A doctor who took his own life left a heartbreaking suicide note saying he had “run out of gas” and warning of the immense pressure doctors are under.
Dr. Will West was in the third year of his ophthalmology training at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences in Washington, DC.
His suicide at the age of 33 devastated his friends and family, as well as those with whom he worked.
The devoted doctor, nicknamed “Iron Will” for his determination, said it was not a single event that led to his death, but highlighted the immense pressure of his residence that his family said prevented him from seeking help.
‘To those who will be negatively affected by my actions, I am truly sorry. I have simply run out of gas and have nothing left to give,” West wrote in the note obtained by the Washington Post.
Dr Will West, who took his own life, left a heartbreaking suicide note saying he had “run out of gas” and warning of the immense pressure doctors are under.
‘I apologize because this is the best I can do to say goodbye. Many of you deserve better, but you can’t talk much about this sort of thing in advance, so a note will suffice.’
In the days before his suicide, West, of Sandy, Utah, communicated with his younger brother David and appeared to be checking on his other siblings to make sure they were okay after his death, his brother said.
David, who is also finishing his medical studies, explained that the grueling residency conditions, which often include 80-hour work weeks for relatively low pay, can take a huge toll on students’ mental health.
But worse than this, doctors are often afraid to speak out in case it hurts their career prospects, David said.
Doctors must disclose mental health treatment when applying for certain jobs.
West had been diagnosed with ADHD and depression, but did not seek help at the hospital despite seeking treatment while in Utah for fear of professional repercussions, his brother said.
“Imperfection is not allowed,” David explained. ‘Nor is weakness. When it is there, it is treated with disdain instead of being an opportunity to learn and grow.”
West, pictured with his ex-girlfriend, was in the third year of his ophthalmology training at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences in Washington, DC.
His suicide at the age of 33 devastated his friends and family, as well as those with whom he worked.
This was something West alluded to in his suicide note.
“To those in a position of authority over residents, a simple reminder that we come to you for the possibility of a better life,” he wrote. ‘Some of us have challenges we don’t see or backgrounds we aren’t aware of.
“I hope that an effort can be made to understand, support and guide residents rather than simply evaluating and pushing them toward their full potential as physicians.”
But he also issued a stern warning specifically to his employers.
“To be clear, there are other people at real risk here at GW,” West added. ‘There are other residents right now fighting a true life and death battle, one that is being fought both inside and outside the clinic/hospital.
“Often that battle can lead to symptoms that look an awful lot like laziness, lack of motivation, or wasted intelligence, all unforgivable sins in our profession.”
In his obituary, West’s family described his death as “unimaginably heartbreaking” as they paid tribute to their beloved son, brother and uncle.
“He was a very funny spirit and could always make us laugh, he loved to have fun and always had a mischievous glint in his eye,” the obituary reads. “He was always willing to have adventures in his own way.”
West was nicknamed “Iron Will” for his steely determination, which was evident even as a child.
But his suicide note details the immense pressure at work, as well as his belief that accessing mental health resources would ultimately harm his career.
In lieu of flowers, the family asked for donations to Dr. Lorna Breene’s Heroes Foundation, which aims to support the mental health and well-being of medical workers.
The charity was founded in honor of the doctor of the same name, Dr Breene, who took her own life after undergoing psychiatric treatment during the Covid-19 pandemic.
His brother-in-law said he feared that accessing treatment would mean his medical license would be revoked.
‘You are faced with the decision to jeopardize your future career, which is often your mission in life: to care for others and use your talents to do so, while caring for yourself in the way you know you should. “said Stefanie Simmons, the organization’s medical director.
In a statement, the hospital said the safety of all its students and staff “is the university’s top priority.”
“At GW, like other medical training programs, we recognize that the residency experience can be personally challenging and that residents may need professional support for their well-being,” the statement said.
West is remembered as a caring “funny spirit” who always made his loved ones laugh.
West’s empty corner desk is adorned with floral tributes and his hospital jacket.
‘The university is aware of and strives to eliminate the culturally embedded stigma that has long interfered with physicians’ willingness to seek help for sometimes life-threatening mental illnesses.
“The GW School of Medicine and Health Sciences (SMHS) offers resources to support the physical, emotional/mental health, and overall well-being of residents, including confidential counseling at no cost.”
But three months after West’s death, his colleagues held a rally to demand a mental health stipend and better hours and pay.
Many said they identified with Will’s struggle, but had encountered barriers to accessing help at the hospital.
While the university claims it is doing everything it can, the empty corner desk once occupied by West and now adorned with floral tributes is a poignant reminder of how desperate the situation can become.
If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
