Dear Dee,
First of all, I’m wondering how you are. I can’t imagine what it has been like for you to have so much darkness in your private life exposed publicly. That so many people express repulsion at the name of the person you love most in the world.
At this point, the four corners of the planet know what her fiancé, the father of her children, her life partner, did. And I’m not just talking about the depravity and violence shown towards Nikita Hand. We can get into the details of that later.
No… I mean what he did to you, Dee. His utter contempt and lack of respect for you, the mother of his children, his rock, the supposed love of his life.
As the world realizes what kind of man your partner is, I wonder what you know. What is your truth?
Because while your statements on social media this week allude to how much you love and believe in your violent fiancé, and how you’ve both moved on from his shocking transgressions, I don’t quite believe it. Something else is going on, Dee. There has to be.
You are a woman. You are a mother. You are a human being who fell in love with a man so many years ago. One dedicated and bombastic, but built from nothing to become a global sporting icon.
It must have been intoxicating to be a part of, and I imagine difficult at times too. But you stayed by his side loyally as he went from plumber to track champion.
He promised you the world and, for the most part, he delivered, in the form of wealth beyond your wildest dreams and, of course, the family you created together.
But as impressive as his career achievements have been, we have seen his violence seep from the ring into the public sphere; That toxic masculinity that he proudly displays has always been there and, for so long, we have given it space.
This photo of Conor McGregor’s fiancée Dee Devlin looking drawn and distraught after leaving the courthouse together went viral.
Nikita Hand (centre), the woman who brought the civil case against McGregor, in which he was found responsible for assaulting her in a Dublin hotel in 2018.
His violent outbursts, his online rants, a previous physical assault for which he was convicted, and at least one previous allegation of assault, are all excused as part of his “notorious” personality.
Like infamous influencer Andrew Tate, who is also accused of rape and also faces sex trafficking charges in Romania, her brutal fiancé faces an antagonistic masculinity, a vulgar materialism to aspire to and that endorses dominance over women. And as the world has now seen, these are not just fighting words. Now we know exactly what McGregor is capable of: this man who once referred to himself as “the double champion who does whatever the fuck he wants.”
You either love it or hate it. And we know you love him.
It says a lot, Dee, when a disgraceful man like Tate is on your side, spewing rhetoric about how it’s “impossible to be a man in a Western world” – expertly gaslighting like so many toxic men do, shaming women like victims and making the aggressors turn out to be the harmed.
We watched as McGregor said similar things in the courtroom recently, pitifully seeking sympathy as he explained that he was “beyond petrified” when he heard he was accused of rape.
This is the same man who inflicted a “multiplicity” of injuries with “vigorous, athletic sex” (a term I’ve heard so many times over the past few weeks and it still makes my stomach turn).
The same man who lost his appearance of composure with a disparaging comment about his accuser said it with such aggression that it drew gasps from spectators in the courtroom and from the jury.
But of course, Dee… you already know that. You can’t live with this narcissist and not see that sinister flash, when the double champion’s ego is threatened and he doesn’t get his way.
Devlin and McGregor met in a nightclub when they were teenagers and the mixed martial arts fighter says she “stuck with me when I pretty much had absolutely nothing.”
I can’t imagine what it’s like to live with that. So I’m wondering if this distortion of your reality is something you’ve conditioned yourself to.
And you can tell me to stay out of your business, but the truth is that your words have hurt. They have done a disservice to women all over this country (no, all over the world).
I have no doubt that you are hurt. I would be too.
There was nothing but misery written on your face when you walked out of the courtroom last month, clutching your man’s hand.
The same hands that brutally beat a woman while he cheated on you in the most deplorable way. You looked absolutely devastated and absolutely humiliated. Of course you did.
But you directed all that pain, all that anger, not at the man who betrayed you so cruelly.
No, you put all the blame for this whole disgusting mess on the one woman who has done what many of us, including me, had only dreamed of doing.
Against all odds, facing a powerful man, who raped her without her consent and treated her like a piece of meat.
What you did, Dee, was allude to the belief that because a woman was texting provocative images to “another woman’s man with a family and a child on the way,” she deserved to be raped. He then went further to suggest that because this woman was “out of his sight,” she was essentially sitting ducks.
The judgment in their language was so regressive and depressing, indicative of a rape culture that I truly believed we were moving away from. How can you justify such abhorrence, at the hands of the person with whom you share a life, a family?
I have daughters, Dee. You have one too. What if, God forbid, in the years to come, one of my daughters came home, battered, bruised and hurt, telling me that I had said no? I can’t imagine my anger. As a mother, can you?
As a general rule, consensual sex doesn’t leave a woman looking like she’s been in the ring with, well, her partner.
Conor McGregor and his fiancée Dee Devlin have been together for 15 years, but they are not married yet
And the piece de resistance? The terrifying prescience of carrying this twisted mentality into the next generation.
Telling us that you will warn your children that there are women like Nikita Hand in the world.
It would be easy, Dee, given the outrage this case has caused and all the issues it has raised (of consent, misogyny, toxic masculinity) to express some of that anger against you.
But as the tide turns against the McGregor empire, brands fold, and your fanbase cowers in horror at this monstrous man, you decide to stay. And I’m not convinced the reasoning is as simplistic as you love a luxurious lifestyle.
Of course, you might still love him, although how you could ever look him in the face again after the way he’s treated you, the way he treats women, is beyond me. But matters of the heart are complex and we may never, as human beings, truly understand why we love the way we do. Denial also comes in countless forms, and truly processing this horror can be too much to handle.
A big consideration is your children. Nobody wants to break up a family. As a mother, it is the most difficult decision you will have to make in your life. Believe me, Dee, I’ve done it. And the father of my children is a good and honorable man, who would never dream of inflicting the type of violence that his partner has demonstrated.
Dee Devlin and Conor McGregor outside the High Court in Dublin holding hands last month.
But your children are watching and learning. So I would ask you this: please change the narrative. In fact, tell them that women like Nikita exist and that they are strong, brave and brilliant.
You have to respect them and listen to them. They should not be abused or denigrated. They are to be honored, appreciated and kept safe.
Please do your best to raise decent and empathetic children, who believe that they are equal to their sister, and the girls and women around them. And why? Because that’s how the most important woman in their lives taught them: their mother.
Dee, the future is in our hands. And as a mother of sons, you have the opportunity to help shape a better world for our daughters. Every journey begins with a single step, and I pray that you choose your direction wisely.
Lisa