1- They are completely unfazed by your tears or overwhelmed in an argument. They keep going to you, you might even beg them to stop and just give you a hug, falling on deaf ears. While the motherfucker keeps ranting.
2- The tinge of happiness.. if you did something they consider ‘wrong’ they seem a little excited at the thought of how much fun they will have getting the relationship back on track. Tit for tat wasn’t even cool in grade school.
3- Who they turn to. When things go bad they turn to your friends and family for support, it’s not their own support they seek but yours. Like telling your mom about your abortion, thinking it has weight. Obviously I didn’t read the room because between you and your mom you broke down an entire football team and you’re okay with it.
4- You hesitate to answer a question in case it is a setup.
You feel like you are constantly being set up, someone is waiting to catch you. You find yourself wondering ‘where is this going?’ When a random set of questions begins.
5- Every little change of plans causes a headache or worse. Spontaneity is out the window because they will use any change in your plans as an excuse to get mad at you and accuse you of cheating.
6- They seem to want to be angry. Any excuse is enough to create and maintain disharmony in the relationship, often they are looking for validation for the unacknowledged depression they feel.
7- The silent treatment. They love it. They can sleep on it, work on it, enjoy it for weeks. And the silent treatment is not completely silent, oh no they will not give you the satisfaction of being able to call them out on it. They will answer yes or no questions and coldly tell you that they are not angry. It’s more of a silent grumbler and anyone who’s lived with it will do everything they can to avoid it, by not upsetting the bastard so the bastard always gets what he wants.
8- Really harsh words have no effect on you anymore. It’s normalized, you take it on the chin and get over it quickly.
9- They love to repeat the argument, they go over every word you have said in texts or conversations. It’s like sitting down for a quick summer or brainwashing session of what just happened and why it’s your fault.
10- You find yourself lying, little lies that become bigger lies, all to avoid triggering the asshole and somewhere along the way you got more stressed about being caught lying than being lied to, something you don’t recognize.
11-You find yourself trying to think of something to say interesting enough to get their attention or get them off their phone on a date night.
12- You have created a fictional character with kinder intentions to explain the actions of the bastards to your friends and family. (Except your best friend who knows how fucked he is and politely waits for the day you leave so she can demolish him in public).
13- Your mutual friend group is getting smaller and smaller because your partner is constantly falling out with the people you enjoy spending time with.
14- instead of ‘thanks for understanding’ You find yourself saying ‘what just happened?’ After a disagreement. In fact, you say “wtf” quite often. You even find yourself looking up at the sky, waiting for the director of the Truman show to pop out of a cloud and explain that this whole relationship is actually a reality TV show titled “how much will she take” .
15- there is always an excuse for their double standards. The excuse could be so far-fetched, “I had to fuck your friend because a doctor told me you fucked mine in a past life,” but they know that the general public hasn’t been so quick to destroy their boot camp confidence so quickly. lavish excuses they will generally ask you to confirm that you keep those between the two of you.
16- They deflect their personality to the outside world and believe that everyone also has bad intentions. They pass it off as being ‘too smart to trust people’, but real assholes don’t think they are assholes, so they have to assume everyone else is asshole deep down or their world will come crashing down.
17- They store things in their phone or computer, incriminating or embarrassing things about people to strengthen their control. They confuse relationships with lawsuits and spend their time collecting collateral.
18- They don’t let your dog out and your dog is fine with that.
19- An argument is never about the little thing it started about. They’ll do everything they can to keep it running, cross every line you’ve ever drawn, and then tell you that you “really crossed a line this time.”
20- They obsess over and find ways to bring up your sexual history. Like one of my really cool ex’s who knew I fucked a cop once and would get “funny” (triggered) when we drove past a cop with “quick Con run a red light, you might be lucky” as he boiled red through his laughter.
Source: Constance room
