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Capri, Florence or Rome for some off-season Italian swagger. Sweden or Denmark for a touch of Scandinavian elegance, perhaps.
Or maybe a little sun in South Africa or a remote adventure in Vietnam. Where you go on vacation can say a lot about who you are as a person.
Which brings us to Keir Starmer and his choice of Madeira.
The remote Portuguese island in the Atlantic has plenty of charm, but it doesn’t exactly get your vacation pulse racing. The Christmas election of the prime minister could tell us something that deep down we already know: he is, perhaps, a little boring.
Below, we take a look at what your choice of vacation destination reveals about your personality.
CORNWALL
WHO GOES THERE: David Cameron, Gordon Ramsay
Gordon Ramsay poses with his bike at his £4 million Cornish home
He likes to think he’s down to earth and carry the salty smell of rock ponds. But you’re actually…dare we say? – a bit snobbish, as the idea of a Mediterranean holiday with guaranteed sun is a bit far-fetched for summer. However, behind all that excellent back-to-basics idealism, there’s probably a babysitter in tow, and you’re renting an architect-designed vacation home (with a hot tub) that costs a lot more than a Jet2 package to the Costa del Sol. Sol. or you own a seafront mansion worth several million pounds.
BALI
WHO’S GOING THERE: Brad Pitt, Mick Jagger, Nicole Kidman, Cameron Diaz, Taylor Swift
You have a wardrobe full of fluid, unstructured linen and you talk about yourself in the third person (free spirit, social butterfly, inner goddess, you get the idea).
That’s why you choose Bali: you know it will change your life. And even if it’s not, you won’t tell anyone otherwise.
You love to be pampered, but enjoy it with a new-age justification: tinkle your crystals and roll out your yoga mat at any opportunity to release the healing vibrations. Your idea of heaven is mojitos at sunset. And, in the grim reality of winter in the UK, you can be found playing tropical house beats to lift your spirits.
Or have a coconut water and berry smoothie at your desk.
ABERSOCH, NORTH WALES
WHO’S GOING THERE: Wayne and Coleen Rooney, Kyle Walker and his on-again, off-again wife
Named Cheshire-on-sea, you’re drawn to this chic corner of the Llyn Peninsula because you love the saltiness of your husband’s wetsuit and a dose of rustic scenery.
He likes the community (even if it is in the form of a luxury static campsite, with a spa and a parking lot full of Range Rovers) and sitting on the balcony of his elegant caravan, in jean shorts and an expensive fleece, taking care of his children ( one called Infinity ) master rowing.
SWISS ALPS IN SUMMER
WHO GOES THERE: Teresa May
Theresa May walks through a forest with her husband Philip during a summer holiday in the Alps
Stunning alpine landscapes, sparkling lakes, clean air… you appreciate peace and connection with nature.
You don’t need fancy entertainment. You’re team Theresa when it comes to mischief: running or marching in long, scratchy socks through the nearest field. On the other hand, you value punctuality, efficiency, and cleanliness (you probably keep your map in a plastic folder).
TUSCANY
WHO GOES THERE: Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts
You are great and complicated. This way you will enjoy a holiday where you can relax on a rented farm drinking Chianti and enjoying the view. This is because you consider yourself a deep thinker and like to record snippets of brilliant observations in a notebook you bought at WHSmith in Gatwick.
You have a selection of sunrise yoga apps and fool yourself into thinking that one day you will write your novel here again.
MALDIVES
WHO GOES THERE: Paris Hilton, Cristiano Ronaldo
Paris Hilton relaxes by the ocean on a trip to the Maldives
You are a dreamer, one who believes that paradise must be seen to be enjoyed.
All you want to do is relax with your own tanned skin, oversized sunglasses on your nose, and the latest from Jodi Picoult always within reach.
Honestly, though, you don’t want to be that far away from the world, as all those snow-white beaches rack up plenty of likes on Instagram.
DUBAI
WHO’S GOING THERE: Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato
She’s worked hard for her money and wants sun, lots of energy and a place to enjoy the sparkly designer bikini she bought at the end of the Selfridges sale. You don’t care about authenticity, since all that imported sand is as fake as the tip of a WAG.
MIAMI
WHO GOES THERE: Beyoncé, Madonna, Tom Cruise
Turn up the volume, because you are someone who wants all five senses to feel completely alive.
Chances are you have a stash of canned and prepared cocktails at home. You love, you love! –bling, drama, noise and indulge your inner celebrity by wearing sunglasses even when the weather is bad and you’re only going to Sainsburys.
Life, you tell anyone who will listen, is for living.
SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS
WHO GOES THERE: Kate Winslet, Richard Branson
Since Paul McCartney retired to the Mull of Kintyre after the Beatles broke up, he has been drawn to the Highlands as a place to retreat and recharge. You don’t mind having a wet red nose or frizzy hair: an antidote to the social mores and sartorial restrictions of your real life. It is a dream to shake off commercialism, connect with yourself and disconnect from WhatsApp.
SOUTH OF FRANCE
WHO GOES THERE: Brooklyn Beckham, Kate Moss, Leonardo DiCaprio
Kate Moss enjoys an ice cream while on holiday in Saint-Paul-de-Vence, near Nice
Although you want a beach vacation, you are well above the average sun seeker. Dodging the lobster-pink Brits in Torremolinos in search of a place to wander through small villages, before returning to your charming but poorly air-conditioned rural holiday rental to make baguettes and mozzarella wheels by the pool. You love going native, dusting off your sixth-grade French to try to align yourself with the locals.
ROME
WHO GOES THERE: George and Amal Clooney, Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts
Busy, busy, busy: you fly from work meetings to the gym, from parents’ evening to the book club. Then complain that there isn’t enough time in the day, before grabbing a super quick drink with the Pilates girls.
But it’s okay because you’re a monster if you don’t do anything, so you choose a getaway to a city like Rome. You are a skilled negotiator and offer bribes of ice cream or pizza to grumpy members of your group so you can see the real Colosseum.
AND FINALLY… MADEIRA
WHO GOES THERE: Keir Starmer
It is very easy for you to book a trip to Madeira since you have already done it before. Many times.
Frankly, you’re not the adventurous type. Since there is not much to see or do. Keir Starmer’s mischievous tail jump on the sleigh was the most exciting thing to happen in Madeira in years.
But that doesn’t bother him: he celebrates the routine, he accepts the boring tranquility of returning to the same hotel year after year.