A woman has sparked controversy after claiming that her partner owes her money for the ’emotional work’ of remembering special occasions, such as birthdays, that she performs in their relationship.
The anonymous poster focused on parenting in the United Kingdom. Momsnet to express that you want a “financial contribution” to “take care of all the planning” when it comes to big events like organizing vacations or remembering appointments.
Explaining that her partner thinks she’s “being dramatic” when she refers to it as “work,” the author added, “I think the mental load deserves recognition…He refuses to share the load.”
In a later post, the disgruntled woman said she and her partner were not married and have no children together.
While some people on the platform were sympathetic, few believed she was right to ask for cash, suggesting instead that she should just “stop doing” all the planning.
An anonymous woman argued that she deserved payment for the “emotional labor” that corresponds to her (file image)
One person commented: ‘Stop doing it. I don’t think you can ask for payment, but he should do his part.
“If you don’t go on vacation or celebrate your family’s birthdays, you’ll either learn or it just won’t happen.” Win for you either way.
Others, however, were critical of the woman and even took the opportunity to criticize their relationship.
One person wrote: ‘They should work as a team, not pay each other. It seems like a very strange situation.
Another user agreed, calling the woman unreasonable for expecting her partner to pay her to “remember birthdays and book vacations.”
The same person said: “You are a partnership and a family, not your personal assistant.”
In a similar comment, a fourth person wrote: ‘This doesn’t sound like a relationship or partnership?!
‘If you want payment, formally become his personal assistant. Or here’s a novel idea, talk to your partner and if he refuses to change then stop doing it?
She explained that she does “all the planning” and is “considering asking for a financial contribution” from her partner in a post on Mumsnet.
Mumsnet users were not sympathetic and took the opportunity to criticize the woman’s relationship.
“Asking for payment is simply becoming your personal assistant and not your partner.”
A fifth offered their advice: ‘Just get a shared calendar app for birthdays, enter it once and click repeat.’
Don’t make appointments for a grown man who is perfectly capable of making them himself.
“Ask for help booking vacations or use a travel agent.”
They continued: “The mental load is difficult, but unless there are children involved (who would suffer if you stopped categorizing things for them) there’s really no reason to do it.”
Some, however, offered practical solutions, with one person agreeing that the woman was right to ask for payment for “emotional labor.”
Someone else scoffed: ‘Do you want to get paid to be a martyr?’
However, others offered more practical solutions, suggesting that the problem was a lack of communication between the two parties.
“I think you need to sit down, with a detailed list of the mental load you care about, and let him choose 50 percent to own,” said a seventh user.
However, very few users seemed to fully empathize with the woman’s situation or agree that financial compensation was the answer.
One person came to her defense, writing: ‘I don’t believe half of these answers! Women always complain about carrying a mental load.
“A woman comes in with a solution and everyone says, ‘Oh, it’s not that bad.'”