Most of us are guilty of saying horrible things we don’t mean when we fight with our partners.
But now, psychologists have warned that the hurtful words a partner throws out in a moment of anger may indicate the presence of an unpleasant personality trait.
According to experts, there are three phrases used during a conflict that are telltale signs of a narcissistic personality.
This personality type exhibits qualities that include thinking highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing that others are inferior, and lacking empathy for others.
Partners of people with narcissistic traits are said to be at higher risk of developing mental health problems as a result of their emotionally abusive relationship.
Christian Bale’s portrayal of serial killer and Wall Street banker Patrick Bateman is a prime example of a narcissistic personality.
Erin Leonard, an Indiana-based psychotherapist, says those who often hear these “seemingly innocent” statements from their partners may want to “think about an exit strategy.”
“Bringing a problem to a narcissistic partner can be painful,” he wrote for Psychology Today. “It seems to start an ugly battle that rarely turns out to be fruitful.”
Three common phases they use during interaction may “seem innocent,” but are actually “extremely manipulative,” he added.
First of all, be careful with: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“Instead of the partner putting themselves in your shoes to try to understand how you feel, they immediately reject your feelings and label them as ‘yours,'” she wrote.
Leonard describes the phrase as an “unemphatic” statement: “They don’t care about trying to understand how you feel or where you’re coming from.”
In more recent times, Jacob Elordi’s role as high school student and abusive boyfriend Nate Jacobs has offered examples of narcissistic behavior.
More empathetic responses would include responses like “I’m not sure why you’re upset, but I want to understand” or any other statement that “honors your feelings even if your partner doesn’t agree with the perspective.”
The second red flag is if your partner immediately blames you for the conflict, citing your “anger issues.”
‘Being unfairly attacked when you’re not the one who made the mistake can be infuriating. It’s natural to get angry in this situation. However, the narcissist often takes advantage of this and accuses you of being “out of control.” Actually, it may be the person who is angry.’
Lastly, note the phrase “you blew it.” “It may be a narcissistic partner’s attempt to inflict guilt.” They may also refuse to talk to you or act as if they are “deathly wounded.”
“Either way, they’re communicating to you that you can’t confront them or express a feeling in the relationship that they don’t like,” she said.
Leonard says when faced with answers like this, keep in mind that talking about relationship issues is necessary to maintain trust and closeness.
“If you are punished for trying to solve a problem, it may be your partner who is not able to resolve the conflict.”