When we think of a ‘relationship contract’, for many of us, it’s a prenuptial agreement, which sets out how assets will be divided if a marriage breaks down and very I’ll often think about focusing on the practicalities rather than the romance.
But it seems Gen Z is no longer waiting until their wedding to draw up agreements in which both parties agree to “not hurt each other’s feelings,” “celebrate anniversaries,” “never cheat on each other,” and “never get bored of each other.”
Videos showing handwritten negotiations, sometimes decorated with markers and gel pens, have flooded social media, with users claiming it means they are now “stuck” with their partner.
Married couples like Hunter and Devin from @lafamiliacordle They also shared their story of how a ‘relationship contract’ helped keep their relationship going when they were high school sweethearts.
“I made him sign,” she chuckled, showing a piece of notebook paper written in pen, on which she said she would love God first and him second. “See, it worked! You didn’t break the contract, you kept it.”
There’s a new trend among Gen Z that involves writing contracts that ask both parties to agree to terms like “not hurting each other’s feelings” and “celebrating anniversaries.”
“I guess you’re right,” he nodded.
Other examples of agreements are more colorful – TikToker @lillian_heinze I shared one decorated with pink highlighter and hearts.
Clauses include serious promises, like “never giving up on each other,” and more lighthearted expectations, like “posting” each other on social media.
Elsewhere, @user165237580 She shared a clip of her boyfriend signing one ‘because they’re locked up for life.’
While most seem fun and playful by nature, influencers… @loulourange She recently shared a video explaining how she and her boyfriend only have one month out of the year to be apart.
“We’re not allowed to discuss whether we plan to renew before May, but I can always say that my boyfriend says ‘yes’ when he suddenly starts doing the dishes every April (very transparently trying to secure my ‘yes’),” she wrote as a caption.
In the video, she talks about the different commitments that couples make throughout the year, such as weddings, birthdays and anniversaries, and how difficult it can be to break away from them.
Instead, the couple has a “break-up window” in which they can decide to call things off, if they choose, when their lease is up for renewal.
While it’s unclear whether the TikToker is completely serious, it’s a theme that has resonated with her followers.
“This is clever,” one follower wrote. While another said: “I don’t know if this would make me feel safe, trapped, or anxious because my partner is forcing themselves to stay with me when they’re actually not happy.”
While another commented: “I could never see my relationship as a business contract.”
Aside from being an extremely formal way for a couple to communicate, writing a contract can lead to other problems, sex and relationship therapist Kivits riano told FEMAIL.
Handwritten ‘love contracts’ are being used to show Gen Z couples’ commitment to each other
Married couples like Hunter and Devin of @thecordlefamily also shared their story of how a “relationship contract” helped keep their relationship on track.
The American couple promised “God first, you second” in a handwritten contract dating back to high school.
“The problem here is that there is a risk that the couple will use the love contract against each other if things do not go as planned, which promotes rigidity and guilt in the relationship,” she explained.
Rhian also felt that the concept of a “love contract” lacks maturity as it leaves little room for flexibility.
“Never getting bored of each other is also a useless clause in the contract,” the expert added.
‘When a couple is committed to their relationship, they tend to work on their connection and take steps to ensure things don’t stagnate.
“But the promise made in this love contract does not take into account the way our feelings and aspirations may evolve over time. It seems to lack flexibility and maturity.”
Rhian also had doubts about couples agreeing to be faithful to each other through a contract.
‘Never cheating on each other could reflect the couple’s commitment to fidelity and loyalty,’ she explained.
‘But in practice, those who want to cheat are unlikely to be deterred because they have signed a handwritten paper.
We know that infidelity occurs in many marriages, so I don’t think the love contract provides real protection or security.
Rhian suggested it could even be a reaction to the spate of celebrity cheating scandals and high-profile breakups dominating headlines.
“They frown upon infidelity and other bad behavior in relationships, and want to have control over their own lives, experiences and reputations as a result of what they perceive online,” she said.
However, the expert is not completely opposed to the idea of a relationship contract, stating that its success lies in choosing realistic terms that do not dictate behavior.
“The idea of a relationship contract is not new. In fact, in therapy, I often talk to couples about their contract, because every relationship is a contract, whether it is tacitly expressed or more explicitly acknowledged,” she continued.
‘When the contract is explicitly discussed, it means that we are aware of each other’s desires, boundaries, and expectations, and therefore we are aware of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable within the relationship.
‘Commitments like choosing honesty, kindness, taking time to nurture the relationship, exploring new things together, developing healthy communication, listening to each other, solving problems together, and choosing to grow together are healthier.’
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