stars of the pop, who have been able to receive the gift of sobriety and continue to thrive because of it.
As you know, I am one of them. I describe myself as a recovering alcoholic, having been sober for seven years after a decades-long battle with alcohol and cocaine.
Like many in recovery, I feel empathy and compassion for Liam Payne. We may not have had their fame or fortune (although we recognize that all the fame and fortune in the world won’t save you from addiction, it will only make your sense of failure worse), but we do know the dark places of One Direction. It is said that he was the star.
All alcoholics and addicts have had experiences in which the outcome of a binge depended on a roll of the dice: our body landed in recovery position when we passed out or encountered a stranger who helped us, rather than took advantage of us. Above all, we all know that sobriety is always fragile, that it is never a given, and that we are just one drink away from total and utter destruction.
It’s Robbie Williams, of all people, who has been one of the few voices of sanity in a sea of confusing comments over the past week.
In a post on Instagram, he wrote: “I think it’s worth repeating right now: we don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives.” What pain they are going through and what makes them behave the way they behave. Before reaching a judgment, you need to cut yourself some slack… I still had my demons at 31 years old. I relapsed. I felt pain… I remember Heath Ledger passing by and thinking “I’m next.” By the grace of God and/or by sheer luck, I am still here.
You are right. I was 37 when I got sober and had relapsed several times. I couldn’t understand why I kept going back to the bottle. She had everything anyone could want (a lovely husband, a lovely daughter) and yet she seemed hell-bent on destroying it all.
It was only through the “dumb luck” of meeting people in recovery that I was able to come to understand that I could not achieve sobriety on my own and that no external thing (be it my family or my material possessions) could stop my addiction. Suggesting that someone like me take “just one drink” was like asking someone to think about how to get out of a life-limiting physical illness.
I speak very openly about my alcoholism, on behalf of all the people who cannot be alcoholism. And there are many people who cannot be. The Forward Trust is a charity that helps people suffering from addiction (its patron is the Princess of Wales) and last year it published astonishing research into the extent of drug and alcohol problems in this country. It found that almost half of UK adults aged 18 to 75 were affected by addiction, whether they suffered from it themselves or knew someone who did. However, even though this equates to 22 million people, the study found that half of them felt unable to talk to anyone about their problems, due to the stigma associated with addiction.
The conclusion was stark: shame keeps large numbers of people sick, and we are surrounded by people who suffer in silence because they are too afraid to tell the truth about this horrible disease.
And it is a disease. It is not a moral failure, nor a lack of willpower, nor a weakness that tends to affect the very rich or the very poor. It is not exclusive to young people, as evidenced by figures released this week showing that a 30 per cent rise in cocaine deaths is due to a rise in middle-aged users.
Addiction does not discriminate; It could affect any of us, it could even be affecting you right now as you read this. And the sooner we recognize this, the sooner we can help people like Liam, rather than having to rely on pure luck to save them.
trusted clinic
According to a survey by the National Literacy Trust, only half of parents read to their young children every day. But I was surprised when a teacher told me that you should continue reading to (or with) your children into adolescence. It gives them a feeling of security, as it is one of the few activities that allows them your full attention. Now my 11-year-old daughter and I have a “girls’ book club,” when we read the latest young adult novel she likes. It’s a good way to feel connected. I recommend it.
Every woman knows what Natalie means.
Oscar-winning actress Natalie Portman has spoken about how she finally feels “confident” now that she is 40. Portman rose to fame as a child when she starred in the film Lion and has said that she felt sexualized at a young age. “It’s been liberating to be 40, because I don’t feel that threat anymore.”
I don’t think you have to have been a child star to understand what Natalie is talking about. I remember being catcalled when I was 13, while I was once propositioned by a man on the way home from school.
But then you never felt able to complain about it, because somehow it was considered good to be attractive, even if you were a boy too. Thank God, times have changed, not only for those of us in our 40s, who are no longer looked down upon publicly, but also for our daughters, who will know that they should definitely make a fuss if it happens to them. .
It’s a bit rich of Tina Brown to describe Meghan Markle as having “the worst judgment in the world.” The royal biographer made these statements in a podcast. “She’s perfect at doing everything wrong,” the 70-year-old said, apparently not realizing that publicly criticizing women you don’t actually know is itself poor judgment.
Have you ever felt like life is a little…too much? Bestselling author and journalist Bryony Gordon is here to ditch the shame and dive headfirst into the trickier parts of life. Look for The Life of Bryony wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes released every Monday and Friday.