A widow has revealed how her husband’s brain tumours transformed him from a “warm and loving” husband and “doting father” to a violent abuser.
Michele Kenber, 58, says Dave Kenber, 54, changed dramatically, but there were few clues as to why until his shocking diagnosis.
Scans revealed three cancerous lumps growing in his left frontal lobe, part of the brain that plays a key role in social skills, self-control and behaviour.
This came after years of anguish for corporate financier Mrs Kenber, who watched her son’s stepfather become a paranoid and jealous man whom she eventually had to evict.
Kenber, a financial executive from Sandton, South Africa, put a tracker on her car, spyware on her computer and attacked her children, once even pointing a pellet gun at Kenber’s face, she said.
Michele Kenber, 58 (right), says Dave Kenber, 54 (left) changed dramatically, but she only realized why when doctors found three brain tumors in his left frontal lobe.
Mr Kenber took in Mrs Kenber’s son (pictured) from a previous marriage and “just absolutely adored him”.
When the tumors were removed, he instantly returned to his “loving self” and was cared for by Mrs. Kenber during his final months.
Kenber failed to get a mark on his arm, which turned out to be skin cancer, examined in 2013.
“Like all men, I hated going to the doctor,” Kenber said.
“I was always in the sun but I never used sunscreen.”
Eventually Mr Kenber got an appointment and was referred for a biopsy, but it was canceled at the last minute and Dave never rebooked.
The growth disappeared, but a year later, Michele says she “started to notice her personality changing.”
Mr. Kenber, a financial executive from Sandton, South Africa, put a tracker on his car, a spy program on his computer and yelled at his children; He once even pointed a pellet gun at Mrs. Kenber’s face.
In about 12 months, in 2014, he went from being the soul of the party to a “mean, jealous person,” Kenber said.
Kenber failed to get a mark on his arm, which turned out to be skin cancer, examined in 2013.
Mr. Kenber eventually made an appointment and was referred for a biopsy, but it was cancelled at the last minute and Dave never rescheduled.
In the space of about 12 months in 2014, he went from being the life of the party to a “mean, jealous person,” she said.
She explained that he took her son from a previous marriage and “just completely adored him,” but everything changed.
“We were happy, we both had successful careers, our children were thriving, our lives were social and fun, but then I started to notice changes in his personality,” she said.
“There was never jealousy in our marriage, and suddenly he started getting very paranoid about certain things and saying things like ‘why are you wearing that?’
‘He also became agitated around the children very quickly. He deteriorated to the point where living with him became a nightmare.’
He even ended up installing spyware on all of Ms. Kenber’s devices and putting a tracker on her car.
“I became suspicious when he said things like ‘what were you doing at lunchtime today?'” Mrs. Kenber said.
One night when he woke up, he found Mr. Kenber pointing a pellet gun at his face.
He began having frequent contact with police in Sandton after continued incidents of domestic violence, he said.
Ms Kenber said: ‘The distress this caused was horrible; Having children and going through that legal process was traumatic.
“I went to Sandton Police Station to open a case and thought: How could this happen to me?”
In October 2016, Mr. Kenber suddenly collapsed while at work and was rushed to hospital, during which time he had two seizures.
A scan revealed he had three advanced brain tumors in his left frontal lobe, the area of the brain that affects logic.
Brain tumours can cause personality changes, from lack of motivation, irritability and even aggression, explains the Brain Tumour Charity
In late 2015, Ms. Kenber evicted him from the home and obtained a restraining order.
But in October 2016, Kenber suddenly collapsed while at work and was rushed to hospital, during which time he suffered two seizures.
A scan revealed he had three advanced brain tumors.
The Brain Tumor Charity explains that one in three people could experience personality changes caused by a brain tumor or its treatment.
Other common symptoms of brain tumours include headaches, seizures, nausea, weakness in one part of the body and vision or speech problems, the NHS says.
Brain tumors are the leading cause of cancer death in children and adults under 40 years of age and more than 5,300 people lose their lives each year due to a brain tumor.
Intensive radiotherapy was immediately administered. Mr. Kenber was also given steroids to reduce the swelling and, once part of the tumor was removed, Mrs. Kenber was surprised to see her former husband returning from her.
Ms. Kenber moved him back to her home, where he remained for his final four months, before dying on January 26, 2017.
Ms Kenber has since retired from corporate sales and now volunteers for a domestic violence charity.
Mrs Kenber said: “All the tumours came from a melanoma from the original growth on her arm that I detected so many years ago.”
‘When it collapsed, the big ones had already been growing for a few years.’
He was immediately given intensive radiotherapy.
“The neurosurgeon asked me if I had noticed any changes in his personality. I said, ‘You don’t want to know!'” he said.
Mr. Kenber was also given steroids to reduce the swelling, and once part of the tumor was removed, Mrs. Kenber was surprised to see her elderly husband return.
“I literally saw the change in real time,” he said.
“He was totally back to his old self.”
Ms. Kenber moved him back into her home, where he remained for his final four months, before dying on January 26, 2017.
“We had an incredible four months where everything from previous years almost disappeared,” he said.
‘He completely came back, it was incredible. I felt very grateful for that moment,” she added.
Now, Ms Kenber is urging people to “be more vigilant and get checked”.
“I just wish people, especially men, would be more vigilant and get checked,” she said.
Ms Kenber has since retired from corporate sales and now volunteers for a charity fighting domestic violence.
She said: ‘My experience, although horrible, really opened my eyes to what people go through; it’s never as simple as just getting up and leaving.
‘I urge anyone who notices a growth or anything unusual on their skin to get it checked out straight away – you never know what could happen.’
