Lady Gaga ‘got depressed’ at the thought of being herself while dealing with a deep depression before making her new album Chromatica.
The pop star / actress, 34, highlights some of her darkest hours in a revealing new profile for Billboardand told the magazine how her mind would turn sour when she got up in the morning.
‘I woke up every day and remembered that I was Lady Gaga – and then I got depressed,’ revealed 5foot2’s talent – real name Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta -.
Wrestling: Lady Gaga offered new insight into her mental health issues in a profile for Billboard, admitting that her depression was once so deep she would wake up ‘remember I was Lady Gaga and then I would get depressed’
The emotions came from a mix of things, explained the Rain On Me singer, born of the messy place between denial and self-realization.
“I was peeling all the layers of the onion during the therapy,” she said Billboard’s Nolan Feeney, “So if you dig deeper, you get closer to the core, and the onion core stinks.”
And Gaga wasn’t ready to deal with the pain, instead combating the depression with ‘hours’ of chain smoking, sobbing and drinking.
“My very existence was a threat to me,” she explained. ‘I thought about really dark sh ** every day.’
When the diva’s inner circle suggested help, such as self-care or an outing, Gaga would outright reject the ideas.
She made up excuses about how she fell into the trap of fame, unable to do anything normal – she pulled what she now calls her Lady Gaga card.
‘It’s the one you’re going to,’ I’m Lady Gaga, you don’t understand what it feels like, I want to dress the way I want and be who I am without people noticing, why should everyone notice, I’m so sad I don’t even remember why why you let me talk about it ”
Dark place: She explained the dark place she was in before the creation of her new album Chromatic, saying, ‘My very existence was a threat to me. I was thinking about really dark sh ** every day
Back to herself: The A Star Is Born talent said it wasn’t until she forced herself to go back to the studio that she started reconnecting with herself. While writing songs, Gaga said she “would cry and say,” There it is – hi! How are you? Why do you have to hide? “
That thought trap is something she has managed to contain over time by explaining, “I gave up on that in therapy.”
But it wasn’t until the A Star Is Born ingenue returned to the studio that she began to feel more and more herself.
While writing songs, Gaga said she “would cry and say,” There it is – hi! How are you? Why do you have to hide? “
She clung to those feelings and explained how she learned to appreciate even the smallest achievements.
“ If there’s a glimpse in you, celebrate it, ” the New Yorker said, also showing her instinct to share that knowledge with the legions of fans she calls her Little Monsters.
“If you find another, celebrate it,” Gaga went on. ‘Another? Call a friend: “I did this today. I’m winning.” ‘
Unforeseen Circumstances: Getting Chromatica fans too was a bit more difficult as the pandemic pushed back the release date and sprawling media rollout plans
Time to Shine: Rather than let the setback derail her, Gaga forced herself to inspire. “When I see people struggling as they are now, my brain says,” Put on your superhero suit. Let’s go “
While the making of Chromatica got her out of a fog, getting the dance homage album to fans was a different story.
Her grand release plans were shelved soon after life, as we now know it as the coronavirus took over the world, pushing the album’s release day from April 10th to May 29th.
But instead of sinking back into that dark place, Gaga forced herself to inspire.
“When I see people struggling as they are now, my brain says,” Put on your superhero suit. Let’s go. “
For Gaga, that meant working around the pandemic and continuing to share her art with the world.
On May 22, just days before Chromatica, she released the blockbuster music video for Rain On Me, her collaboration with Ariana Grande.
Fresh stuff: After a massive success with Rain On Me, Gaga revealed she shot a new music video for the song 911 in August
The video has since been viewed 214 million times on YouTube and, along with the album, is pretty much guaranteed to be a darling of the 2021 Grammy Awards, which are currently scheduled for the end of January.
Gaga kept the creative momentum going, revealing that the video for the song 911 – a dark electropop track about her relationship with her antipsychotic drugs – was shot in August.
The making of the video forced the singer to revisit some of the demons that haunted her while writing 911, something she found more liberating than painful.
“Freedom to me is when I can go to the darkest part of my heart,” Gaga said, finishing the interview, “visit things that are difficult and then leave them. Give them to the world and turn all pain into a pool of gold. ‘
Light through the darkness: “Freedom is for me when I can go to the darkest part of my heart,” Gaga said, finishing the interview, “Visit things that are difficult and then leave them. Give them to the world, and turn all the pain into a pool of gold ‘