DEAR JANE: My boyfriend has a disgusting airplane habit – and it’s making me want to dump him

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we just went on our first vacation to Europe.

Until the trip I thought it was perfect. I found him very attractive and thought he was funny, smart and kind. But one thing he did recently completely put me off.

It all started on our long-haul flight from the United States to London. Within minutes of starting the flight, he took off his shoes and socks and remained barefoot for the entire eight-hour flight.

Her feet smelled bad and it honestly made me sick to see her hairy toes in such a public place. But I kept my mouth shut because everyone has different preferences when it comes to long flights.

After a week in London, we flew to Paris. The flight lasted an hour and yet, for some reason, he felt the need to take off his shoes and socks still. again.

He did this on every flight we took across Europe, and after I asked him about it, he said it was because his feet were sweaty and claustrophobic. Vomit.

I know my feelings may seem like an overreaction, but I haven’t been attracted to him since, which is shocking because I used to be obsessed with him.

It seems silly to throw away our entire relationship over this. Is there anything I can do to recover from ick?

Of,

put a sock on it

Darling, put a sock on it,

As someone with a lifelong foot phobia, I share your horror at your boyfriend’s actions.

I remember going to my uncles’ house for Christmas and all my cousins ​​would lie on the couches barefoot, which horrified me. And, as far as I can remember, they didn’t even smell.

You have my deepest condolences. No one wants to be exposed to smelly feet, especially in confined circumstances, like an eight-hour flight.

Someone needs to tell your boyfriend, and very soon, that this behavior is not acceptable and I’m afraid that person must be you.

As for disgusting you, well, of course, it disgusts you. Tell him that he disgusts you and that his disdain for other passengers (and you) makes you like him less.

The good news is that often, once we express the discomfort, it passes. The other good news is that once you’ve told him, your future together will be very clear.

Either he’s the kind of man who worries about the impact his behaviors have on the world around him (in which case he’ll stop them) or he’s the kind of man who thinks he’s allowed to do whatever he wants (in which case, you’re better without it).

Either way, you win.

Dear Jane

For a while now I have been struggling with self-esteem and self-worth.

One of the ways it manifests itself is through celebrity adulation. I feel the need to seek out a female celebrity that I find intriguing…and then I become obsessed.

For example, I research their skincare regimen and exercise routine and then try to emulate them.

At first, I’m excited, but then that feeling is replaced by sadness and anxiety when I can’t replicate her life exactly.

I get it into my head that the celebrity must be perfect and I convince myself that they never make mistakes. Rationally I know that’s not true, but I still feel upset.

Then, when I’m at my lowest, I obsess over every detail of his life. I think about what time they wake up, what toothbrush they use, whether they shower or use a bathtub, and what their goals in life are.

But that’s not all. I even find myself thinking about how many times they could blink in a minute. Or how many times they wear a pair of jeans before washing them. Or how many countries they have visited.

Then, I Google their interviews and try to express myself as they use the same gestures and hand gestures.

I know it’s absurd. I try to do things I enjoy for myself, but this way of thinking has become too difficult to cope with.

Is it possible to change this unhealthy habit?

Greetings

uninhibited hipster

Dear uninhibited hipster:

I’m so sorry you’re struggling and I understand how difficult it is to live in a world where many of us are constantly on our screens, watching celebrities (and indeed friends/acquaintances) lead lives that seem unattainably perfect.

I know on some level you know that no one’s life is how it appears on social media.

Most celebrities use a wide variety of filters to have perfect skin, remove eye bags and wrinkles, slim their waist and enlarge their butt.

It’s rare to find famous people who allow candid shots on social media, and brave those who do. Because it shows women around the world that it’s okay to grow older, have sagging skin, and have imperfect bodies.

As someone with a social media presence, I know how curated our feeds are. Followers may think they’re watching my life, but the stacks of papers on my kitchen counter have been removed from the shot and the clutter in my home has been swept into a closet.

However, I suspect a reality check won’t bring you much comfort, because you’re dealing with something that may require the help of a mental health professional.

When we get stuck in repetitive or circular thoughts, it is often an indicator of anxiety or depression.

There are effective therapeutic techniques that can redirect your thoughts and replace these unhealthy habits with healthy ones. Consider cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as an option.

Wishing you good luck.