Love is patient, love is kind, but if you expect people to do something for free on your big day, you’re crazy.
Recently, a woman sparked outrage after approaching a former high school classmate, whom she also bullied, and asking him to perform for free at her upcoming wedding.
According to etiquette expert Myka Meier, it’s never appropriate to look for complementary products and services for a big event, but there are ways to approach the idea.
Myka, New York Plaza Hotel etiquette instructor and founder of Beaumont labelHe told DailyMail.com that if someone wants to give him a product or service for his big day, he will volunteer his time or resources; don’t ask him.
According to etiquette expert Myka Meier, it’s never appropriate to look for complementary products and services for a big event, but there are ways to approach the idea.
“It is not appropriate to ask friends or acquaintances for free services or products for your wedding for many reasons,” he warned.
“If someone really wants to donate their service or time, they will usually volunteer it.”
Myka says proper etiquette is to let them come to you, but shares that there is a way to broach the topic gently.
‘Instead of asking directly, you can share your plans and your excitement about the wedding. If someone wants to offer their help, they probably will,” she advised.
It’s important to note that, unsurprisingly, the people you ask will likely expect compensation for your services.
Otherwise, Myka recommends recognizing their contribution anyway.
“Even if it’s a small gesture or a sincere gift of gratitude,” he said. “This shows gratitude and respect for their time and effort.”
Myka added that people who own their own businesses often take advantage of them.
Myka, an etiquette instructor at the New York Plaza Hotel and founder of Beaumont Etiquette, told DailyMail.com that if someone wants to give you a product or service for your big day, they will volunteer their time or resources; don’t ask (stock image)
“(People often order) products or services because they think they are ‘free’ to the business owner,” he explained.
Another factor to consider, Myka explained, is the hidden costs that people don’t always take into account when requesting gifts.
“Whether it’s a cookie or cake company, a singer, a violinist, an event planner or something else, it doesn’t matter if it’s a product or service they offer, there are a lot of invisible costs to the owner,” he said.
“The cost of products or time spent at your event when they could be making money elsewhere are common reasons why people who own their own business may not want to ‘gift’ you something from their business.”
Myka added that it’s also vital to remember that the friends you’re asking are probably professionals, and asking for their services for free can devalue their work and expertise.
“It’s respectful to recognize their abilities and at least offer to pay them,” he recommended.
“If they then want to offer you a discount or ‘give it away’ for free, that would be their generous decision,” he continued.
He also warned that asking for scandalous alms can damage the relationships one may have with the people from whom one asks.
“Friends and acquaintances may feel obligated to say yes, even if they feel uncomfortable or cannot provide the service for free,” he warned.
“This can create tension and strain the relationship.”
It’s not just the bride and groom who have to follow some rules.
Last year, Myka spoke to DailyMail.com and shared what wedding guests should and shouldn’t do.
He advised not wearing an outfit that detracts from the bride, asking before posting photos on social media if the bride and groom have not done so, and spending between $50 and $100 on a wedding gift.