Not arguing with your partner and having an authoritarian mother-in-law or father-in-law are two signs that your marriage may be destined for failure, warned a leading couples counselor.
Dr. Nicole LePera, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia, listed relationship characteristics as part of eight behavioral patterns she sees in couples who “don’t make it.”
LePera, also known as @the.holistic.psychologisttold her million X followers that the first sign that a relationship may end is an extended family that is “too involved.”
Recalling scenarios from previous clients, he said that sharing private problems with family members can can leave one of the partners lacking confidence.
This creates unnecessary friction in the relationship, he said.
Next on the list of relationship-breaking habits is assuming the worst. ‘They assumed their partner’s intentions were malicious or negative. “Instead of being curious, they were accusatory,” he said.
Your next red flag will be good news for couples in a passionate relationship who are prone to having a lover’s quarrel.
Many of Dr. LePera’s couples who separated “never fought,” she said.
Dr. Nicole LePera, (pictured) a Philadelphia clinical psychologist, listed the actions she saw destroy relationships in a post on X.
Recalling past client scenarios, Dr. LePera said sharing private relationship issues with family members can cause family members to become “overly involved.”
‘This was usually because one of the partners was avoiding or suppressing their problems. When one partner finally reached a boiling point, the other would become confused because they apparently never disagreed.
Another warning sign is that one person in the couple “pressures” the other to make changes in their life.
This can make the couple feel like each other’s “project” and lead to resentment.
He noted that often the other person in the relationship has no interest in changing and this behavior can only make things worse.
Having unrealistic expectations of a “fairy tale-like” relationship can cause relationships to go downhill too.
Dr. LePera explained that people with an idealized view of what a relationship should be often struggle with maturity and the idea that life can be “difficult or boring.”
Holding on to the little things and not knowing when to forgive can also ruin a relationship.
Recalling previous clients, he said: ‘They had low tolerance for frustration and rigid ways of interacting.
“Without discernment to know when to let go of a topic and when to focus on it, they became very critical and draining on each other.”
Focusing on “optics,” such as how the relationship looks from the outside to friends, family, or even on social media, is another trait that can ruin your love life.
Instead, a relationship should focus on how you feel about each other, Dr. LePera emphasizes.
Finally, not knowing how to move on from a fight or apologize is another trait Dr. LePera has observed in unhealthy relationships.
She said: ‘In relationships we will hurt people and people will hurt us. Making amends is the act of apologizing, listening (even when it’s difficult), and promising to do better. Instead of reparation, there was defensiveness and deflection.’
Followers praised Dr. LePera for her revealing post, while others admitted to seeing the same traits in their own relationships.
The psychologist, who has 9 million followers on Instagram, had already spoken openly about his polygamous relationship with his wife Lolly and another woman.