Not an alcoholic but still likes to get drunk? Here’s the real impact Wine O’Clock has on your kids

ABBA is playing on the stereo downstairs. When Mamma Mia comes on, I groan and roll my eyes in time to the tune: “Here I go again.”

It’s Friday night and with Dad out of town, Mum has invited some friends over. As usual, the gin and tonics started flowing at 7pm before the group of six stopped for a rosé. I’m in my room trying to relax, as I have to work the next day.

Fifteen minutes later, I hear a loud bang. I run downstairs and find my mother on the floor. It’s not the first time I’ve found her like this: she likes to dance on the coffee table after a few drinks, and more often than not, she falls down.

But this time he has a big cut on his arm and is bleeding all over the carpet. I’m the youngest person in the room by 25 years, but I’m the only sober one.

Mom’s friends are milling around, screaming and being useless. One is rummaging through the first aid drawer for a band-aid, which obviously isn’t going to help. I help Mom up, then grab a dish towel and make a makeshift bandage around her arm.

I decide to take her to the ER myself instead of waiting for an ambulance. There, I hear the triage nurse classify Mom’s injury as an “alcohol-related accident.” I blush with embarrassment. Mom is too drunk to care. After a five-hour wait, she is patched up and sent home.

The next day there were no pleas for regret, no remorse, no repercussions. Mom was not at all ashamed of what had happened. Through her rose-colored glasses, she told it like a funny story to tell. There was not even a thank you.

But when it comes to Mom’s drinking habits, I’ve been her adventure partner for years. If it wasn’t playing taxi driver when I was a teenager and my parents were too drunk to drive, then there were the Saturday mornings we’d spend “quietly for Mom” ​​after a night of drinking.

My experience has indelibly shaped my own relationship with alcohol, discouraging me from drinking to such an extent that, at the age of 23, I don’t drink at all.

I have only been really drunk once, when I was 15, after some (former) school friends convinced me to drink vodka with them. I hated it, the loss of control and the after-effects the next day were horrible. I never spoke to them again.

Before you jump to conclusions about whether my childhood was ruined by a drunken, out-of-control mother, let me just say that I don’t consider my mother an alcoholic. In fact, I’m sure many people would consider her drinking (a few drinks with my father at dinner, regular drinks with friends, a group trip to the pub every few weeks) to be completely normal.

No doubt most of my friends’ mothers are like her. They all drink more than the recommended 14 units of alcohol per week, but they don’t consider this to be something to worry about.

I attribute this to the fact that they are Gen X women, now between the ages of 44 and 60, who embraced wine time and grew up thinking it was justifiable (and, yes, cool) for Bridget Jones to drink Chardonnay and Carrie and her friends to drink Cosmopolitan.

A study found that 21 percent of women between 45 and 54 drink excessively, with inevitable results.

But a perhaps more surprising consequence is the impact it is having on their children.

I’m not the only person my age who has been put off by the idea of ​​drinking after witnessing the careless behaviour of our Gen X parents. It’s no surprise to me that another recent study found that 37 per cent of under-25s like me are avoiding alcohol altogether. I’m 23, single and the eldest of three children. I studied English literature but currently work as a nanny while I decide what I want to do with my life. My mother is a marketing executive for a housing group and my father works in sales in the automotive industry.

On the surface I’ve had a fantastic childhood and life, but things can (and do) go wrong when Mom has one (or two) too many drinks.

It’s a good thing I have experience working with kids, because sometimes I feel like I’m the babysitter for my mom and her friends. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve had to be the adult who has to pick up the pieces when there are alcohol-related incidents at home.

I had to take one of her friends home because she was so drunk she couldn’t open the door by herself with her keys. I put another one to sleep in my room; she was so drunk that I left a salad bowl next to her in case she threw up, while I slept on the couch.

Recently, I was even put on my mother’s car insurance because I am expected to be her unpaid taxi driver.

I was 12 when I first became aware of the connection between alcohol and Mom and Dad’s behavior, which I have witnessed at countless social events or evenings at home, either listening to them repeat the same stories or bursting into childish laughter.

Yes, they can be fun and impulsive when drunk, but they can also be volatile. For a start, they are much less tolerant of each other when the second bottle of wine has been opened. The running joke is that Mum would fight a wall when she had one too many Proseccos.

Alcohol has always been a staple in our home, it is part of our family structure. In our home it is perfectly normal for two shelves in the fridge to be reserved for expensive alcoholic drinks such as gin, vodka, rose wine and beer.

But far from being reserved for parties and birthdays, at home it was routinely opened whenever someone turned up. I even had to act as waitress for Mom and her friends!

Is it any wonder that drinking never appealed to me? Seeing how people change when they drink alcohol was what helped me, but on a personal level I am very conscious of my mental health and I don’t feel good when I drink.

I have never been to parties where alcohol is mandatory, and as I have gotten older I have started to seek out friends who are sober. It’s not that we are all teetotalers, but my best friend, for example, can go months without drinking alcohol.

There are plenty of bars serving quality non-alcoholic cocktails and craft sodas. We don’t experience the euphoria that other friends do, but we don’t have the tearful recriminations either.

Once, when I was a teenager, I drank an entire 250ml glass of wine at home. My mother was gently urging me to join her (her dream back then was for us to be drinking buddies), and as she predicted, I hated it. I can’t stand the thought of feeling out of control.

Perhaps surprisingly, my mother wholeheartedly approves of my decision and often jokes that I should “never start,” although I’m sure she would secretly be glad if I did.

Now, on those nights when I know she’s going all out (whether it’s celebrating this friend’s birthday or that friend’s divorce), I make sure I’m there, just in case.

My social life is pretty low-key, though. I’m saving up to travel, so if I go out once a week, it’s a big deal. And if I do go out, it’s usually to attend a yoga class.

I mention on dating apps that I’m sober. That probably narrows my options, but I don’t want to be saddled with a man who drinks and feel responsible for my partner, too.

My brothers, aged 21 and 18, are sports fanatics and although they drink occasionally, it is very rare. They prefer to spend Friday night at the gym, taking the perfect selfie, than going to the bar.

I have never told Mom that her behavior is the root of my own feelings about drinking.

If you were to suggest to her or her friends that they may have a problem with alcohol, they would be horrified. They see nothing wrong with their Instagram feed being dominated by photos of them with huge glasses of wine in their hands. It makes me cringe, I would never pose with a drink, it’s too forced and embarrassing.

Sometimes I feel a bit like Saffy from Absolutely Fabulous because I have to be the sensible one. I don’t like being like that, especially because I’m a completely different person with my friends, much more relaxed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother more than anything, but I will never be her wine buddy.

• As told to Samantha Brick.