The 15 rules you need to know before your cleaner comes… because she really DOES judge you

Over the past 16 years, my husband and son have come to dread Tuesday nights. It’s when I run around our four-bedroom house in the Home Counties, with a vacuum cleaner and a duster, shouting: “She’ll be here in the morning.”

‘She’ is not the Queen or Princess of Wales, but our cleaning lady. I love her very much, but I can’t stand the thought of her seeing my house for a tip.

Although my husband thinks it’s ridiculous, I’ve talked to other friends who have housekeepers and they all agree that they can’t stand the shame of being considered “careless.” And it’s also a hot topic of debate on Mumsnet, where women have been asking exactly what you should do and whether your cleaner will judge you if you don’t.

According to Katrina, the cleaning lady in question, your cleaner actually judges you by the state of your house and expects some tasks to be done in her absence.

She says: “I hate wasting time sorting through piles of children’s toys or moving dirty laundry when I could be cleaning places a client shouldn’t have to, like baseboards and lampshades.” But my friends and I agree that it’s often still difficult to know what you should clean and what is acceptable to ask your cleaner to do.

So I asked Katrina to explain what your cleaner expects from you. Here are your 15 golden rules…

Sort children’s toys.

I have no problem tidying up some toys, but you wouldn’t believe the mess I have to deal with in some homes. After the summer vacation, I visited a client. Their kitchen is 20 feet long by 16 feet wide and there were crafts everywhere. They had covered every surface. You couldn’t see the dining room table. It took me half an hour to clean it before I could get to the normal things, like the crumbs from the toaster. So I couldn’t fix her eighth bathroom because I had wasted time cleaning glitter. It’s a waste of my time and your money.

Pick up dirty clothes

I’m not a maid. I don’t want to see dirty underwear or smelly socks on the floor. Laundry hampers exist for a reason and it’s not difficult to put them in their place. I get that teenagers aren’t good at it, but adults should know better. I can’t enter a client’s laundry room because there are dirty clothes on the floor. This is not an isolated event: there are piles of dirty laundry every week. I bought her two large boxes for her whites and darks, but I still have to go through piles of dirty clothes.

Clean your shower after each use

I can always tell which clients don’t clean their showers between my weekly visits. A woman has a husband and four children, and they all use it. I try to descale it once a week but it’s falling apart and they wonder why. I can’t do much each week. People need to take two minutes to spray the shower every time they use it with a daily sprayer that you can leave on or rinse off; preferably use a limescale remover that eliminates unsightly water marks that accumulate on the shower screen.

Eliminate sanitary products and diapers.

Over the years, I have found used feminine products scattered throughout bedrooms and bathrooms. I suggest that if you know the cleaner is coming, you put the sanitary products in a diaper bag and throw them in the bathroom trash can. The same goes for dirty baby diapers. If you have time, empty this particular container yourself, but as long as the sanitary products are in a bag, I think most cleaners would be able to empty the container.

Do basic home maintenance.

I am constantly amazed at how many beautiful homes I am asked to start cleaning are riddled with mold and limescale, especially in the bathrooms. Your kitchen counters will be spotless, but mold is growing in the bathroom. In some cases, the mold around the tub is black, which tells me that no one has bothered to clean it in years. It’s like they don’t realize.

These things need regular maintenance which I can’t do during a weekly visit, so spray the surfaces regularly to prevent mould, buy a limescale remover and do a deep clean every now and then.

A customer has a hand shower, but the hose is so corroded that water runs everywhere. I keep telling him to replace the hose. He even has a new hose, but he never gets around to changing it.

Leave spills on countertops and dirty pans.

I absolutely hope to clean the kitchen surfaces; I’m proud of it. That includes crumbs and spills, like sticky jam and stray cornflakes.

I’m also happy to wash pans and other “hand wash only” items, but leave them next to the sink, not in it, in a bunch of cold, foamy water that I have to deal with.

Turn on the dishwasher

If you leave everyday dirty dishes and cutlery on the side to pile up and have to load them into the dishwasher, it’s a waste of time, especially if I also empty it first. I could have spent that time cleaning cobwebs in your guest room. It’s up to you how you want your cleaner to spend his time, but will he ever clean up cobwebs?

Don’t leave stained sheets

I’m happy to make the beds and if anyone asks me, I’ll happily change the sheets. I also have some very elderly clients and others who have small children and of course I accept that accidents happen. But some of the beds I had to change are amazing, so consider the condition of your sheets and mattresses before asking your cleaning lady to change your bed.

I once pulled back a duvet and found a towel that was dirty and covered in stains. When I lifted the towel, more marks were left on the sheet, the mattress protector, and even the mattress itself.

I’m still completely horrified by it.

Clean your kitchen sink

It never ceases to amaze me how many people throw the food off their plates into the sink instead of the trash can and let it freeze for a week. A client’s drain smells like a slaughterhouse because they use raw dog food and what’s left is thrown down the drain. I’ve tried all the cleaning products to get rid of the smell, but it won’t go away.

If you don’t want anyone to see it, save it.

I don’t go into people’s drawers or closets: they are private. Contrary to what many people think about cleaners, I just don’t have time to snoop around.

But in the past, customers left pornographic pictures and sex toys visible, and I really don’t want to see that stuff.

Cameras don’t bother me

There is some controversy about having security cameras on inside your home when a cleaner arrives. I have no problem with them; Nowadays, I accept that people care about security and I have nothing to hide. Although I can only speak for myself on this case.

Clean tissues and nail clippings

This should be obvious, but don’t leave dirty tissues that pose a health risk all over the floor. The same goes for things that are just gross: a couple used to cut their toenails and leave them in a small pile on the coffee table for me to clean. Because?

Clean up after your pets

The number of times I’ve been asked to clean up dog poop or clean carpets because a dog is in season. You may be a cleaner, but they are your pets and you are responsible for taking care of them. I look at some dogs’ bowls and see foam on the surface of the water. Then there is the old, frozen dog food around the sides of their bowls since they are not cleaned regularly. Also, it is very sad when pet baskets stink and are covered in hair since they have never been washed. I’ll wash the bowls, but if you don’t keep your dog’s bed clean, it reflects poorly on you as an owner.

Don’t ask your cleaner to clean something you really need a technician to do.

I am a cleaner, not a window cleaner, oven cleaner or carpet cleaner. If you want those things done, do them yourself or go online and find a company that provides those services and pay. There are exceptions: I’ll make a window near a sink, because once I’ve cleaned the sink, I’ll look at the window and think, ‘It’s splashed, I want it to look nice.’ But I try not to hurt my back. I once cleaned someone’s chimney and before I knew it, the customer had bought me the entire kit and expected me to do it every week. I felt like saying, ‘Do I look like a chimney sweep?’

Check your bathrooms

Obviously, it’s part of my job to clean the bathrooms, but think about what you’re leaving for your cleaner to find. A very wealthy couple we worked for lived in London during the week and only came to their country house at the weekends. Most weeks I would open the toilet seat and discover that they had left me a “gift” that they hadn’t bothered to throw away.

Other customers leave skid marks on the cup and urine on the seat. Boys are the worst for this. But how hard can it be to throw away a little cleaning product or bleach every day?