Dear Jane,
My wife has adopted a disgusting new ‘fad’ (if that’s the right word) and it has completely taken away my desire to have sex with her.
A few months ago he fell from a Tik Tok hole of all these women who were “giving up their razors” and “embracing their natural body hair,” and it made her decide she wanted to do the same. She said that she had spent too much time stressing over some leg hair and armpit “fuzz” and she decided that she couldn’t be bothered to keep up with all that maintenance.
To begin with, it didn’t faze me. It’s her body and I thought a little hair wouldn’t make much difference!
But the more it happens, the more and more disgusted I feel. I know it sounds sexist or misogynistic or whatever you want to call it, but I don’t find it attractive at all. I think he’s disgusting.
Dear Jane, My wife refuses to shave her body hair and I am so disgusted that our sex life is now non-existent.
Obviously I haven’t told her this because no matter what her body hair situation is, I still love her, it’s just… the attraction I once felt for her has disappeared since this body hair epiphany.
He’s obviously picked up on the fact that I haven’t been “in the mood” as much lately, but he doesn’t seem to have any idea about the real reason.
I don’t want to hurt her, I really don’t, but I’m worried that my marriage will fall apart if something doesn’t change very soon.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest topics in her column Dear Jane, Agony Aunt
How would you fix this mess?
Of,
Rash
Dear Razor Burn,
This is a difficult question to answer, because on the one hand, of course, your wife should be able to do whatever she wants with her body, without worrying about what anyone else thinks, not even her husband.
And yet, part of me also recognizes that marriage always involves compromise.
Sometimes we end up doing things that we might not do if left to our own devices, but we do them to serve a greater good: the peace and happiness of our marriage.
I think you can say everything you said above to your wife. You love her, whatever her body hair situation is, but you’re less attracted to her fur.
Share how confusing this is and maybe how you know you don’t have the right to tell her what to do and what she thinks.
Have a conversation about it. If you can honestly convey not only that you don’t like her, but precisely why you don’t like her, I imagine she’ll want to put the needs of marriage before the comfort of a razor-free life.
Wishing you luck…
Dear Jane,
I am a 70 year old retired person raising an autistic son as a single mother. Her mother, my second wife, eloped in 2018 after 20 years together, having emptied our bank accounts along the way. After she left, my son, who is now 26, really stepped up to help financially. He got a good job and contributed to the bills, and we were both very happy living together.
Until our landlord sold our house, leaving us with a new landlord who increased the rent significantly, ignoring all the repairs that needed to be made.
It quickly became clear that we needed to find another place to live, but with rents increasing in our area, we felt like we were out of options. It was at that point that my first wife stepped in to offer us a deal: we could both move into her house, rent-free, as long as we helped her with the housework and helped her get to her doctor’s appointments.
The deal seemed like a dream. She and I always remained on friendly terms after we separated, and I felt that enough time had passed (26 years!) for both of us to live together without any major problems, so I agreed immediately.
But not long after we moved, it became clear to me that she was incredibly jealous of the bond I share with my son and the attention I was giving him. She never had children of her own and she really doesn’t know how to be a mother, especially when it comes to young people with autism.
A horrible pattern developed between the two of them where she would demand he do something for her, he would refuse, and she would then threaten to kick him out. So much resentment and animosity built up between the two that he began to rebel, quit his job, refuses to look for another job, and instead focuses entirely on writing a book, which his online friends have somehow convinced him to do. of what he will publish. a great success.
However, the fact that I am home all day has done nothing to improve the relationship between my son and my ex. I find myself constantly caught in the middle of the two of them and I hate to see what this situation has done to my son, but with him out of work and me earning very little from social security, there really aren’t many other options for us.
All I want to do is make peace here… Any ideas how to do that?
Of,
man in the middle
Dear Middle Man,
What a deeply disturbing situation you are in and how sorry I am that you are in it.
There is no obvious solution, but I believe that the peace and happiness of you and your son, a peace and happiness that you had enjoyed until the reappearance of your first wife, should be your primary concern.
Autism can manifest itself in many different ways. There’s no doubt that his ex-wife could learn the skills needed to help an autistic child feel safe and loved. If she wanted it that way.
I don’t know if she’s willing to do that kind of work to help a young man she seems to resent, but I would at least look for books or articles that you can suggest she read to better understand. how to treat your child.
You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think your focus should be on building your child up, helping them feel capable and strong, regardless of the behavior of those around them.
Fortestrong.com offers a ‘Failure to Launch’ program for young men, helping them become healthier, happier and most importantly, independent. t
Stop worrying about the dynamic between your son and his first wife and focus on how your son can develop his skills to be able to weather this type of storm without giving up the incredible progress he had made.