Today’s work life is full of ever-evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it okay to date a coworker? Can you tell your team to return to the office five days a week? Whether you’re a bewildered Boomer, a confused millennial or a confused Gen Z-er, our brilliant columnist Nicola Horlick (asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk) is here to help. She is using her experience in corporate life to guide you through the pitfalls and set you on the path to success.
I am a 25 year old graduate and recently started working at a leading professional services firm. I love my job, but one thing bothers me. My line manager says a lot of bad words, including some words that I consider offensive.
He doesn’t say bad words to people and he doesn’t abuse anyone. He simply peppers his conversation with bad words. He’s probably in his 50s and calls me “honey” and refers to women as “girls” or “gals,” but he generates a lot of business and is very popular with important clients. An older woman suggested he control his language, but he ignored her.
I’m no woke little snowflake, but I find this uncomfortable. Should I say something or even go to HR?
-Emma
Nicola replies: I’m not surprised you find your manager’s language offensive. And it is unacceptable for him to call any colleague “babe”, “honey” or refer to them as “girls”, so I think you should go to the HR team.
Your immediate superior’s boss should have noticed your language and it is worrying that it persisted. It’s about the company culture. A conducive work environment can only be created if the people who manage it instil the right values. If your immediate superior’s boss hasn’t noticed your language or the discomfort your attitude toward women creates, something is wrong.
I hope the hiring manager can help, even if everyone is terrified that their immediate superior will be offended and leave. Such behavior should never be allowed just because someone generates substantial income and is popular with customers.
If nothing happens, you could tell your final boss that you’re unhappy with the culture. It is important that young women are treated with respect and have positive role models in the workplace. At my first job, there was a woman who was amazing.
He was ultra-professional and no colleague would have dared to speak to him in a derisory or misogynistic way. She commanded complete respect and watching her taught me that it was possible to earn the respect of my colleagues when I was young by being the best and most professional I could be in the office.
There were occasional problems (a hand accidentally grazing my butt when I was bending over to get something out of a file or a hand on my knee during a lunch break), but for the most part my male colleagues knew not to mess with me. If you’ve spoken to HR and your issue still hasn’t been taken seriously, it may be time to move on. There is a lot of demand for bright young women like you from other employers.
Can you tell me how I can compliment a member of my team on their outfit without being accused of harassment or favoritism?
I am a 48 year old man in a creative industry where it is important that our people look the right way when they go to clients. I don’t want to impose a dress code. But I do want to get over the idea that someone has the classy-yet-edgy vibe we need to project, without her thinking I’m some middle-aged pervert approaching her.
-Jake
I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to comment on your female team member’s clothing, advises Nicola Horlick.
Nicola replies: That’s a difficult question. I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to comment on your female team member’s attire. If you are trying to encourage a particular style, it would be best to discuss it with the entire team. You could say that your colleague has the “vibe” you want to create.
But if you do this, you’ll actually be enforcing a dress code, so it might be best to let people decide for themselves what the right vibe is. With so many people now working at least partially from home and holding meetings online, clothing seems like less of an issue. Even in financial services, attire has changed dramatically.
When I walked into a bank in the 1980s, women wore power suits with shoulder pads and huge heels, and no pants were allowed. Today, young women in finance wear pants and shirts and even ditch the jacket.
I prefer to have a team that is able to express itself. Why should you be the arbiter of what is “elegant but edgy”? The best teams are those where there is an element of diversity.
Diversity in its true sense means people from different backgrounds with different life experiences. This should be reflected in the way you dress.
So leave it to the team and under no circumstances comment on your colleague’s attire.
Asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk