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The other night I found myself Googling: ‘How many organs can you live without?’ (Reassuringly enough for someone who has had an organ removed, I discovered that you can still live healthily without something like 50 percent.)
That’s just one of the strange places my brain has been while I’ve been bedridden after a health emergency so complex and still unresolved that if I start writing about it now, this column will morph into a medical text. . And no one wants to read that on Christmas Eve.
However, here’s a summary: In the wee hours of a Sunday night or Monday morning in October (always a nightmare time for an emergency due to hospital staff shortages), I was rushed to the ER with a completely different level of pain than any other I have ever known. before. I was seriously ill and was taken into surgery. I had peritonitis, which is an inflammation of the peritoneum (or abdominal cavity), usually caused by a bacterial infection through the blood or after the rupture of an abdominal organ. If treated too late, it can be life-threatening.
After the theater, I recovered in intensive care. My body was in septic shock and I had low blood pressure. It was connected to many machines, you get the idea. I couldn’t move, much less get out of bed, so I had a lot of time to think.
I had some dark moments, I had some light-bulb moments, I did some crazy, strong painkiller-induced online shopping. But now that I’m home and recovering, I’ve had time to reflect on some of the revelations I had while being forced to get off the hamster wheel and just stop.
Get angry, it could save your life
A few weeks before this emergency, I had gone to the ER because I was worried about some symptoms, but they sent me home. I was worried enough to ask for help but I didn’t want to be a burden. Also, I hate the idea of being seen as a “sick person” because I don’t feel like that’s who I really am. I still struggle with the “chronic illness” label.
So when they ended up rushing me, I had a moment where I got really angry and thought, ‘You guys have to take me seriously.’ Yes, I may look like I could be healthy because I have nail polish, but you have to understand that even though I am very strong and will do everything I can to get through and be okay, when I cry out for help, you need to listen.’
Stand up for yourself, be assertive and ask for exams; Otherwise, you’ll just be a ghost, an invisible person, another number who floats in and out of an office and doesn’t give anyone much paperwork at the end of their shift.
eat apple pie
Here’s the irony: Just before I went back to the hospital, I was in the best shape I’d been in years. For three weeks, I had only eaten meat and a small amount of vegetables, had eliminated all sugar, and fasted intermittently. I had started exercising again, just ten minutes a day, but I looked in the mirror and said to my partner Ryan: ‘I have eight incredible abs. This not eating sugar thing is fantastic!’ He was torn and strong; I finally got my body back.
I was doing this solely from a health perspective, not out of vanity as I had done before. I had been experiencing a bad bout of rectal bleeding and gynecological pain and wanted to try anything that might help. I heard a podcast where a cancer expert talked about why cutting out sugar will reduce inflammation, so I thought I’d give it a try.
And then this happened.
After recovering from my stoma surgery in January, I was very picky and only ate really nutritious foods. I was on a diet of bone broth, shredded chicken pieces. This time I thought, damn, I’m going to eat whatever I want!
Before I got sick with colitis I ate whatever I wanted and I was happy. So while I was in the hospital, this time I asked my brother Sam to bring smoothies; I had apple pie with ice cream. I ate everything! Because you never know, this could be it.
It’s so sad that people are always trying to improve and at the end of the day everything sucks! Some diseases cannot be cured with diet. Often, all this information about “wellness” is just one person’s opinion; It’s usually in someone else’s best interest to sell whatever product you’re promoting.
I had an overwhelming feeling of: there is no “right”; You can’t read a single book and decide, “that’s the only cookbook for me.” We really need to stop being so prescriptive because no one can live the perfect life.
Sweet relief: Louise returns home to her son Leo and dogs Toto and Koji
Shit rises to the top
There were times when I asked myself: Have I been wrong about everything in life? Is that why they punish me like this? Why did God do this to me when I am always trying to make positive changes and be a better person? I felt like maybe I wasn’t good enough and that’s why this was happening to me. I was looking for reasons around me.
And then someone said to me, ‘Unfortunately, the s**t always rises to the top.’ It’s so true. Bad things happen to good people all the time; Meanwhile, horrible people end up running large corporations and getting away with it despite all sorts of behavior. When the consultant said that, I chuckled and then when I thought about it, it gave me a sense of acceptance of what had happened to me.
Live, laugh, love, seriously!
When a friend came to see me at the hospital, we had a long talk about how other people find their happy place. What is the key to being truly happy? We know we’re privileged and have always prided ourselves on having good taste, but we’ve come to the conclusion that the people who are truly achieving happiness are the ones who have those cheesy slogans on their walls that say things like “live, laugh, be happy.” ‘People who say, ‘Oh my God, there’s a breakfast buffet.’
I never thought I could be that cliche, catchphrase person, but we could all use to absorb that energy. Embrace embarrassing kindness and don’t get caught up in whether something is cool or tasteful: just enjoy it.
Done is better than perfect
While I was stuck in bed and scrolling through my phone, I found so many videos I had made for work that were in a draft folder because I thought they weren’t good enough to post. They weren’t completely polished.
Then I looked closer and thought, ‘These are good.’ Why was he so worried?’ I could die with all of them still sitting there, never seeing the light of day, and all that work would have been wasted because they weren’t quite perfect. So I’ve already posted most of them because doing so is better than perfect.
Don’t hold on so tight; The first draft of everything is stupid, but you have to learn from failures. Now I’m looking to fail as much as possible because that will mean I’m giving it a chance.
I’m so awake for Christmas
Actually, the feeling I have is that everyone is. It’s the first time that Leo, who just turned three, really understands him and is now talkative. He feels happy. I have ‘live, laugh, love’ stockings for everyone and I’m going to fill them with colorful and fun things.
The last Christmas has been full of stress, grief and disappointment, but this year we are back with BANG! I’m feeling joyful and nostalgic, we’re bringing back our old traditions: Ryan and I listen to Sinatra and walk around our kitchen decorated with gaudy tinsel and mistletoe.
I missed out on Halloween, bonfire night and the Hampton Court Christmas lights switch-on, but now we’re more than making up for it – and that includes partying like every day is our last and throwing all the wellness fads into the metaphorical trash can. .